Disciple of the Elder God
by Jinso Kitsune-kun
Summary: Most people believe that Kami is the highest deity, and there is no greater being than her. They are wrong. There is one above her, and he has been watching Naruto Uzumaki. Now this deity decided enough was enough. He was going to make Naruto's life much better. He was going to make Naruto his disciple... Naruharem, T for cursing, Sakubashing. Don't like don't read. NO YAOI!
1. It begins

**Hello everyone, and welcome to 'Disciple of the Elder God'! Now, I just want to let you know that this is a harem story, and I have already set up the pairings. First of all, SAKURA WILL NOT BE PAIRED WITH NARUTO! Got a fucking problem with that? Well, too bad! This is my story and I will do whatever the fuck I want with it! Next, there will be a lot of Sakura bashing. Third, Naruto will be a badass in this story. And finally, the pairings for Naruto are Hinata, Anko, Ayame, Samui, Kin, Fem. Haku, Yugito, and two other SECRET women. They are not Kushina, Tsunade, or especially SAKURA! Also, Naruto and Sasuke will be bros. NO YAOI EITHER!**

**Now then, on with the story!**

The date was October 10th. The setting, Konohagakure no Sato, the Village Hidden in the Leaves. It was nine years after the attack of the mighty Kyuubi no Kitsune upon the village. The Kyuubi was one of the nine Biju, the most powerful creatures in existence. With a swing of its nine tails, it could topple cities, demolish mountains, and create raging tsunamis. Nine years ago, the Kyuubi had attacked the village, killing many a shinobi. The village's leader, the Yondaime Hokage, Minato Namikaze, and his wife, Kushina Uzumaki, had just had their only child, Naruto Uzumaki, delivered to them on that fateful day, nine years ago. As the Kyuubi descended upon the village, Minato Namikaze was rushing to create a plan to defeat it. Unfortunately, he could only find one solution. He had to seal the Kyuubi into his own child at the cost of his life.

So, Minato took his child from its mother with a somber frown. Upon making his way to the battlefield, he summoned the Shinigami, who sealed the beast into Naruto while taking Minato's soul at the same time. Thus, Naruto Uzumaki became the jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune. Nine years from then, on this very day, Naruto was being chased by a mob which had formed to 'finish what the Yondaime had started' and end the boy's life once and for all, thinking he was the demon itself.

It was this scene that Kami herself was watching with a frown from up in the heavens. The boy had more assassination attempts on him in the first nine years of his life then the first generation of all the Kages put together. As she watched this happen with a sigh, Kami wished that she could do something, but it was not to her jurisdiction. She had to receive permission from the only deity higher than herself.

Opposite to what many people thought, Kami was actually not the highest deity in existence. There was only one above her, and he was the one who had created time, space, and even life itself. This deity was the one who gave permission to every god and goddess for their jobs when they had to do them, and only intervened when he found it necessary. Kami sighed again as she wished she could help the young blonde. Fortunately for her, the chance had arrived.

"Kami-sama, your presence is requested by the High Lord." A meek voice spoke. She turned to see one of the High Lord's angel messengers facing her.

"Tell him I will be there right away." She told the angel. It nodded, and disappeared. Almost immediately after, Kami did so as well.

She reappeared inside a white and gold courtroom which had marble statues of all the deities beside each pillar that held it up.

"Come forth, Kami. I wish to see you." A deep voice rang out. Kami walked through a pair of massive doors, and entered a room where only one individual sat on a throne of pure matter. This was the High Lord, the only deity above herself.

"Yes, High Lord?" She questioned.

"First of all, Kami-chan, I told you to stop calling me High Lord. Just calling me Jinso or Jinso-kun will do." The individual spoke with an annoyed sigh. He knew that Kami did this just to annoy him. Jinso had hair the color of dark chocolate and blue-green-grey eyes that seemed as though they were endless. Whenever he got angry, Jinso's eyes turned a mix of blood red and amber. It was an unusual combo that stunned Kami and yet, turned her on at the same time. His skin had a natural tan to it and despite not having a 'six-pack' or an 'eight-pack', his body was toned and built like an athlete. Despite being as old as time itself, Jinso chose to take the form of a 16-year old boy for some reason. Needless to say, even Kami had to refrain from jumping him.

"Fine, Jinso-kun." Kami replied with a 'rebellious-teenager' sigh.

"Second, I noticed that you were watching the boy named Naruto Uzumaki."

"I was, sir. I just cannot believe how much pain and anguish that boy has gone through, and would do anything to make it better for him." She said. Jinso nodded.

"That is exactly why I have called you here. For the first time in a million years, I am going to show myself to the planet once more."

"But sir, didn't you say you would only intervene if you saw fit?" Kami asked with an audible gasp. Jinso nodded again.

"And I see a big reason to intervene. This boy's suffering has gone on too long. I dare say that he has a heart possibly purer than my own, as he has not turned on those wretched infidels only because there are a few people in the village that are actually precious to him." Jinso stood up out of his chair.

"Come with me, Kami. It is time to set things straight." With that, the two disappeared in a column of light that stretched far into the sky, letting all the angels and good souls know that shit was about to get real.

**Down on Earth**

Naruto Uzumaki was NOT having a good day. First, he tore his pants on an open nail, causing a hole to rip in the crotch area. Then, he fell in a mud puddle while walking to Ichiraku's. Next, when the boy got to his favorite ramen stand in the whole world, he found out that Ayame-chan was sick, so Teuchi-jiji had to close the stand for a few days and take care of her. Finally, he got chased by an angry mob into the alleyway he was currently in. They each took turns beating him and crushing his little body. Yet he did not cry.

Naruto had learned from an early age that crying only egged the crowd on and thus made the beatings far worse than normal. So he held in all his tears as they pummeled him. They had broken the boy's hands and feet with hammers so he couldn't run away or pull any 'demon tricks'. One drunken villager had bashed him over the head with a sake bottle, causing glass shards to embed themselves in his scalp.

Then some of the mob had taken turns stomping on his frail body and breaking some of his ribs. The last thing they did before preparing to kill him was one took a rusty kunai and carved it deep into his six whisker marks. Then, the leader rose his arm, kunai in hand.

'_I guess this is it. See you in the afterlife, Teuchi-jiji, Ayame-chan, Hokage-jiji..._' Naruto closed his eyes and prepared for his death. However, he didn't feel any pain.

'_What happened? Am I dead?_' The little boy opened his eyes to see a chocolate-haired teen standing over him, his tanned hand gripping the arm of the man who was about to kill him.

"W-What are you doing, boy? Step aside so we can kill this demon!" A civilian genin in his forties yelled.

"You mongrels will not lay a hand upon this boy." The teen spoke, authority dripping from his voice. His voice made Naruto shudder in awe. This teen was radiating more power than what the Kyuubi had at full strength, if what he was told in the Academy was true. The whiskered blonde then felt himself being lifted up and pressed against the bosom of a silvered-haired woman.

"Wh-who are you?" He asked her. The woman looked deep into his cerulean orbs and replied,

"My name is Kami, Naruto-kun. Don't worry, they won't hurt you anymore." The blond immediately felt a warm aura surround him and fell asleep, a comforted smile on his face. Kami set him on the ground just as Jinso turned to her.

"Go find the Hokage. I'll deal with them." Kami nodded and ran off in search of the Hokage.

"What's wrong with you? Stop protecting that demon and let us kill it!" Another villager shouted. Jinso turned his gaze back to them.

"That boy is no more a demon than Satan is the ruler of the heavens. You all are the real demons..." Jinso then drew a golden katana from his back. He twirled it around and got into a stance.

"And I'll make sure to send you to hell."

**With the Hokage, En Route to Jinso's Location**

Hiruzen Sarutobi had just finished his paperwork for the day when he felt an incredible surge of power coming from the middle of the village. He could feel the raw anger inside it spread all over the village.

'_Is that the Kyuubi's power?..No...That doesn't have the same amount of bloodlust in it as the Kyuubi's...Oh, Naruto-kun, I hope you're alright..._' Hiruzen had called three squads of ANBU to follow him and he donned his battle gear. Then they had begun making their way to the spot where the surge was felt. About halfway there, they were stopped by a silver-haired woman of ethereal beauty.

"Hokage-sama, it's Naruto Uzumaki! I need you to follow me! No time to explain!" The Hokage's eyes widened as he nodded and began following the woman.

What he saw when he arrived shocked him. A chocolate haired teen was standing in the middle of the scene of a massacre, covered in blood, and holding a sword as equally bloody as him. Dead civilians littered the ground. Hiruzen's eyes softened when he saw that Naruto was sleeping on the ground behind the teen with a smile on his face. The teen turned and faced the Hokage.

"Are you the leader of this village?" The teen questioned, authority in his tone. Somehow, it made everyone there get the feeling that they should be on their knees, bowing.

"Yes, I am. And who might you be?" The teen closed his eyes and flicked the blood off of his blade before sheathing it onto his back.

"I will not tell you my name in front of these ANBU of yours, for they have not earned my respect. You have, but they have not. Especially the one known as Inu." The Hokage and all the ANBU looked shocked.

"The only other people in this village that have earned my respect are the young Uzumaki here and the people that truly helped him. The rest may burn for all I care." One of the ANBU, who was wearing a Kame (Turtle) mask suddenly shouted out at him.

"Hey, how dare you speak to the Hokage and us that way! We deserve to know!" The teen turned his head to the ANBU with a growl, his eyes turning a mix of blood red and amber, which frightened everyone but Kami and Naruto, who was sleeping at the time.

"Silence your tongue, mortal, or I shall be quick to cut it off!" He snarled. The teen's eyes then turned back to their natural color.

"Hokage-san, I would like to meet with you in private to discuss the young Uzumaki." The Hokage nodded, and told the ANBU to back off. Kami grabbed Naruto and the four went to the Hokage Tower.

**Hokage's Office**

"Now, what would you like to discuss..."

"I still cannot tell you my name." Jinso suddenly replied.

"But why not? We are in private right now." Hiruzen looked confused. Jinso got up and walked over to a corner.

"Danzo-san, I know you are listening. And I would just like to say, your end will be soon, along with that of ROOT's." With that, Jinso tore a seal off the wall that had been disguised to look like wallpaper. He also tore off five other listening seals before sitting back down.

"How did you..." Hiruzen was at a loss for words for once in his lifetime.

"I know all, Hiruzen Sarutobi. And my name is Jinso."

"Thank you for telling me that. Also, who is she?" He asked, pointing to the silver-haired woman who was currently holding Naruto to her chest like a protective mother would do. The blonde simply snuggled into her ample bosom.

"She is known to you humans as Kami." The old Sarutobi's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull.

"K-K-K-K-Kami!" He shouted. Hiruzen was glad he put up a silencing seal around the room or else all of Konoha would have heard his shout.

"Yep! That's me!" Kami exclaimed. She then jerked her thumb at Jinso.

"And that's my sempai!" Hiruzen's eyes once more nearly burst from his skull.

"S-S-S-SEMPAI!" His eyes darted back and forth between the two.

"I am indeed Kami's 'sempai', so to speak. My name is indeed Jinso, and only those who I have given permission to are allowed to speak my name, otherwise, they burst into flames and die."

"Jinso-sempai was the one who created time, space, and even life!" Jinso nodded.

"Aside from that, I wish to talk you about Naruto Uzumaki. I have observed his life so far along with Kami, and I am severely disappointed with this village. This boy has endured more pain in his life then all the tortured souls in Hell combined. Thus, he has my respect and admiration."

"Not to be rude, Jinso-sama, but why are you telling me this?" Jinso seemed to smirk for a moment.

"I am telling you this because I wish to give the boy a gift."

"A...gift?" Jinso nodded.

"Not just any gift. I am going to give him what you humans call a 'Kekkei Genkai', among other things."

"A bloodline!"

"Along with that, I will give the boy some other things to help him in his life. But with this, I ask a favor of you." Hiruzen made a mental note to double up on his meds. A GOD was asking him to do a favor for him!

"I wish for you to shape up this village. You have been letting the Civilian Council gain too much sway in the village. In fact, if it were not for the boy having precious people in this village, I would've rained brimstone and fire upon it after only a month! Grow a backbone, Hiruzen Sarutobi! This village is a FUCKING military dictatorship! IT IS NOT A DEMOCRACY! YOU MAKE THE RULES, AND THE VILLAGERS FOLLOW THEM! Now shape up and fix this disgrace to the shinobi name that you call a village!" Jinso roared, pounding his fist on the desk and breaking it into splinters. Unfortunately, this woke Naruto up.

"Where am I? Am I dead?" Naruto asked as he groggily stared at the ceiling.

"You're not dead, Naruto-kun. You're very much alive." Came the voice of the silver-haired woman he met before. He looked up and saw her beautiful smiling face. Suddenly, the little boy's eyes grew very big.

"You...You're Kami!" He exclaimed as he jumped out of her arms. The boy got ready to bow when Jinso stopped him.

"You do not need to bow, my boy. If anything, I should be bowing to you for all that you have endured." The whisker-marked blonde turned to see his chocolate haired savior.

"Who are you? You look a bit young to be killing a bunch of people." Naruto commenting, surprising them with how calm he was, when most kids would've scrambled into the corner of the room after seeing someone massacre a group. Hiruzen got a bit worried as Naruto didn't know that this was an age-old god he was speaking too. Instead, Jinso let out a laugh that sounded like a tower bell ringing.

"My name is Jinso, my whiskered friend. And would you be surprised if I told you that I was actually a god as old as time who created life itself?" Naruto pondered for a moment.

"Well, most people would say that you were bluffing, but seeing as how we're able to make elements out of thin air and that I have a 200 foot tall demon sealed in my gut, I'd say it's a fair chance." That shocked Hiruzen.

"Naruto-kun, you already know about the Kyuubi?" Naruto nodded.

"Hai, jiji. I met Rika-chan a year ago when I fainted during a beating." Hiruzen's mind went blank for about three seconds before he shouted,

"IT'S A SHE!" Jinso then laughed again.

"Of course the Kyuubi is a she! Why are humans so sexist when it comes to beings of great power and always thinking that said beings must be male for some reason?" He replied.

"But other than that, Hokage-san, fix your village or else there will be hell to pay." The Hokage nodded, getting the hidden message. Jinso turned to Naruto.

"Naruto-kun, I wish for you to come with me for a moment. I have a few gifts for you." Naruto started bouncing up and down. Despite being very mature for a nine year-old, he, like every kid, got excited at the mention of presents.

"Gifts? Really?" Jinso nodded. The brown-haired teen turned to Hiruzen.

"I will be back with him in thirty minutes. Please call one of your...what is it called...council meetings, as there is a topic I wish to discuss." Hiruzen nodded.

"I will do that." The elderly Sarutobi got on one knee to speak to Naruto.

"I want you to have fun with Jinso, alright, Naruto-kun?"

"Hai! We're gonna have lots of fun, right Jinso-nii?" Jinso chuckled. Despite being a god, it was good to not have every person address him with an honorific of high authority or demand people respect him.

"Yes, we are, Naruto-kun." Then he, Kami, and Naruto disappeared in a flash.

**Jinso's Throne Room, Up in the Heavens**

They reappeared inside what looked to be a teen's bedroom. The walls were colored a sandy brown and the ceiling was light grey. There was a plasma-screen TV hanging on the wall, and a Gamecube, Wii, and PS3 were hooked up to it. Facing the TV was a long, black, leather couch that was shaped like a "U". A plain bed was in one corner of the room, and a black, metal desk with shelves was near it, and was covered in papers, pencils, pens, scissors, what appeared to be a Glock 19, and a tanto hung up on the wall.

"Whoa, is this your room, Nii-san?" Jinso grinned.

"Yes, it is, Naruto-kun. This is where I go when I wish to relax or simply play a few video games."

"What's a...video game?" Naruto asked in childish wonder. Jinso led him over to the TV.

"Well, I can't really explain it, in all my infinite wisdom, but how about I show you?" Naruto nodded excitedly. Jinso went over to his Gamecube and started _The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess_. Naruto's eyes grew wide in awe. Then Jinso started going around on Epona, firing arrows at Bokoblins and Kargaroks, and then transforming into a wolf, making Naruto let out a 'double-rainbow-guy' style "WHOA!" Then Jinso saved his game and powered down the Gamecube.

"That was awesome, Nii-san! May I try?" Jinso chuckled.

"I would let you, but we have to get back to Konoha for a council meeting, so we don't have the time. I can give you your gifts, however." Jinso walked over to the wall, and pulled the tanto off, making it grow to the length of a standard katana.

"This is my prized blade, Naruto-kun. It can turn into any weapon you desire, and the only limit is your imagination." Naruto took the blade from Jinso with trembling hands.

"Also, I've modified it a little so that you can stick it onto your back and take it off with a mental _push_. And as an added bonus, you can give a different mental _push_ to make it become a certain element. Go ahead, test it out." Jinso and Kami stepped back and watched Naruto swing the blade around with natural talent. When he was done, Kami said,

"Amazing, Naruto-kun! You're a natural at swordsmanship!" Naruto blushed from the praise.

"Next, I have an even more special gift for you." He put two fingers into his mouth and whistled. Almost immediately, a black blur appeared and landed on top of Naruto, licking his face. It turned out to be a fox kit with three tails.

"This is your own personal companion. She is a three-tailed kitsune, and LOVES pranks. However, she doesn't have a name yet. Would you like to give her one?" Naruto nodded, having stood up and held the kit, who was now asleep, in his arms.

"I'll call her...Megumi, 'cuz you know, it's a blessing that you're giving her to me, Nii-san!" Naruto replied, giving a fox-like smile that made Kami glomp him with a squeal of,

"KAWAII!" The goddess began stroking his whisker marks, making Naruto purr.

"Alright, Kami-chan, enough hugging. I wish to give Naruto his two final gifts." Kami reluctantly got off of the blonde, and Jinso knelt down so he was eye level with Naruto.

"Naruto-kun, what do you know of Kekkei Genkai?" The blonde put a hand up to his chin in a thinking pose.

"Well, I know that Sasuke-teme has one, and everyone fawns over him for it. He also keeps repeating that nothing can beat the Sharingan and that it makes him an elite, above everyone else. Personally, I don't see why it makes him a so-called 'elite'. It just changes his abilities a little, right?"

"Well, you're half right. It does change one's abilities. However, each bloodline is different, and does different things. The Sharingan allows Sasuke-san to copy hand seals for ninjutsu and also lets him see through any genjutsu except for the Mangekyo Sharingan's genjutsu. It also lets him cast genjutsu on a person by looking them in the eye when it's active. Only a person with the Sharingan can break out of a Sharingan genjutsu."

"So it really does make him an 'elite'?"

"Not exactly. See, bloodlines tend to make people like Sasuke a bit arrogant. That just means they'll be a bit overconfident sometimes in battle. However, Sasuke's case is different. He was actually a nice kid before his family was massacred. Then the civilians and the Civilian Council started raising him up on a golden pedestal and essentially put his ego on steroids. Now he probably thinks he can win any fight and that everyone will do what says just because he's an Uchiha." Jinso turned away from Naruto.

"Now, Naruto-kun, if, hypothetically speaking, I were to give you a bloodline, would you become arrogant with it?" Naruto shook his head in a frenzied no.

"No way, Nii-san! I know I can't win every battle, despite having Rika-chan's youki in me, and even then if I were to have a bloodline. I just gotta train harder if I do lose." Jinso gave a satisfied nod.

"Well, good, Naruto-kun, because that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you a bloodline of your own. Now remember, don't become arrogant with it." Naruto nodded.

"Okay, Nii-san, but what does it do?"

"Well, Naruto-kun, your bloodline would essentially allow you to manipulate shadows themselves."

"Like the lazy pineapple-haired people?" Jinso laughed.

"Sort of. See, the Naras manipulate shadows with their own chakra. However, this bloodline will essentially put a bit of shadow energy into your own DNA, causing you to be able to move them around without chakra. You will just have to sense the shadows all around you, and focus on linking your energy with their own. It's a one-time thing, so once you've successfully connected with one shadow, you'll be able to connect any and all the shadows around you at any time."

"SUGOI!" Naruto yelled.

"Now, then, this will hurt a little bit, but it'll be over quickly." Jinso tapped two fingers to Naruto's forehead, and infused a bit of shadow energy in Naruto's genes, altering them a tiny bit to create a new bloodline. The blonde held in a scream as the process shortly ended.

"Now for your last gift." Jinso pulled a large scroll out of thin air.

"Naruto, this is the summoning contract for the dragons. No one before you has signed this, as I was saving it for someone with a heart as pure as I. Now, bite your finger, and sign your name in blood. Then put a handprint of blood next to your name." Naruto did as he was told, and his name glowed when he finished.

"Now, when you summon the boss dragon, Bahamut, you must not be afraid. Dragons are the living embodiment of courage, and to pass his test, you must stand up to him. Otherwise, he will try to kill you with fire. _Lots_ of fire. Understand?" Naruto nodded, a little bit worried.

"Well, now that that's out of the way, what do you say we go visit the Hokage again?" The blonde smiled at that. Jinso called forth a dragon summon and helped Naruto onto its back. The three then soared down to Konoha, with Naruto cheering the entire way.

**Council Room**

"What is the holdup, Hokage-sama? I got out of bed at eleven o' clock and would like to get back to sleep!" A fat blob of a civilian councilman said with a yawn. Hiruzen grew a pulsing vein on his head.

"I'm sure our last two remaining people will be here in a minute..." He said, grinding his teeth.

"If you don't mind my asking, Hokage-sama, why are we still waiting? All the council members are present. It would be illogical to continue waiting." Shibi stated, fixing his glasses.

"Well—" Hiruzen was interrupted by Naruto's cry of,

"WOOHOOO!"

**CRASH!**

A large red dragon crashed through the ceiling and its passengers fell onto the floor. The first of the two to get up was a chocolate-haired teen with blue-green

"Akira, I told you to land _on_ the roof, not go _through_ the roof." Jinso's voice said. The dragon merely replied,

"**Sorry about that. The gaki over there kept tugging at my ear, and I lost my balance.**" With that, the dragon known as Akira reverse summoned itself.

"Well, it seems as if our two guests have arrived after all. Did you have fun, Naruto-kun?" The council members looked to see Naruto standing beside a chocolate-haired teen with blue-green-grey eyes.

"Considering I got to ride a dragon _and_ crash it through a building, what do you think jiji?" Naruto asked with a 'you're-damn-right-I-did' look.

"You better have had fun, 'cuz I'm probably gonna get yelled for destroying the roof of this building." Jinso berated. He then looked to see the entire council, both Civilian and Shinobi, staring at him. The brunette simply decided to pull a Kakashi.

"Yo." He said, putting his hand up lazily with two fingers forming a V, and even forming a weird eye smile with both eyes. The result?

All the Civilian and Shinobi Council members face-faulted except for Hiruzen.

"YO! YOU DESTROY THE ROOF OF THIS BUILDING, AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS YO!" A pink haired banshee in need of anger management classes shrieked. Naruto had to cover Megumi's ears to protect the kit from permanent brain damage. Jinso grabbed the hilt of his sword, and barely drew it out of its sheath. A flash of light signaled that he had moved it, as well as the _chink_ of the hilt connecting with the sheath. He pointed above the Civilian Council members.

"Please read that message on the wall, as it states my only rule." All the Council members looked up to see four words sliced into the wall with perfect calligraphy.

_DON'T FUCK WITH ME_

"Got it?" He asked, making his voice sound a bit more demonic.

"Now, J-san, I believe you had something you wish to discuss." Hiruzen drew their attention back to the meeting. Jinso nodded.

"You're damn right I do." He replied, shocking everyone.

"I have seen the nine years of this boy's life, and it infuriated me that most of this village would stoop so low as to harm a child. He has had more assassination attempts in the first nine years of his life than most of the numerous Kages ever had in all their careers combined! I have had enough of you people! From now on, this child is under my protection. If anyone tries to harm him..." Jinso snapped his fingers, and a training dummy appeared. He grasped the handle of his katana and another flash of light signified that he had moved it. Upon the _click_ of hilt meeting sheath, the training dummy exploded in a shower of weighted sand.

"Get the picture?" Most of them were shocked. They had barely seen the teen move, and yet, he perfectly performed an Iaido strike twice in a row. However, one moronic blob of a Civilian Councilor decided to pipe up.

"How dare you threaten the Council! We could have you executed publicly!" Jinso then began laughing wildly, almost as if mocking him.

"The only way that could happen is if I lived in this village! This place is not my home, you moronic pile of horse shit!" The god replied.

"And if you pathetic little weaklings on the Civilian Council ever threaten me, Naruto-kun, or this woman over here..." Jinso let out a blast of KI so great that most of the Civilian Council pissed and shit their pants, and then fainted. The ones who didn't were the ones who had retired from the shinobi business, and somehow, the only ones on the Civilian side of the Council left standing were all people who liked Naruto and helped him. The Shinobi Council members were having a hard time breathing, as it felt like the air was being stolen from their lungs. Even Hiruzen, the Kami no Shinobi was feeling light-headed. Jinso then stopped the flow of KI, and turned to the Shinobi Council.

"Sorry about that. All the morons in the Civilian Council just really annoyed me." Most of them were shocked once more. He could produce that much KI when he was merely annoyed!

"And I know that you're thinking that it's unreal for someone to produce that much KI when they're only annoyed. Let's just say...If I were pissed off...At least half of this village would be six feet under from my anger alone." He then sheepishly rubbed the back of his head with a goofy smile.

**THUMP!**

Inoichi had just fainted.

"Then, why don't you stay in this village? Logic dictates that if you cared about Naruto Uzumaki, you would stay with him to ensure his safety." Shibi asked. Jinso gave a mischievous grin.

"I never said I _wasn't_ staying in the village, now did I?" He turned to the Hokage.

"Hokage-san, could I simply spar with a jonin to see my placement?" Hiruzen nodded.

"I'll have you and one of our jonin spar tomorrow morning, seeing as you are obviously above genin and chunin level." Jinso nodded.

"Will do. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go to sleep." With that, he, Kami, and Naruto all left the Council room. Silence followed for about three minutes before Shikaku said,

"This is too damn troublesome..."

**With the Trio**

"So, Naruto, do you want to stay at your apartment for the night? I could probably find us a house to stay in." Naruto nodded.

"Yeah. I don't really have the money to rent a new apartment, plus, people raise the price by 3 times the original amount whenever I try to buy." Kami held Naruto closer to her as people began glaring at the blonde and Jinso, while giving lecherous looks to Kami. Jinso then cast a no seals genjutsu around them so people would only see Maito Gai walking with Lee while both were in speedos. Needless to say, screams of horror filled the air while Jinso chuckled mischievously.

**The Next Morning**

Naruto got up to see Kami cooking something while Jinso sat at his table with a cup of coffee.

"Morning, little bro. Hope you slept well." The god told him.

"Yeah, I did, Nii-san. Better than I've slept in a long time."

"Lucky for you, you got up just in time for breakfast!" Kami said happily as she set a plate of bacon, eggs, pancakes, and orange juice down for the boy. The blonde quickly wolfed down his food before checking the clock.

"Aw, crap! I'm gonna be late for class!" He exclaimed. Jinso set the newspaper he had been reading down.

"Not a problem, little bro." The brunette put a hand on Naruto's shoulder and warped the boy to right in front of the Academy, surprising many of had been around them.

"Whoa, that was so cool, Nii-san!" The blonde exclaimed. Jinso nodded, but not before noticing the glares directed at the blonde.

"Now remember, don't take shit from anybody, and give 'em hell, squirt!" Naruto scowled at him.

"Stop calling me a squirt!"

"I'll stop calling you a squirt when you actually get to my height. Ja Ne!" Jinso immediately warped out, leaving Naruto to walk into the Academy. The blonde had recently gotten a change of clothes, and Jinso had burned the orange jumpsuit that rivaled Maito Gai's Spandex of Youth™ and all the other sets of it that Naruto had. He was now wearing a white hakama with gold trimmings over a black kimono that had silver trimmings. The kimono had the kanji for kitsune on it. The tanto that Jinso had given him was stuck to his back in the form of a ninjato. Underneath, Naruto was wearing the same type of sandals that Jiraiya of the Sannin wore. The outfit only accentuated his whiskers marks.

Also, in addition to his bloodline, Jinso had made Naruto taller and fit like himself. He was built like an athlete, and had a natural tan. Naruto had lost all baby fat, and had become what Jinso described was a 'lady killer', whatever the hell _that_ was. Deciding to make a cool entrance, Naruto powered chakra to his foot and kicked the door in, sending it flying against the opposite wall. This gained the attention of everyone in the classroom. As Naruto walked in, he gained lustful stares from almost every girl in the classroom, who apparently didn't know who he was.

"Are you a new student here?" Kiba Inuzuka asked. Despite his interest in the new person, he still wondered where Naruto was. It had been a couple of days since anyone had last seen the blonde. The two became friends after Naruto had helped Kiba get Akamaru to the vet for rabies shots.

"C'mon, dog breath, don't you recognize me-ttebayo?" The eyes of every person in the room bulged.

"N-Naruto!" Upon that realization, one Hyuuga heiress in the back of the room gained a mean nosebleed and fainted.

"'Course it's me! Who the hell'd you think I was, the Shodaime?" The blonde remarked casually. He simply began making his way to the back of the room to hang out with Hinata, the girl he actually loved, when he was stopped by a UPFO, an Unidentified Pink Flat-chested Object.

"Naruto-baka, stop trying to show up Sasuke-kun!" The pink haired bi-err, _girl_ known as Sakura Haruno shrieked. She then raised her fist and tried to punch the blonde.

_THUMP!_

Her fist was caught directly in the blonde's palm while his sword was at her neck.

"Sakura-san, if you try to punch me again, I will not only not hesitate to break the hand you attempt with, but I might also do some more damage." He told her, squeezing it for emphasis while taking his sword away from her neck. The girl began to immediately cry like a pussy. He then made his way to the back of the room and sat next to Hinata, who had regained consciousness.

"Yo, Hinata-chan. What's up?" He asked happily.

"N-N-N-N-Nothing m-m-much N-N-Naruto-kun." The Hyuuga heiress stuttered.

'_Naruto-kun probably noticed that I'm stuttering, and now he must think I'm weak..._' The girl suddenly began to think. Her father had been strict in her training, but on the inside, he wished he would be able to show her kindness. However, the Hyuuga elders said that if she remained weak, they would give her the Caged Bird Seal and put her in the Branch family. Hinata was so deep in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed Naruto putting his face closer to hers.

"You know, Hinata-chan..." That broke her out of her thoughts to see his face right in front of hers.

"That blush of yours makes you look so damn adorable..." That made the girl let out an "Eep!" and tried to hide inside her coat.

'_Naruto-kun said I was adorable! Eeeeep! Now I just gotta kidnap him...take him away...and then..._' Hinata's thoughts began trailing down a 'different' path as blood dripped from her nose. Naruto was busy watching Hinata, and didn't notice Sasuke come up to him.

"Hey, Naruto, where'd you get the sword?" Sasuke asked in actual interest as he sat down beside the blonde. You see, he used to be a douche. But then Jinso suddenly appeared and showed him just what would happen if he went down the path of an Avenger. That changed Sasuke.

"It was a gift from my Nii-san. You like it?"

"Yeah, it looks pretty cool." They were both interrupted by a shriek from Sakura.

"Naruto-baka, stop trying to be cool! Everyone knows that you're just a worthless orphan who's unworthy of being loved and has no family! Your mother was probably a street whore who got pregnant off your dad and died from an STD while he left and never came back!" Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Naruto, who seemed calm. _Too_ calm. Sasuke facepalmed. Why did Kami have to curse him with these horrid fangirls? The Uchiha looked to his right to see Naruto with a blank expression.

'_Shit, he must be _really_ mad to not show any emotion._'

'_Must refrain from killing. Must refrain from carving her guts out and selling them to a butcher shop._' The blonde raged inside his head.

"**Naruto-kun, I say screw the rules and just kill the girl now.**" Rika told him from his mindscape. He was about to do it when Jinso's voice appeared in his head.

"_Hey, little bro, guess what? They decided that even though I'm way above jonin level, I'm a chunin and just need experience to be promoted. I'm also teaching your class with Iruka! Isn't that sweet?_"

'_Kind of in a tough situation, Nii-san. I'm trying not to kill Sakura Whoruno 'cuz she said my Kaa-san was probably a street whore and that I'm just a bastard child._'

"_...Hang on, kid. I'm about to enter in 3...2...1..._" A brown blur somersaulted in through the window and landed on top of the teacher's desk right as Iruka walked in, nearly giving the scarred chunin a heart-attack.

"Listen up, brats! My name is Keiji Uzumaki, also known as the brother of Naruto Uzumaki! You are to refer to me as Keiji-sensei or Uzumaki-sensei! Now, I only got three rules, so pay attention! First rule, I will curse all I want, and I don't give a damn who says otherwise! Rule two, any disobedience will be dealt with immediately and with more than a slap on the wrist! And rule three, if anyone harasses my bro, there will be punishment! Better whip out your notebooks kiddies! School's now in session!" Jinso shouted. Iruka had recovered from his pseudo heart attack, and turned to the class.

"Well, it seems the introductions are over. Now then—" Iruka was interrupted by a shriek from Sakura.

"You! You threatened my mother yesterday!" She yelled, pointing at Jinso.

"She annoyed me. I responded. End of story. Now pay attention to Iruka-sensei!" He replied with a twitching eyebrow. Iruka coughed.

"Thank you, Keiji-sensei. Now then, before we start, are there any questions for Keiji-sensei?" Chouji Akimichi raised his hand.

"Yeah, how are you a teacher? You don't look old enough to be one." The boy asked. Jinso nodded.

"Good question. Technically, you don't have to just be a certain age to be a teacher. You really just have to be a chunin." Shikamaru Nara raised his hand.

"You, pineapple head."

"As a follow-up to Chouji's question, how are you a chunin?" Jinso chuckled.

"This is how..." Jinso faced the wall, and grasped the handle of his sword. Everyone immediately focused on him. A flash of light signaled movement, and before they knew it, they already heard the _click_ of Jinso resheathing his sword. Parts of the wall fell off to reveal a short sentence.

_FIELD PROMOTION, BITCH._

Jinso turned back to the class.

"That answer your question?" Shikamaru just put his head on the desk, mumbling about 'troublesome blondes and their crazy brothers'.

"Now then, if there are no more questions, let's begin the lesson." Jinso said with a crazy smile.

**And that ends the first chapter of Disciple of the Elder God! Tune in next time, and don't forget to review!**

**~Jinso-kun**


	2. Why the fuck did you touch it?

**Jinso: Hello everyone, and welcome to chapter two of Disciple of the Elder God! But before we begin, I would first like to acknowledge and thank people that reviewed only less than a week after I posted the first chapter! Damn! **

**Asa Usa: **Yes, it is a bit cheesy, but if there were no cheesy things in life, we wouldn't have nachos! That would be horrible!

**Gundam Lord:** DAMN STRAIGHT! PRAISE JINSO, BITCHES!

**NarutoLuver896: **Don't worry, I will probably only add one more girl to the harem, and it will NOT be Sakura! It'll probably be Shizune or something.

**kb: **I understand why you would have problems with Jinso abiding by human rules. There is a reason for that, though. See, even though he is the highest deity and can easily remove a person from existence without batting an eyelash, don't you think that if he just started killing people who annoyed him anytime they did so, other people would form mobs and shit to try and kill him? Plus, that'd give him too much paperwork to deal with up in the heavens, and he does NOT want that. (Yes, even the greatest god still has to deal with the white menace.)

**Uzunaru999:**...That...is...GENIUS! Jinso, to the howler monkey! *insert transition theme*

**midnight-raven-wing: **Thank you very much, and don't worry, this story is going on the good path! Or is it that crazy-as-fuck path? Hmm...I'll have to figure that one out...

**Gravity The Wizard:** Actually, this story will not become a Gary/Mary-sue fic, as from now on, Jinso will still be a main character, but he'll be on the sidelines, and occasionally part of the main plot.

**god of all: **I am continuing it soon, but I will not be on fanfiction on the 23rd, as it is part of a petition I'm doing to help stop the destruction of fanfiction.

**sword of time: **Sorry, but nope. Though, I might add Shizune.

**some random dude: **Thank you very much! I'm very pleased to know that you're happy reading my stories, as that was my purpose for joining !

**The Lover of Many Stories: **Will do!

**renegadeofficer89: **Thank you very much! FIELD PROMOTION, BITCH!

**Also, I'm sorry for posting this so late! I had to go on an eight-day, quote, unquote 'mandatory' stay at Shawnee up in Pennsylvania. It was good and all, but I couldn't get wifi 'cuz if I wanted to, I had to pay $12 a DAY for it! FUCK NO! But, anyways, this shall be your 'I'm sorry' gift from me!**

**On that note, let's get to the chapter!**

Timeskip 3 Years

It was now the day of team placements. Throughout the 3 years of the Academy that had passed, the students had been taught a number of things and faced entirely new experiences. Of course that always came with some trouble and different events. One such event was that he was going to be promoted to jonin at the end of this last Academy year.

(I'm not going to do the graduation test because you know that I'd just have Naruto use KBs instead of regular bunshins.)

(Additional: The Rookie Nine all passed.)

"Alright, here are your teams..." Naruto just laid his head down on the desk and waited for his name to be called.

"Team 7, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, and Hyuuga Hinata." Multiple shrieks appeared all over the room from Sasuke's fanclub.

"NOO! WHY COULDN'T I HAVE BEEN WITH SASUKE-KUN?"

"I BET THAT HYUUGA HUSSY IS JUST TRYING TO GET IN SASUKE-KUN'S PANTS!" Naruto turned and glared at the one who said that, brandishing the tanto Jinso had given him in the form of a massive claymore.

"You wanna say that again, you fuck-faced skank?" He growled out.

"AHEM!" Everyone turned to see Jinso with his hand in front of his mouth.

"Now then...your team will be taught by Hatake Kakashi. Team 8, Inuzuka Kiba, Aburame Shino, and Whoruno Sakura."

"I AM NOT A WHORE, YOU JERK!"

"'Scuse me, I coughed a little when I said that." Naruto and Sasuke smirked at the back of the room, knowing he actually did call her a whore.

"Your sensei will be Yuhi Kurenai."

"Team 9 is still in circulation from last year, so Team 10 will be Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chouji, and Nara Shikamaru. Your sensei will be Sarutobi Asuma. Please wait for your team senseis to arrive here." Jinso then gave a peace sign with his hand, and with a loud shout of "Ja Ne!" he threw a flash bomb down and disappeared.

**3 Hours Later**

"Where the hell is our sensei!" Sasuke yelled. Everyone else had already left the building, and they were the only ones left. The three were sitting on a row of desks right beside each other, and Hinata was leaning her head on Naruto's shoulder. Said whiskered blonde began tapping his finger to his chin.

"If I remember correctly, Nii-san said to wait three hours, leave a note for our sensei—and a trap—and then go to the roof. Something about him being a major perv and always showing up late as fuck." He replied to the ravenette. So then Naruto got out a slip of paper, wrote down a message, and the three left to go to the Academy roof.

**One Minute Later**

A man with silver, gravity-defying hair stepped into the room. Seeing no one there, he looked around. Then Kakashi spotted a note on the floor.

_Dear Ero-scarecrow,_

_Look behind you._

_-Team 7_

_P.S: We're on the roof._

"Look behind me?...What the—oh shit!" Kakashi had to dodge a hail of flaming and sparking kunai before moving over an 8x4 mat of makibishi spikes and finally leaping out the window to avoid a lightningbolt that crashed down where he used to be.

'_Are they crazy! That could've actually killed me!_' Kakashi mentally shouted. He then shunshined up to the roof only to find Team 7 playing poker. Of course, he then facefaulted onto the ground.

"Oh, good. Sensei's here." Naruto remarked while not looking away from the poker game. Kakashi got up slowly, his eyebrow twitching. The silver-haired Cyclops then used the Demon Head Technique to shout at them.

"GOOD! I SERIOUSLY COULD HAVE DIED!" Kakashi screamed with fire coming out of his mouth and in his eye.

"Then don't be late next time, and we won't lay out any traps. Your skills must seriously be lacking for a group of greenhorn genin to get one up on you, anyways." Sasuke told him, also not looking up from their game. Kakashi's eyebrow twitched once more.

"Alright, then. How about we do some introductions?" Naruto and Sasuke both let out a sigh at the same time and packed away the cards. As the three got near Kakashi, the jonin pulled out his beloved Icha Icha Paradise. While Sasuke and Hinata were ahead of Naruto, the blonde had stopped with a dark shadow covering his eyes.

"Kakashi-sensei...what is that in your hands?" The blonde asked in a calm voice that sent shivers down both Sasuke and Hinata's spines.

'_Oh, shit. Kakashi just had to be a fan of the __**one**__ book series in the world that Naruto wishes to destroy._' Sasuke thought with a mental role of his eyes.

"Why, it's none other than Icha Icha, written by the great Jiraiya-sama of the Sannin!" The cycloptic jonin replied happily.

"Good..." Naruto then pulled the tanto off his back, turned it into a massive longsword, and set it on fire.

"'CUZ I'M GONNA DESTROY EVERY LAST ONE OF THOSE BOOKS!" The blonde shouted, death in his eyes as he raced toward the accursed waste of paper.

"HOLY SHIT! DUCK AND COVER, HINATA!" Sasuke yelled as he and the Hyuuga heiress both jumped far away from the blonde streak of death. Kakashi looked a boy who had just been caught by his mom sneaking out at night, only, his 'mother' was a crazy-ass blonde with a massive flaming sword that wanted to destroy his book. Naruto managed to get close and slice Kakashi's book into pieces, only to find out that it had been replaced with a log. Said jonin was hiding with Sasuke and Hinata.

"Sensei, if you value your life and your manhood, you will NEVER take that book out near Naruto again." Sasuke warned him. The ravenette then got up and shouted out to Naruto.

"It's all right! He promised to never take the book out near you again, alright?" Naruto nodded, and put away his sword. The four then joined together by the side of the roof.

"Alright, let's do some introductions. Smut-killer, you're first." Kakashi said, pointing meekly at Naruto.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like Hina-chan, onii-san, ramen, Ayame-chan, Anko-chan, pocky, dango, watching clouds. My dislikes are rapists, _perverts_," Naruto said, looking pointedly at Kakashi.

"That smut which shall not be named, arrogant people, and animal abusers. My favorite food is ramen-it's like crack, I tell you. And my goals...Hey...what the hell is that over there?" Naruto asked, pointing to a strange, pulsing ellipse that was in midair.

"I...don't know." Kakashi said, rubbing the back of his cranium. Naruto began walking towards it.

'_Little bro, whatever you do, don't touch—_' And of course, Naruto had touched it right then, causing him to disappear in a flash of light. Jinso suddenly appeared on scene.

"Fuck, he touched it, didn't he!" The chocolate-haired god turned to Kakashi.

"We'll be back...sometime..." As the ellipse began to close, Jinso jumped straight through, sending him to a new place.

**On the other side of the portal**

Naruto and Jinso both tumbled out onto a grassy field with a massive cherry blossom tree in the middle of it all.

"Dammit, Naruto, when I say _don't touch it_, you don't FUCKING TOUCH IT!" Jinso yelled. Naruto got up with a sigh.

"Sorry. You know me; I'm very curious." Jinso nodded.

"Yeah, I do." Both of them then looked around.

"So where the hell are we, onii-san?" Jinso looked and saw floating scrolls with two wisps of fire beside each. He then wet one of his fingers and stuck it in the air for a few seconds. Jinso brought it down with a deadpan look as he said,

"Shit."

"What?"

"We're in a video game right now." Naruto facepalmed.

"Why must I be attracted to shiny and glowing objects?" He moaned. Jinso then noticed one of the scrolls coming towards them.

"Naruto, stay back."

"What? Why?"

"These scrolls contain powerful monsters. They're too much for you to handle, but they're a piece of cake for me. Now get back!" Naruto leapt away right as the scroll made contact with Jinso, and the god met three blue imps.

"Well, lookie here, boys, we got ourselves a meal!" One of them cackled. Jinso merely smirked and drew his katana.

"Sorry, but, this item is off the menu!" He shouted, suddenly appearing behind an imp as it burst apart. Jinso then appeared behind another, and it burst apart. He finally positioned himself across from the last one, and then jumped high, bringing the blade down right in the imp's forehead. The barrier then dispelled. For some reason, he heard...a wolf and a squeaky voice? The god turned his head to see none other than Okami Amaterasu running up with Issun on her head. Suddenly, the sun goddess was stopped by a shout from Issun, which sounded something like,

"This guy doesn't look too friendly, Ammy! You better be careful!" Jinso turned around to face them, holding his katana by his side. Immediately, Amaterasu got ready to fight, and Issun said,

"Let's show him not to mess with the sun goddess!" Jinso merely flicked the mint green blood off of his blade and sheathed it. This confused Ammy and Issun, who said,

"He's not gonna fight?" Jinso crossed his arms.

"Come on out, Naruto. It's safe now." The duo looked to see a blonde 12 year-old with six whisker marks on his cheeks come out from behind a boulder. The teen then turned his attention back to Amaterasu. He studied the wolf, his eyes drifting up and down across Ammy.

"Something wrong, kid?" Issun asked. Jinso's eyes then looked right at the Poncle.

"Nothing is wrong, Issun." Issun and Ammy immediately paled.

"How do you know my name?" The chivalrous pervert said. Jinso folded his arms across his chest.

"I know all, grandson of Ishaku; like that the brilliantly white wolf you are standing on is the goddess Amaterasu, and how you are on a quest to gather the 13 Brush God techniques. Also that a flamboyant Tao master who speaks gratuitous French and constantly aggravates you and me both is going to arrive in exactly 3.52 seconds."

**3.52 Seconds Later**

"Hark! The call of the heavens, the earth, the sea... They summon me forth to defeat evil! Waka, the gods' gift to man is here! Bonjour!" The half-baked prophet announced as he landed atop the Guardian Sapling. He looked to see Jinso with Ammy, Issun, and Naruto, and Jinso's right eye was twitching.

"Who is your new friend, ma chérie?" Jinso _sloooowly_ drew his katana out of its sheath before he let out a roar of fury.

"I'M THE GUY WHO'S GONNA MAKE YOU PAY FOR FORCING ME TO SUFFER 15 GAMEPLAY HOURS OF ALMOST NONSTOP, GRATUITOUS FRENCHY BULLSHIT!" He then pointed the katana at Waka and leaped towards the girly man,

"BETTER WHIP OUT YOUR LIGHTSABER, BISHIE(1), 'CUZ THIS IS GONNA HURT!"

(1): Bishie: Short for Bishounen (lit. 'pretty boy') If you don't know what Waka looks like, go out to Gamestop or whatever, buy Okami, and the play the motherfucking game! You'll see what I mean by 'bishie', 'Waka's lightsaber', and 'suffering 15 gameplay hours of almost nonstop, gratuitous frenchy bullshit', _ma chérie_.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, that wraps up Chapter 2 of DOEG! Tune in next time to see Jinso and Waka's fight!

Waga meiji Jinso Kitsune-kun, hatamata ai sansuru kore messe-ji!

(My name is Jinso Kitsune-kun, and I approve this message!)


	3. A New Evil Rises

**Hey everyone, it's Jinso Kitsune-kun, here with a revamped version of Chapter 3. Now, I want to apologize for something before we start. I saw all the reviews you guys posted about how you couldn't understand just what the fuck was going on in the first version. I am REALLY sorry for that. Yesterday, when I typed up about ¾ of the chapter, I was essentially half-asleep. Sometimes, I tend to just spend a period of time doing something that I can't remember for the life of me, and I usually end up regretting it. I honestly don't know how the hell it happens, but it does. So when I started realizing what the hell I was doing, I accidentally posted the chapter without checking it. So...yeah. Sorry for all the inconvenience, and here's a better version that makes much more sense! Also, I have changed the harem and taken a few women out. If you don't like my decision, I've got a sack of marshmallows, a stick, and bonfire pit ready to receive the flames! **

**(****IGNORE THE SECTION BELOW IF YOU HAVE ALREADY READ THE FIRST POST OF CHAPTER 3****)**

**Before we start, it's Review Answering Time!**

**NarutoLuver896: **Thanks, but I just want to ask one favor of anyone who reviews (and I'm NOT being a jerkass here). Me and the other authors here on Fanfiction try to work our stories as best we can to appease you, the fans, and make them great to enjoy. Though it may not seem like it, we work VERY hard to make these stories. I often sit in front of my computer for an hour, give or take a few minutes, and try to think of ways to make my story better. It is nice to get a good review, but please don't make it one sentence like (and I'm not pointing fingers at anyone) "Good chapter" or "Nice job"! It's a bit insulting (and I'm understating this) to work so hard, and just get a one sentence review. Tell me what you liked about the chapter! Tell me what you hated! I'm not being a dick here, as I speak for all authors on fanfiction, good and bad.

**Crisdslasher: **I just happened.

**agnar: **Not ALL crack fics have 0% seriousness. I'm one of those authors who takes something you already know, fucks it up, and makes it something new. This is crack with plot.

**Guest: **It's hard being a high-level deity; Souls to judge, fucked-up bastards to let the Shinigami torture, and worst of all...*hisses*_paperwork_...Don't worry, I will deal with Sakura in a very..._special_ way that involves..._howler monkeys_... *laughs sadistically*

**Dragon Man 180:** Possibly...I'd have to think on how to do that IF I will. Don't get your hopes up just yet!

**Also, important news!**

**I have added a few women to the harem, and am thinking on whether or not I should add any more women in.**

**(****STOP IGNORING NOW!****)**

**Current Harem:**

Anko

Ayame

Fem. Haku

Hinata

Kin

Konan (New)

Rika (New)

Samui

Shizune (New)

Tayuya (New)

Yugito

The two secret women

**Taken out of the harem:**

Fuu

Tenten

Mikoto

Mei

Temari

And the one I said would be introduced this chapter

**Still thinking for anyone else. Also, Jinso will have someone, who you will see in this chapter! (Hint: Her name has "tera" in it!) Now then, without further ado...We depart!**

Chapter 3: A New Evil Rises

**HAJIME!**

"My, my, how angry you are!" Waka said as he dodged Jinso's attack. The choconette landed on the ground, crouched and ready to fight. Jinso then laughed at Waka's statement once he landed.

"Oh, trust me, this is mere annoyance! Now, that being said, let us fight like true swordsmen!" He stated. Waka glided(?) down, doing a midair pirouette.

"Indeed, ma chérie! Let us fight like warriors, not brutes!" The Tao Master replied.

"En garde!" Jinso mocked, leaping forward with the intent to stop Waka from drawing Pillowtalk. And it worked, as he was so fast that Waka was literally slammed into the barrier that somehow surrounded the fight—as it did for all fights—and received a nasty bump on his head that started bleeding. Amazingly, the slam broke one of the three weak spots in the barrier, and it dispelled.

"Whoa, the half-baked prophet got banged up real good!" Issun exclaimed. Jinso sheathed his sword with a flourish, and went over to Waka, who was holding his injured head.

"Need a hand, _ma chérie_?" He asked jokingly, extending his arm. Waka grasped the hand and stood up.

"I must admit, that was quite the..._fight_...if you could call it that, no?" The Tao Master commented.

"Indeed it was." Jinso's view then shifted to Amaterasu and Issun, who were being stared at by Naruto.

"Naruto, stop staring at the wolf and the little man on her head; You're making them uncomfortable!" He barked. Naruto immediately stopped.

"I just wanted to know why the wolf has weird red markings and a flaming mirror on its back, that's all!" The jinchuriki replied in a whiny voice.

"Wait, kid...you can see Ammy's markings?" Issun questioned.

"Yeah, so?" Naruto replied with a snort. Jinso facepalmed.

"Naruto, the wolf is a fricking god. That's why she has markings and a flaming mirror!"

"Ohhh...That makes _much_ more sense." Jinso's palm once more introduced itself to his forehead.

"_Anyways_, can we hang with you two for a bit? We're REALLY far from home, and we gotta figure out a way to get back."

"Uh, I dunno..." Issun replied, trying to find a way to get out of the situation.

"Naruto, do _it_." Jinso suddenly said, snapping his fingers. Naruto formed a hand seal and shouted,

"**Oiroke no Jutsu**!" A cloud of smoke enveloped him, clearing to show a hot, nearly naked woman with smoke trailing over the _NC-17_ rated areas, if you know what I mean.

"Holy smokes..." Issun mumbled, falling off of Amaterasu's head and onto the ground in a daze. Naruto transformed back into his regular self, and Jinso asked,

"So whatd'ya say?"

"Heck yes!" Issun instantly replied, shooting up onto Ammy's head.

"Now then...Mr. Flamboyancy, off with you!" Jinso said comically while making a shooing motion at Waka, not caring about anything the Tao Master said. The group began walking around aimlessly. Why? Because it's what you do when you are in a video game and have nothing to do!

"So if the wolf's a god, then shouldn't you two be bringing down divine justice or something?" Naruto asked out of nowhere. Amaterasu and Issun suddenly stopped in place.

"..."

"...Well?"

"..."

"You gonna answer me or what?" Naruto then questioned, getting annoyed by their silence. Jinso placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder and squeezed it tightly.

"Looks like we still have to work on your patience when we get home." The choconette told him. Jinso then turned to the duo.

"Even though my friend here is a bit impetuous in his questioning, he does have a point. If you're a god, shouldn't you be doing a certain job?" He asked them. Amaterasu looked at Issun, and then at them.

"_Follow me._" The wolf said for the first time, surprising everyone but Issun. Amaterasu led them to Hana Valley, where they sat down underneath a tree.

"_What would you like to know?_" She asked Jinso and Naruto.

"For starters, where the hell are we?" The whiskered blonde asked. Jinso gave him a look that told him to stop the cursing.

"You two are in a place known as Nippon(1), the land of mortals. You met us in Shinshu Field." Issun answered.

"Ok, then...Another question: what are you the god of?" Naruto then asked Amaterasu.

"_First of all, I am not a __**god**__. I am a __**goddess**__, young man. I am Okami Amaterasu, goddess of the sun._"

"Alright. And who are _you_?" The blonde then asked of Issun.

"I'm Issun, the Wandering Artist, and the 7th Celestial Envoy of the Brush Gods."

"Brush Gods?" This time Jinso answered him.

"The Brush Gods are the 13 gods of the zodiac. Each god has rule over a specific part of nature, and many tales and myths involve them. The Brush Gods were originally one god, but that one god died, and its power was separated into 13 different entities. Each Brush God can grant their powers to anyone they find worthy of using them, with the powers ranging from controlling the elements to the very heavens themselves." Jinso replied. Amaterasu narrowed her eyes at this.

"_How is it that you know so much about the deities of these lands if you claim to originate from elsewhere?_" She asked.

"I would rather not say for fear of you not believing me at all." Jinso told them with a sigh.

"Oh, come on! I'm a living being as tall as your thumb that is sitting on top of a wolf that is a goddess! You honestly think I won't even consider whether or not what you would say is true?" The Poncle asked with a laugh.

"You sure you wanna tell them, Nii-san?" Naruto asked him. Jinso nodded.

"They told us about themselves; it's only fair we do the same." He said, standing up from his spot.

"My name is Jinso. What I'm about to tell you sounds like it would be out of a fairy tale. I come from a different universe in of itself, and in that universe I am the highest deity in existence. I rule over all heaven and earth there, and I have almost never interfered in the world's affairs. I would only do so if it was to be needed, which was almost never. However, I did so 3 years back, in order to help out my friend here." Jinso gestured to Naruto to tell his story.

"You see, I am what is known as a jinchuriki, which means 'power of human sacrifice', a _sick_ title given to people who hold and/or held demons inside of them. The land I come from is known as the Elemental Nations. It is composed of many provinces that are named after elements themselves. The five major villages of the Nations are Konohagakure, Iwagakure, Kumogakure, Sunagakure, and Kirigakure, and each village has one or two resident jinchuriki of the total nine. There is also a village called Takigakure which has one jinchuriki.

Back when the Hidden Villages were not founded, a man named the Rikudo Sennin (Sage of Six Paths) became the first jinchuriki of the Juubi, the Ten Tailed Demon by sealing it into himself. The Juubi was the first of the Biju, multi-tailed demons who roamed the lands. On his deathbed, the Rikudo Sennin used the last of his energy to split the Juubi's energy into nine different beings, all having multiple tails.

The beings were known as the Biju (Tailed Beasts), and were labeled the Ichibi (One Tail), Nibi (Two Tails), Sanbi (Three Tails), Yonbi (Four Tails), Gobi (Five Tails), Rokubi (Six Tails), Nanabi (Seven Tails), Hachibi (Eight Tails), and Kyuubi (Nine Tails). The number of tails a Biju had meant how strong it was in a sort of ranking system. Ichibi was the weakest, and Kyuubi was the strongest. The Biju have had multiple vessels in the past, as means to be controlled for war. Jinchuriki are not well-liked in most of the villages, with the only major exceptions being Kumo, Kiri, and Taki.

On the day I was born, the Kyuubi, which was the strongest of the Biju, attacked my home, Konoha, under the control of a madman who hypnotized it for revenge. My father, the village leader, had no choice but to seal it into his only son, as a newborn baby's non-developed core would be able to slowly adapt to the Kyuubi's youki, or, demonic energy. My father did not have the will to ask another parent to give up their child instead of his own, so he put the village before his family. His dying wish was for me to be seen as a hero for keeping the Kyuubi at bay. But he was too naïve to realize that Konoha was full of bigots and morons.

For nine years, I suffered abuse and isolation at the hands of most of the entire village. People beat me, they overpriced me for rotten food and useless tools, they kept their children away from me at all costs, and they called for my death multiple times." The blonde said, clenching his fists in anger. Issun was shocked beyond all words, and Amaterasu had tears streaming down her face.

"I barely had ANY friends until I was six, when the owners of a ramen stand found me half-dead in the snow and took me in to heal me. They were the first people besides the village's leader, some of the civilians, and some of the ANBU, an elite squad of shinobi who protect the village's leader, to care for me and be nice to me without any intention of harming me.

When I was seven, I met the love of my life in the park. She was being bullied by three other kids for always being shy around other people. I ran right over and punched the shit out of them, telling them to leave her alone, or else. I instantly fell in love with her, and she felt the same way.

The reason she was always so shy was because she came from a prestigious clan of people with the same special ability, and most of them had a stick shoved up their asses. Her father was always hard on her, calling her weak and making her fight her own sister, but apparently it was because he didn't want the elders of the clan to brand her with a horrible seal and put her in the Branch Family of the clan, who were essentially slaves in almost every sense of the word to the Main branch.

When I was eight, I met my friend Shino. He was from a clan that had a bond with special bugs that lived inside of them. His clan was always considered freaks like me for that, so we instantly became best friends.

Then when I was nine, Jinso-nii me saved from what would have been my sure death at the hands of a mob. He stopped the final blow, and killed everyone in the mob. Then he gave me a bunch of gifts that really made my day. He also gave me a companion to be with me, and has been living with me ever since." Said companion began snuggling around in Naruto's kimono, and then poked her head out with a cute yip. (**A/N: Just imagine Chibiterasu from Okamiden, except with black fur, orange eyes, three tails, and no markings.**) Megumi hopped out of Naruto's kimono and landed on the ground, her three tails waving in the air behind her.

"Is that a kitsune?" Issun asked warily.

"Yeah. Why are you asking?" Naruto replied, putting Megumi back inside his kimono.

"_It's just...we had a run-in with a nine-tailed kitsune a few years back. She killed the queen of Nippon and possessed a priestess' body._" Naruto's mind went blank for a few seconds.

'_Nine-tailed...kitsune! Rika-chan, was that you!_' The blonde asked his tenant.

'**No way, Naruto-kun! I have never been here in my life, I swear!**' Rika replied, waving her hands in a 'no-way' motion. The duo looked over at Naruto, seeing a multitude of emotions crossing his face.

"Hey, kid, you alright?" Issun asked. Naruto's eyes turned back to them.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He quickly replied, keeping his eyes away from them.

"_Anyways, do you two have any more questions?_" Amaterasu then asked them.

"Just one: Why are you two down here if one of you is a god?" Jinso questioned.

"_I should explain. High above these lands, there is a place called the Celestial Plain. It is home to the 13 Brush Gods and myself. Earlier today, we all felt a disturbance in the properties of time and space. We were thinking of whom to send to investigate the disturbance, and I realized that I could visit all my old friends and Issun. So I volunteered. That is how we found you two._" She explained.

"I see. That must be why my abilities are not working." Jinso muttered.

"What do you mean?" Issun asked him.

"As you might know, there is no such thing as a perfect defense, correct?" Seeing their nods, he continued.

"That means everything has a weakness, even gods. My abilities are all regulated by the space-time continuum. If there is a disturbance in it, I lose a few of my abilities. I can still teleport, levitate, etc., but I cannot open a wormhole if my abilities are messed up. If my abilities were not screwed up right now, I could have opened a portal that would have lead me and Naruto back home. But I can't, and the only way to get my abilities back is to find out what is causing the disturbance and stop it." Jinso finished.

"So all we gotta do is find out what's messing with stuff it shouldn't be. That'll be easy! There hasn't been any major signs of evil in the land for about 3 years!" Issun replied. Suddenly, Jinso and Amaterasu both perked their heads up and looked around before turning to each other.

"You sensed that, right?" Jinso asked her.

"_Yes. There seems to be a fervent wave of evil energy coming from the North._" Amaterasu said.

"Wait, there's something evil in Kamui?" Issun asked.

"_It feels so familiar, but I cannot quite place it._" Naruto stood up.

"Then that's where we're going-ttebayo!" He shouted. The group cheered, and began running towards the North.

**Kamui**

The group got out of the observatory and was immediately blinded by a snowstorm.

"J-J-Jeez, it's cold!" Issun exclaimed.

"We're gonna need to find a place to stay until this blizzard ends." Naruto agreed.

"Then let's get moving." Jinso finished. Amaterasu began leading them towards Oki's house, only to find the Oina swordsman surrounded by at least 50 various Namahage.

"_Oki!_" Amaterasu exclaimed. Issun tried to pull her back, but he was flung off. Jinso caught the little Poncle, and gave him to Naruto.

"I need you to watch over Issun until Amaterasu and I get back, OK?"

"Got it, Nii-san! You can count on me!" The blonde replied. Jinso gave a happy nod and began running towards Oki. Amaterasu leapt right into the fray, tearing at the monsters.

"Amaterasu? Is that you?" Oki asked, not believing his eyes.

"_The one and only, Oki!_" She replied, cleaving another Namahage in half with Power Slash. A dark shadow leapt up amongst the cliffs, and began springing between them. It launched itself high and then landed right next to Oki, turning out to be Jinso. Amaterasu joined them, the two forming a barrier to protect Oki.

"So these are the punks that having been ravaging Kamui?" Jinso asked.

"_Yes, they are. Those are known as Namahage._" Amaterasu replied.

"Well then, let's show 'em what we're made of!" The choconette replied, throwing his sword in the air and pulling out two semi-automatic pistols. He leaned over a bit and his katana slid right into its sheath. Amaterasu roared at the Namahage, and the two of them charged. Amaterasu took half of the Namahage while Jinso took the others.

**Amaterasu's Fight**

Amaterasu equipped Solar Flare for this fight and immediately charged her group. In the first few seconds, six Namahage had been killed after being bashed over the head with the Reflector. Utilizing Galestorm, she continuously collected Demon Fangs from the monsters. After finishing off the entire group, Amaterasu looked over where Jinso was.

"_I think I'll go watch over Oki._" She said to herself.

**Jinso's Fight**

The choconette launched himself right over the group of Namahage, rapidly firing bullets into the crowd of monsters.

"Heh...I won't even need my guns for this fight!" He muttered happily, putting away the pistols. The Namahage took this time to launch their signposts at him.

**With Oki and Amaterasu**

Amaterasu had helped Oki stand up on one leg. His left ankle was broken, and he had broken his whole left arm.

"Thank you...*pant* Amaterasu. I think I would've been finished if you and that young man hadn't rescued me." The Oina warrior told her.

"_It was nothing; merely just helping out an old friend._" She replied.

"Who _is_ that young man anyways? He seems to be a bit underdressed to be in Kamui." Oki asked.

"_I think he'll be fine. From what I can tell, he—*gasp* Jinso!_" Amaterasu suddenly cried out, seeing the Namahage throw all of their signs at him.

**Back with Jinso**

Smirking, Jinso raised his right hand so that the palm faced the monsters.

"Don't you all know the saying?" He asked as the posts continued to move.

"What goes around..." The signs quickly stopped in the air right in front of him, floating there. Jinso then exerted a wave of energy from his palm, pushing the signs back while saying,

"...Comes around!" The signs bashed into their owners, sending the Namahage flying. Jinso held his hand in the air and moved it down, creating a katana with pure energy and solidifying it. He then held it behind him in a stance and disappeared with a sonicboom. The Namahage that were in the air froze up and then exploded in a shower of monster blood, with Jinso reappearing right behind them. He was then splattered with their mint-green blood. Snapping his fingers, the blood vanished from the choconette's jeans. He then ran over to Oki.

"You alright?" Jinso asked him. Oki groaned as the god held him up.

"I'll be fine. What is your name, young warrior?" Oki asked him, turning his head to the side to speak.

"My name is Jinso." He replied.

"Well, then...*groan* Thank you, Jinso, for helping me."

"It's no problem. Why don't we go inside so everyone can get warm?" Jinso asked him, calling Naruto over. The group all went inside Oki's house and dried off.

**A Few Minutes Later**

Megumi had wrapped herself up in her tails and was sleeping next to the fire. Everyone else was sitting around the fire themselves, drinking hot tea. Amaterasu and Jinso had dressed Oki's wounds and put his broken limbs into casts so that they could heal.

"_What happened before we arrived, Oki? From what I've seen, monster attacks have been very rare in the past few years, and for you to be cornered by fifty of them is most unusual._" Amaterasu asked him.

"I was visiting the other Oina at Wep'keer when I felt a blast of dark energy. The Namahage came charging from inside of Yoshpet. I was trying to defend Wep'keer while everyone got to safety, but there were too many of them. That was when you four arrived." He replied, holding his broken arm.

"They came from Yoshpet? How is that possible if no beast or half-beast can keep their bearings for more than 10 minutes maximum in there?" Issun asked him. Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Yoshpet? What the heck is that?" The blonde asked.

"Yoshpet is known to my people as the 'forest of confusion'. The trees inside it produce pollen that can cloud the senses of any beast. If a beast were to go inside of Yoshpet, it would have, at the most, ten minutes to find safety before it completely loses its bearings and ends up starving or freezing to death." Oki told him.

"Jeez...That sucks." Naruto commented.

"Yeah, but that's not even the worst part!" Issun replied.

"You're kidding...right?" Naruto asked him warily.

"Not a chance. They say that there is a secret part of Yoshpet that almost nobody has ever ventured into, and those who managed to enter it never came back." The Poncle said fearfully.

"Ok, _now_ you've gotten me interested." Jinso told him, watching intently.

"A long time ago, when Nippon first began, there was a rōnin(1) who traveled the lands, documenting everything he came across. No one ever knew his real name, but he came to be called The Historian, for he wrote the beginnings of Nippon's history. One day, The Historian was in Kamui when he came upon Yoshpet. Naturally, The Historian was curious." Issun began.

"He managed to venture to a deep part of Yoshpet, where the Spirit Gate stands. Seeing no other path, he turned to venture out of the forest. But suddenly, a spirit, black as night, came forth from the bushes. It beckoned him forward through an unseen path. The Historian followed the spirit deeper into the forest, where the sun's light barely shone. He came upon a hole in the ground, acrid purple smoke rising from its depths. Carefully, the Historian ventured down the hole and landed on a platform. Almost immediately, a giant monster appeared and attacked The Historian.

As he was a rōnin, The Historian vanquished the monster and cleared the hole of the smoke. When he did so, a tunnel appeared, leading him to a vast wealth of treasure. But it is said that a terrible dragon guarded the treasure, judging all who found him, and those who could not prove themselves worthy were killed on the spot. The travelers who found him had to prove their worth through a riddle that the dragon provided. Many have ventured forth to claim the treasure, but it is said that only the Historian was worthy of doing so.

Years later, a man by the name of Ryoushi (Hunter) appeared before the dragon. Ryoushi had failed the dragon's test, and was supposed to be killed by the dragon. But somehow, he managed to escape its awful wrath, and hid for the rest of his life. The dragon, furious at not killing an unworthy person, clawed its way out of the hole and ravaged that part of Yoshpet. It then lived in that area; ready to kill all who angered it. Legends abound of this dragon, but they all end with the same saying: 'When the moon is shadowed on the night it turns blue, the dragon shall emerge from its home and walk among mortals for a single night'..." Issun finished his tale, letting silence thicken the air.

"Wait, it said when the moon is shadowed, right? Doesn't that mean a lunar eclipse?" Naruto asked. Jinso nodded.

"A regular lunar eclipse can cause the moon's appearance to turn red like blood, but when a blue moon is eclipsed, the appearance can change depending on your viewpoint.(2a)" The choconette replied.

"Well, it's a good thing that an eclipse of a blue moon only happens 11 times every 1000 years, or we'd be in trouble!(2b)" Issun remarked happily. Suddenly, a massive roar made everyone stop in their tracks and look out of the window. Something from deep inside Yoshpet was breathing fire into the sky while the eclipse of a blue moon shone brightly.

(**A/N: Ladies and gentlemen, in a few seconds, there is going to be MASSIVE amounts of cursing. So please, by all means, laugh your asses off at this Chuggaaconroy reference. ;D**)

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Naruto yelled.

"YOU JUST _HAD_ TO TYPE THAT IN! YOU JUST _HAD_ TO FUCKING TYPE THAT IN! RIGHT AS HE FINISHED SAYING IT! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! _**AUTHOR! **_YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! GODDAMMIT! CAN'T I GET A MOTHERFUCKING BREAK FROM THIS SHIT, YOU JACKASS!" The blonde roared, pointing at the sky. Jinso put his hand on Naruto's shoulder and squeezed tightly.

"Naruto, as much as I would love to punch the real version of me in the face, we aren't allowed break the fourth wall just yet." Issun snorted.

"Too late for that. You _really_ need more self-control, kid." The Poncle said.

"_I agree. The young boy should have more control over himself. It would not do him well to be easily angered in the future._" Amatarasu concurred.

"Sadly, we have no time to yell at my real self, for the Typestream is commanding us to go fight the dragon." Jinso told him.

"The fuck is that?" Naruto asked bluntly.

"You know the Matrix Trilogy, right?"

"Yeah?"

"The Typestream is the Author's version of the Matrix, with a few tweaks here and there."

"What kind of tweaks?"

"He can use it to make you do something." Suddenly, a breeze rolled in and everyone heard a voice.

"_That's damn right, blondie. Now if you don't go kill that motherfucking dragon, I'm gonna kill you off and give your harem to Rock Lee._" The voice said angrily.

"You wouldn't!" Naruto exclaimed in horror.

"_Believe me, bitch, I would! Now get your whiskered ass over there!_" With that, the breeze was gone and the voice had left them.

"Well...Let's get going." Jinso said after an awkward silence.

**And that is the remake of Chapter 3! I am SO sorry for the first post of this chapter, and I really wanted to make it up to you guys. So, a few things before we head off!**

**1: A rōnin is a traveling warrior who has no real allegiance to any one state, city, country, etc. They're sort of like mercenaries.**

**2a: It is possible for a blue moon to be eclipsed, as the most recent one was on December 31****st****, 2009, I believe.**

**2b: This fact is indeed true. An eclipse of a blue moon is so rare that it only happens 11 times per every ONE THOUSAND years. So, if you manage to see one, you are EXTREMELY lucky.**

**Also, have any of you reviewers guessed who will be with Jinso?**

**Until next time,**

**JA NE! *disappears in a flash of light***

**-Jinso Kitsune-kun**


	4. Returning Home

**Hello, everyone, and welcome to Chapter 4! First of all...**

**REVIEW ANSWERING TIME!**

**ziyan2121: Why, thank you very much!**

**adngo714: We'll be getting into that in this chapter, but I'm not gonna spoil anything!**

**Dragon Man 180: The Fourth Wall breaking was supposed to be a bit of comedy in a serious plot. If you haven't noticed by now (and you should've), I am an author who likes to write crack fics that have PLOT. I can't ALWAYS be serious when I type! It's just not in my nature! Well, that, and I have ADHD, so there you go! Also, I know that Ammy does not have hands. -_- I've played Okami before. She used her snout to tug on the bandages and tighten them while Jinso did the rest. And another thing...what prophecy? Issun was just telling a local myth! I NEVER said it was a **_**prophecy**_**!**

**Now then, I have a bit of more serious news to explain.**

**First...I DO take requests for additions to the harem. HOWEVER...I will NOT do such things as taking out almost EVERY woman in the harem because a reviewer doesn't like my choices. I want you guys to have a part in some of the decisions, but stuff like that crosses the line by a mile! If you don't like big harems, or are a flaming, rabid NaruSaku fan, the back button is in the upper-left corner of your browser! That also counts for Yaoi fans, because I will NEVER write...*hisses***_**Yaoi**_**...**

**Second, this story will go how **_**I**_** want it to go. If I want it to have enough cursing in it to make a sailor faint, then so be it! Also, the humor I use in this story involves a LOT of foul language and the occasional innuendo. Don't like it? There's the back button, so see ya, and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!**

**Lastly, and most importantly...this story involves **_**MY**_** opinion. It's **_**my**_** opinion, not yours. No ever said you had to like it, and no one is forcing you to feel the same way. But if you have a problem with my opinion, honestly, whining like a little bitch is NOT going to help anyone. It's only going to piss me off and ruin the peace of this website. Remember this: I will not hesitate to report anyone who acts like a dick towards me in the reviews. This is just a warning for anyone who wants to FLAME me, so all you good reviewers get cookies for being nice! But as the saying goes, "Wake the sleeping dragon, and he will not hesitate to destroy you."**

**Okay, now for the harem! I have actually added Mikoto back in, so don't question my judgement, and that'll probably be it for the harem! And if you haven't figured it out yet, Jinso will be in a relationship with Amaterasu!**

**Here's the listings!**

Current Harem:

Anko

Ayame

Fem. Haku

Hinata

Kin

Konan

Mikoto

Rika

Samui

Shizune

Tayuya

Yugito

The two secret women

**Now then...ON WITH THE CHAPTER! HIYA! ALLY-ONSY!**

Chapter 4- Returning Home

**At the Spirit Gate**

As the group arrived in the clearing, Jinso surveyed the area. Many of the trees had been burned down by the fire that was shot into the air.

"Well, I don't think the dragon has gotten out of its hole yet, so we're good for now." Issun commented, looking around as well.

"_Now_ being the key term." Jinso reminded him.

"So Naruto, you didn't bring Megumi here, did you?" The choconette then asked the blonde.

"Nah. I left her back with Oki so she wouldn't get harmed." Naruto replied.

"Good. Now, we need to be careful when going through here. None of us know what the terrain is like, so make every step cou—"

"NARUTOOOO UZUMAKIIII!" The blonde suddenly shouted, running headfirst through the path to the hole.

"DAMMIT, NARUTO! ISSUN'S MOTTO DOES _NOT_ APPLY TO _YOU_!" Jinso shouted, running after his companion with Amaterasu and Issun.(1)

**At the Dragon's Den**

The other three appeared on the scene only to see Naruto dodging a blast of fire. They followed the stream of flames to the source, and saw it coming from a hole in the ground, bending like an L as it escaped.

"How the fuck is that even possible!" The blonde exclaimed, dodging another fireball.

"Hey, dipshit! Come out here and fight me yourself!" Naruto then shouted, shaking his fist. Suddenly, tremors rocked the area and a roar came from the hole.

"I think you made it angry!" Issun exclaimed.

**BGM ACTIVATED: GUNDAM 00 OST 2 TRACK 29- COUNTERATTACK**

The ground around the hole began to bulge, and Jinso shouted,

"HIT THE DECK!" All four of them leapt away from the ground as it exploded in a burst of dark, violet fire. Burning embers swirled around the area, lighting multiple trees on fire. Chunks of burning earth flew down from the skies they had been launched into. From the flames, a shadowy figure rose taller than even the Ezofuji Mountains. As it reached the apex of its height, moonlight shone down, illuminating the monster.

The dragon was covered in golden scales that shone in the moonlight. Its silver scalene eyes glowed entrancingly. Two shiny black horns stood proud atop its head, and its black claws and talons glinted in contrast to the snow. Its ivory teeth were crusted with the blood of the unworthy. The dragon reared its head back and let out a screeching roar, blowing all the needles off of many of the pine trees.

"Fuck." Naruto stressed the "f" as he stared up at the dragon's hulking form. The colossal beast pointed its head up and let out a stream of fire from its mouth, roaring all the while. When it was done, the dragon crashed down onto all fours and stared at the group.

**BGM DEACTIVATED**

"_**Who dares to awaken I, Ryugouteki (Grand Dragon), Protector of Eternal Knowledge, and Slayer of the Unworthy, from my slumber?**_" The dragon bellowed; its deep voice rumbling throughout the forest. Jinso stared at the dragon and then stepped forward with an impassive look on his face, studying it closely. He then blinked and smirked at the dragon.

"What, do you not remember me?" The choconette asked, staring the dragon right in the eye. Ryugouteki leaned his head downwards to meet Jinso's gaze.

"_**Who might you be young mortal?**_" He asked.

"You must be getting old if you can't remember me, Ryu!" Jinso asked him with a smirk. Ryugouteki's eyes suddenly widened and a laugh escaped his throat.

"_**Only one person has ever me had the balls to call me **__**that**__**! Good to see you, Jinso!**_" The dragon said happily.

"It's good to see you as well, Ryu. It's been, what, two hundred thousand years since we last met?" Jinso replied.

"_**Indeed it has! You seem to have shrunk in all that time! How did that happen?**_" The mighty dragon asked.

"I kinda prefer to wear this around the humans so they don't freak out and try to have a paladin come kill me like usual. So how've you been doing, Ryu?" Jinso replied.

"_**The usual; a foolish human tries to prove their worth; I burn them alive and bite their legs off. It's much like bacon, believe it or not, though I believe the last time I actually had bacon was at that stag party Dionysus hosted. Now tell me, where is Kami? How has she been doing?**_" Ryugouteki asked him.

"Eh, Kami's been doing well. She's in a whole 'nother dimension, though."

"_**Oh, really? Hmm...Well, it seems you have found a companion or three to travel with. What are their names?**_" Ryu questioned lowering his head to look at them. The rest of the group stared at their conversation with wide eyes and dropped jaws.

"The little glowing guy is Issun, the blonde is Naruto, and the wolf is Amaterasu." That made Ryu's eyes widen a little bit.

"_**Amaterasu, you say? Hmm...**_" Ryu questioned, leaning down to get a good look at Amaterasu.

"_**I sense that her true form has been kept hidden from the world for many ages...White wolf...will you not reveal that which you truly are?**_" Ryu asked Amaterasu. Amaterasu nodded and closed her eyes, beginning to glow.

Her lupine claws turned into thin female hands as almost all traces of fur vanished from her body. The thick matting that had covered her was replaced with a sort of tribal clothing. Her large _upper regions_ were covered with a white animal skin top that stopped right below her breasts. Below her navel, a white animal skin skirt went down to the middle of her thighs. White moccasins shielded Amaterasu's feet from the harsh snow. Hair the color of clouds with red streaks drifted down from her head and ended at the small of her back. Two white wolf ears stood atop her silky hair, and a thick, white tail extended from the back of her skirt.(2) This caused various reactions.

Issun, having fallen off of Amaterasu into the snow when she changed, and having gotten to his feet, fell back down in a daze.

"What a babe..." The poncle muttered.

Naruto gawked with a bit of a bloody nose at what he saw.

'_Holy shit!_' Was the only thought in his head. But in the seal, however...

'**Naruto-kun, if you don't stop staring at her, you will NEVER get an erection again. And believe me; it'll hurt me a LOT more than it'll hurt you if that happens!**' Rika ground out angrily.

'_Y-Yes ma'am!_'

Jinso stared at Amaterasu with a blush on his face.

"Gorgeous..." He said with a blush on his face. Amaterasu looked around, seeing the various reactions. The one that caught her attention was Jinso's, ESPECIALLY when she heard his opinion of her.

'_He thinks I'm gorgeous..._' For some reason, Amaterasu's heart soared at Jinso's statement. Naruto, having gotten out of his stupor, saw Jinso's expression and began laughing.

"Nii-san's in love! Nii-san's in love!" The blonde said in a sing-song voice. Jinso's face turned red as he put Naruto in a headlock.

"Shut the fuck up, you little brat!" The choconette said while he tried to choke the life out of Naruto with the crook of his elbow. Amaterasu giggled at their antics with a blush on her face.

"_**OK, Jin, put the gaki down. There's still the matter of why you are here in Kamui.**_" Ryu reminded him.

"Fine!" Jinso snarled, shoving Naruto face-first into the snow.

"Brat, when we get home, I'm tripling your training regimen, AND you're paying the bills for the next two months!" The choconette told him, calling him the same name he did whenever Naruto pissed him off.

"Why me...?" Naruto weakly mumbled.

'**Because you made fun of a god and added some proof to the stereotype about your hair color, you dumb blonde.**' Rika told him with a huff, folding her arms under her ample breasts.

"_**Now then, Jin...Why **__**are**__** you here in Kamui, anyways?**_" Ryu asked Jinso.

"Well, earlier today, some unknown dipshit here in Kamui fucked with the properties of time and space. As a result, the blonde I just put in a headlock accidentally went through a portal, and I had to chase after him to get him back. Because of the unknown dipshit that I mentioned, I can't get us back. That's why we're here. I sensed a wave of evil energy appear, along with a sliver of an energy signature, But due to the massive blizzard out here, I can't sense it anymore; too much life energy floating around. So, you mind helping us out?"

"_**I can find the energy if you want. But you gotta track whoever or whatever it is down.**_"

"No prob."

"_**Alright then...**_" Ryu's eyes turned green for a minute or two before changing back to their original color.

"_**The energy seems to be located about a mile away from the village up near the mountains. Go there, and you'll probably find whoever's messing with time and space.**_"

"Thanks Ryu!"

"_**You're welcome, Jin. Now get the hell out of here so I can sleep again!**_" With that, the group hurried towards Oki's house to get Megumi back, and then began their trek to Wep'keer.

**Five Minutes Later**

The four of them reached the top of the hill in Wep'keer that led to the Ezofuji Mountains.

"Alright, who the fuck decided it was a good idea to make walkways out of snow?" Naruto asked, jerking his thumbs towards the village.

"Don't know, don't care. Now quit your bitching and get moving." Jinso replied curtly.

**Five More Minutes Later**

The group finally arrived at Laochi Lake (With much complaining from Naruto about the structure of certain things), where the Ark of Yamato was once frozen in place until Amaterasu and Waka boarded it. The frozen waters had melted when that happened, so now it was just a regular lake.

"So where the fuck is the thing that's messing up your powers, Nii-san?" Naruto asked.

"According to what Ryu said, it's supposed to be right in front of us." Jinso told them as he stood in front of the lake.

"But there's only water there." Issun remarked.

"Well, if there's water where it should be, then that means...Oh, fuck." Jinso said with a facepalm.

"What?"

"We have to go under the water. From what I can sense, there is a large building on the bottom of the lake."

"Are you serious!" Issun exclaimed.

"Do I look like I'm _not_?" Jinso asked in response.

"Can you guys just excuse me for a second?" Naruto suddenly interrupted, with Jinso nodding a reply. The blonde then scuttled over behind a rock, and let out a shout of rage.

"**DAMN YOU, MIYAMOTO! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO CREATE THE MOTHERFUCKING WATER TEMPLE! MORPHA WAS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT, TOO! THE DAMN PHYSICS WEREN'T EVEN CORRECT!**" Naruto raged, his yell shaking the ground.

(**A/N: ANYONE who has played The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time knows what I'm talking about.**)

Naruto then came back over to the group, with Amaterasu and Issun staring at him in confusion.

"Sorry about that. I'll explain later." The whiskered blonde quickly replied.

"It's fine, Naruto. Now then...I'm going to put up a bubble of air around us to regulate our body temperatures since the lake is freezing. However, due to my limited powers, I can only keep it up for about 2 hours. That means if we don't find breathable air in the underwater building in the next 2 hours, we will all drown and/or freeze to death." Jinso explained his plan for getting through the dungeon.

"Alright, but there's one flaw to that plan; It'd take us about a half an hour to sink down to the bottom. Add in having to get used to the changed physics, and we'd have actually about 5 minutes of air available." Issun replied with a serious face. But that face quickly changed to one of confusion when Jinso smirked at him.

"What? I got something on my face?" Issun asked him.

"Nothing's funny. It's just...I never said we'd have to sink down, now did I? No, my friend; teleportation is how we're doing it!" The male deity of the group said in response with a grin. But he quickly let all emotions drain from his face.

"Everyone buddy up! With my limited powers, I can't transport everyone individually, so grab a friend and hang on tight!" He told the other three. Amaterasu quickly latched onto Jinso while Issun hopped into Naruto's unruly hair. Jinso's serious gaze left him for a moment as he blushed at the contact between his arm and Amaterasu's breasts. Getting it back, he held tightly onto Amaterasu and snapped his fingers. The four of them were enveloped in a ball of light that flew up and then down towards the lake's icy depths.

**Back in Konoha, The Hokage's Office**

"Let me get this straight, Kakashi..." Hiruzen began.

"Your team managed to catch you in a trap that could've actually killed, after which you went to the roof of the Academy. Once you had a bit of interaction with your team, you decided to get introductions out of the way, before which, you pulled out your Icha Icha book. That in turn pissed Naruto-kun off, and he tried to destroy the book and possibly you. Am I correct so far?" Seeing the cycloptic jonin's nod, he continued.

"After that interaction, the introductions began. When it came to Naruto-kun's turn, he did not finish due to seeing some kind of glowing ellipse on the opposite side of the roof. None of you knew what it was, so he went over to examine it, at which point, he touched it and was sucked inside. Then a brown haired teen with a golden katana on his back suddenly appeared and cursed in anger. He then turned to you and said that the both of them would be back 'sometime', correct?" Kakashi nodded once more.

"Then said teen dove into the ellipse right as it closed, leaving you all confused?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Hiruzen leaned on his desk and began to rub his temples.

"I'm too old for this shit..." The aged Hokage muttered.

"Well, Kakashi, it seems that since NONE of our shinobi can figure out just what that ellipse was, we'll have to wait for Naruto and that other person to return, and pray that both of them are alright. Until then, none of you are to speak to anybody else of this accord. This is a SS-Rank secret, understood?" Kakashi, along with Sasuke and Hinata, nodded.

"Good. Now then, it seems you will have to postpone any team events besides meetings until Naruto-kun and the other person come back. Until then, you are free to do whatever you like with the rest of your time." With that, Hiruzen waved the three off, and when they were out the door, the man known as the Professor unsealed a bottle of sake and took a swig from it.

"Naruto-kun, wherever you are, I hope you're alright..."

**Bottom of Lake Laochi**

The ball of light stopped in front of a massive iron building and shrank itself into nothingness, revealing the four adventurers.

"Whoa..." Naruto said, gazing at his own two hands as if they weren't his.

"It feels so weird breathing underwater..." The blonde continued.

"Trust me, gaki; you're gonna get used to it." Jinso told him, still holding Amaterasu. The choconette turned his gaze to the iron dungeon in front of them.

"There seems to be a powerful entity lurking in the depths of this building. We're gonna need to be on guard the whole time, as we've only got 1 hour and 58 minutes left of air. So let's move!" With that shout, the group entered the underwater dungeon.

(**A/N: If you came here for serious plot with a lot of comedy mixed in, feel free to laugh at these four's experiences in the most hated type of dungeon in video gaming history!**)

When they first entered inside the dungeon, four braziers stood in an empty room with a locked door at the other end.

"So, what? We gotta light these torches or something? That'll be easy!" Issun remarked.

"Uh, in case you haven't noticed, we're _underwater_. Fire doesn't work down here." Naruto replied.

"I knew that." Issun fired back.

"Then why'd you say that lighting them with fire would be easy?"

"..."

"Exactly."

"So, we'll have to use the next best thing!" Jinso then said happily, turning them away from the argument.

"Which _is_?" Naruto asked him. The blonde turned to his surrogate older brother to see Jinso on one knee with a glowing hand held in front of him and a shit-eating grin on his face.

"PLUG YOUR EARS, MOTHERFUCKERS!" A blue laser as large as Jinso's crouched form fired straight from his glowing palm and hit the door, blasting it to bits. But then, the laser kept moving forward throughout the dungeon.

**BOOM**

**BOOM**

**BOOM**

Holes were continuously blasted through the dungeon walls, thus making a shortcut. Jinso instantly got up on two feet and dusted off his hands proudly.

"Why'd you do that! That laser basically shouted 'Hey, look, I'm over here!' to every monster in this dungeon!" Issun yelled at him. Jinso turned to the Poncle with a suddenly serious face, making Issun worry.

"I hate water dungeons. Now let's move quickly so we can get out of here!" Needing no other instructions the group began moving at a fast pace through the shortcut Jinso had made. As they made their way to the deepest part of the dungeon, the group had to dodge and bat away shamisens, drums, axes, swords, flutes, and even undead fish!

"Wow, what a warm welcome!" Naruto remarked sarcastically with a roll of his eyes as he smacked away yet ANOTHER undead fish.

"No shit." Jinso said before perking his head up quickly.

"EVERYONE, JUMP!" Hearing his warning shout and seeing his action, Amaterasu and Naruto did the same, narrowly avoiding multiple sets of bamboo spikes as they floated/moved through the water.

'_Damn in-game water physics..._' Jinso ranted in his head.

"Thanks for the warning, Nii-san!"

"You're welcome! Keep moving!" The four quickly raced to beat the clock through all the holes. At one point, they were stuck in a giant room with an almost as massive hole in the ground. As soon as they entered, the door behind them and the door on the other side of the room locked shut.

"What the fuck? Why are the doors locked?" Naruto questioned, looking around the room cautiously. Suddenly, the ground began to tremor as clear tentacles rose from the ground, with one of them having an eyeball in it.

'_Resource material from Twilight Princess!_' Jinso commented in his mind. The tentacles immediately began to attack the nearest person, who just so happened to be the only female of the group.

'_Great, it's not only resource material from Twilight Princess, but it's also oil to pour on the flaming imaginations of hentai writers! Just what I need; a bunch of sick pervs writing smut about __my__ Okami-chan! Wait...__my__ Okami-chan?_'Jinso said in his mind. A female scream broke him out of his thoughts. One of the clear tentacles was wrapped around Amaterasu, and for some reason...it was shaped like a penis!

**Real World**

The oh so lovable and batshit insane author was returning to his desk with a pack of pocky and some Pepsi-cola (Not one of the new plastic cap bottles, mind you, but one of the old-school pop cap bottles) when he heard the '_clack-clack_' sound of a keyboard being used. Entering his own room, Jinso Kitsune-kun saw a random stranger typing part of his story.

"Hey! Who the fuck are you?" The author yelled. The unknown perv, seeing he had been caught, leapt out the window and fell to his death like a noob.

"Well, that's just great! Now not only do I have to fix this mess that sick pervert made, but now I'm gonna get interrogated by the cops for a dead fucking body!" Jinso Kitsune-kun slumped down into his comfy desk chair with a sigh, putting his pocky and soda on the side of his desk. With a crack of his knuckles, Jinso Kitsune-kun began fixing the story mess.

"Ah well, one hurdle at a motherfucking time." He mumbled, fixing the error as he spoke.

**DOEG-verse**

Suddenly, everything froze as the resource material-*cough* tentacle monster's scene was replaced and the four were put outside the room. However, no one knew that, so the group just entered. Immediately, Naruto started sweating furiously at the sight that lay before him.

(**A/N: Muahahaha! I'm like a kid in a candy store right now! So many aggravating setbacks to place, and so little time to type them all!**)

Everywhere the blonde looked, he saw that _dreaded_ sight... Every gamer hated this kind of puzzle in water levels; in fact, it caused many of the lesser gamers to quit altogether... It was the bane of every gamer's existence...

...A WATER PHYSICS PUZZLE...

"**FUUUUUUUUU-**"

**Real World**

"That's right, blondie! You don't question the author!" The lovably insane author cackled, projecting his voice into the story at the same time. Giving a happy sigh, Jinso Kitsune-kun relaxed in his comfy desk chair and opened his Pepsi.

"It's good to be the author..."

**DOEG-verse**

"**-UUUUUUUUCK!**" Naruto screamed. Suddenly, the author's voice echoed throughout the room.

"_That's right, blondie! You don't question the author!_" It said. Jinso himself blanched at the voice's response.

"Naruto..." He asked in a low voice.

"Did you _really_ question the _author_?"

"Yeah...So?" Jinso facepalmed as beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.

"You don't understand, Naruto! I'm the author's in-story persona, and I only have 10% of his real power! He can make you let yourself fall on a spike and die comically with a few pushes of a button! He could force me to brutally murder you without any remorse and I'd _HAVE_ to do it!" Naruto and the others blanched at the thought.

"The author is the strongest being in existence when it comes to this story! He _literally_ can do anything he wants to this story and it'd be OK! Questioning him can easily get you killed off in the blink of an eye!" The choconette exclaimed hysterically. Suddenly, another person literally materialized next to Jinso before their very eyes.

"He's right, you know." The person said with a sadistic grin. They looked almost exactly like Jinso, but with a couple of differences. The other person had streaks of blood red and black in his chocolate-colored hair, his pupils were red slits instead of black dots, and his eyes had _gold_ sclera instead of white ones. Two black and red fox ears stood on top of his head, and ten black and red fox tails stood out behind him. A sharp fang poked out from his curving lip.

"Who are y—" Naruto was cut off by Jinso grabbing him and putting a hand over his mouth.

"Naruto...that man is _the author_. When you speak to him, choose your words wisely, or you WILL die." Jinso Kitsune-kun looked at Naruto in a bored way.

"Listen, kid. I may have pissed you off with the water physics level you got right here, but you haven't seen even the _bare_ _minimum_ of what I can do." The author told him.

"I work hard to make sure everything fits the way it does in this story, and I am already dealing with a lot of shit outside of here. It's not gonna do anyone ANY good if you question the reality in this story. Now, I'm gonna let you off with a warning because the story's not even CLOSE to being done. But remember this, a), I don't enter the story unless I feel it is needed, and b), ANYONE who questions this reality is going to be eviscerated by their own hands while their eyeballs slowly melt themselves out of their sockets and their nuts/breasts swell up and implode. Got it?" Naruto nodded fearfully under the gaze of the author.

"Good. Now then, if you make it through this dungeon without questioning it or me either out loud or in your head, I'll give you a special reward. OK?" Seeing the blonde's nods, Jinso Kitsune-kun finally let out a smile.

"Thanks. I'm sorry for having to threaten you, but I've just been extremely pissed off lately. Keep what I said in mind!" With that, the author returned to the real world and continued typing this story.

Wait...

If he went into the story, then how could he have still typed the part where he went in if he was inside the story and not the real world, even though it was still typed when he wasn't doing it, yet he's typing this right now and—

*gets riddled with bullet holes*

ACK! *falls to the ground dead*

*new narrator comes in*

Sorry about that folks, but the older narrator started questioning the reality of this story, and you know what happens then! By the way, getting shot at least twenty times was the author's version of mercy for that guy. Continuing on, though!

A creepy chuckle echoed throughout the room.

"_I'm just shitting you guys! The puzzle is just an illusion! But you still might wanna look for secrets! *cough*!*cough*_" Everyone sweatdropped at the author's bad cover-up for the secret. Jinso immediately went to the far right wall and touched the stone. He could feel heat coming from a concentrated source.

"Rasu-chan, would you mind Cherry Bombing the wall right here?" Amaterasu gave a nod and quickly made a Cherry Bomb appear. The wall exploded, revealing a dark hallway.

"Shall we?" The group moved fast through the dark hall, searching for a source of light.

And it just so happened that they came upon a door with a LOT of light coming from behind it. Jinso kicked the door in and they all ran inside.

The ENTIRE room was covered in gold. Gold statues, gold coins, gold weapons, and even golden FOOD!

"Damn..." Jinso said appreciatively. He then narrowed his eyes.

"Something's not right here...Why would there be a random room filled with gold in a WATER DUNGEON at the BOTTOM OF A LAKE?" He mumbled. Suddenly, the door locked itself behind them, causing Jinso to worry. Glancing upwards, he saw Naruto reach for a shinier than usual treasure chest. The choconette's eyes widened in horror.

"NARUTO, DON'T!" But he was too late as a sickly green hand with an eye in its palm burst from the treasure chest as Naruto jumped away. Seven other treasure chests did the same as they surrounded the group.

"Shit..."

"I remember these things! They're called Mimics! We found some on a sunken ship during our initial adventure!" Issun told them.

"Great, so how do we _kill_ them?" Naruto asked with a roll of his eyes. Hearing a whirring sound, Naruto looked to see Jinso with his cheeks puffed out.

"Um...Nii-san?"

"I'MMA FIRIN' MAH LAZOR!" Jinso shouted, his eyes turning huge as his mouth elongated.

"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" A blue laser fired itself from Jinso's mouth, obliterating three Mimics.

(**A/N: And you guys thought I was done with the lasers! Hell fucking no! That shit is still alive!**)

"**DR. OCTAGONAPUS NO JUTSU!**" Everyone hit the deck as Jinso suddenly sprouted mechanical tentacles, stood up on them, and began to spin whilst firing a blue laser from his mouth. The red ring of dea—er...I mean the _blue beam of doom_ annihilated the remaining mimics. Once all that was done, the mechanical tentacles drew back into Jinso's...back, and he dropped right beside Naruto.

"Uh..."

"Don't ask." Suddenly, eight regular treasure chests appeared in place of the Mimics, and the door unlocked.

"Hm...I guess this was a challenge room. Oh well, to victor goes the spoils of war." Jinso shrugged as he walked to each of the chests and collected what was inside. And what was inside caused him to frown.

'_It's...jewelry?_' Shrugging once more, Jinso put away the jewelry and turned to his team.

"Let's go. It's nothing but duds." He lied.

"I'm not even gonna ask a single question this time. Better to just go with the flow sometimes than to fight against the current." Naruto muttered sagely.

"Damn right it is. Now let's keep moving."

**40 minutes later**

Finally reaching a narrow hallway that led to a massive door, the group stopped to relax.

"Well, guys I think we're almost done. We've only got about half an hour of air left, give or take a few minutes." Jinso told them.

"At least we can kick the ass of the guy who made this happen in the first place." Naruto commented. Jinso nodded to him.

"Something powerful lies beyond that door, most likely the source of the disturbances. You guys ready?" Jinso asked, turning to the group.

"Always, Nii-san!" Naruto replied.

"I am if you are!" Amaterasu said happily.

"Eh, why not?" Issun told him with a shrug.

"Alright, then. We don't know what we're going to face, so stay on guard. We've only got 30 minutes left of air, so we have to make it count! Now let's go!" With everyone pumping their fists in the air, Jinso blew the massive door open and they all walked in. The room had two platforms set in the middle, with spotlights in the ceiling and bleachers behind each platform.

"_**So...Someone has finally come to challenge me...That is most excellent...**_" A hissing voice echoed throughout the room.

"Show yourself!" Jinso ordered.

"_**Ah, such courage...The feel of your power is so enticing...Like a feast that can only be eaten by a king...Very well...Look and see who you have spoken to...**_" From the shadows, a figure stepped forward. His skin was a pale red, and two horns stood from his cranium. The person wore a leather jacket and a pair of denim jeans. The ends of the jeans stopped just above a pair of black hooves. Dark shades hid the man's eyes from the group.

"_**Welcome to my lair...My name is Lucifer, but you can just call me the Devil of Rock...**_"

"Rock?" Naruto asked confusedly.

"_**I see that you are here to stop the disturbances of time and space...If that is so, then you must prove your worth through battle...**_" Naruto smirked.

"Bring it on, dipshit! I'm not afraid of you!" The blonde said, drawing his tanto.

"_**Ah, but I did not mean a battle of might...No, what I seek is a battle of music!**_" Lucifer replied. To show what he meant, the Devil of Rock made an electric guitar appear in a burst of hellfire. The guitar was mostly colored black, with maroon skulls etched into its surface. The head of the guitar was an ivory skull with glowing red eyes. Jinso smirked in response.

"_**Now, then...Who wishes to do battle with me?**_" Jinso stepped forward, the smirk never leaving his face.

"I'll fight you." The choconette announced. Naruto looked at him bewilderedly.

"I'm the only one of us who knows how to do this, so just suck it up! You can kick some ass on a mission, alright?" Jinso replied to the blonde. He then turned back to Lucifer with a smirk.

"_**Ah, the one with boundless courage...You are bold, but bravery can only get you so far in life...**_" Lucifer told him. Jinso was still smirking as he made his way up to his own platform across from Lucifer. The god held his hand out, and an electric guitar appeared in his own hands. The body of the guitar was color black, with golden flames licking about on it. The neck with colored white with gold outlines and strings. The head of the guitar was white with Jinso's name engraved in gold on it. Both entities strapped on their guitars and the platforms lifted up. The others were all seated in the bleachers. Jinso's side had only the other three of his group sitting there, while Lucifer's were filled with undead skeletons cheering him on.

"_**Do you truly think you can beat the Devil of Rock?**_" Lucifer asked Jinso. The choconette's smirk grew bigger in response.

"You may be the Devil of Rock, but I am its God. Now bring it!" Jinso told him.

"_**Alright then...I'll start this show!**_" Lucifer took out a guitar pick and played a loud chord on his guitar. The skeletons all cheered at their master's ability. Lucifer grinned to Jinso and gestured for him to start.

The choconette strummed one single note, causing the skellies to laugh and point at him. But then...

Jinso strummed the same note and then played another...and another...and another, until he was doing the most 'in-your-face' guitar playing that even Lucifer had ever seen.

(**A/N: Lou's finisher in the final battle of Guitar Hero 3.**)

Jinso continually riffed through entire sets of notes, rocking out like never before. He finished with one last chord, leaving everyone in awe as he smirked at Lucifer.

"Your turn, _Lucy_." He said. (Anybody get that reference?)

The Devil of Rock growled and the two began their rock battle.

**BGM ACTIVATED: GUITAR HERO 3: LEGENDS OF ROCK- THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA (ROCK VERSION)**

(**A/N: Now, it seemed like a good idea to cut off here, but I doubt you guys would want a cliffy before the epic battle between the God and Devil of Rock, so this is my special treat for making such a sucky first edition of Chapter 3! I don't care what anyone says, THIS makes up for it! You're welcome!**)

The two rockers began to loudly twang the strings of their guitars as the room filled with the intense and epic music.

"You know, if you'd just save yourself the time and stop the disturbances, I'd be more than willing to let you live, Lucifer." Jinso told his hellish rock 'n roll counterpart.

"_**Ha! Like I'd stop until my afterlife had its share of a challenge from you! Keep trying and we will see what may happen!**_" Lucifer shouted in reply.

"Then show me what you got!" That was when the lyrics started playing as Lucifer sang.

**The devil went down to Georgia; he was looking for a soul to steal.**

**He was in a bind 'cos he was way behind and he was willin' to make a deal.**

**When he came across this young man sawin' on the fiddle and playin' it hot.**

**And the devil jumped upon a hickory stump and said: "Boy let me tell you what:"**

The two guitarists went into a purely instrumental riff as they practically sawed through their guitar strings with fingers of lightning. It amazed everyone who watched to see how quickly their hands moved on the guitars without slipping up.

"**I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too."** Lucifer looked Jinso right in the eye as he sang while their strums echoed throughout the dungeon.

"**And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you."**

"**Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the devil his due: I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you."** Then Jinso began to sing.

**The boy said "My name's Johnny, and it might be a sin, but I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best there's ever been!"** Then Lucifer joined in with Jinso as their strums and riffs grew louder.

**Johnny you rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard.**

'**Cos hells broke loose in Georgia and the devil deals it hard.**

**And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold.**

**But if you lose, the devil gets your soul!**

Both of them once more went purely instrumental until the next verse came up, where Lucifer sang.

**The devil opened up his case and he said: "I'll start this show."**

**And fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow.** To add to the effect, Lucifer's own fingers lit on fire as he continued playing.

**And he pulled the bow across his strings and it made an evil hiss.**

**Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this.**

Once more, Jinso and Lucifer entered an instrumental period in which they rocked the entire area with their powerful strumming. Amps were set up so as to increase the sound for all to hear.

"It's amazing...How can they even keep it up for so long without sweating in the very least?" Amaterasu asked in awe of what was before her.

"Despite having lived with Nii-san for a couple of years, I actually don't know all that much about him. He never told me anything about 'rock music' or how apparently EPIC it is!" Naruto exclaimed, cheering Jinso on.

'_Even the boy who calls him his brother knows little about him...Now I'm even more interested..._' Amaterasu thought to herself, feeling more attracted to the choconette than before. It had at first felt like a simple crush, but then she saw the greatest characteristics about him and fell in love. The thing with gods and love is that if one were to love a mortal, they could never be with them, for a god would live forever, while a human would eventually die.

That was why most gods and goddesses kept their feelings of love and attraction bottled up. It caused many bad situations, which the humans perceived as their so-called 'natural disasters'. All these tornadoes and hurricanes and blizzards were merely the gods venting the anguish of their eternal lives. And even though she was a goddess, she was still a woman; and one of the things that attracts a woman to a man is her desire to know more about them.

(**A/N: I may be a man myself, but I live with three women, two of which have been on their periods multiple times, while the other is just starting hers. Trust me when I say that I know this stuff.**)

Suddenly, Amaterasu's head jerked from Lucifer to Jinso as the God of Rock and Roll began to sing.

**When the devil finished, Johnny said: "Well you're pretty good ol' son."**

"**But if you'll sit down in that chair, right there, and let me show you how it's done!"**

**Fire on the mount, run boys, run!**

**The devil's in the house of the risin' sun!**

**Chicken in the bread pin, pickin' out dough.**

"**Granny does your dog bite?"**

"**No, child no."**

The two once more went into an instrumental, but this time, they both pushed all of their power into their in an attempt to overcome one another. White and red auras surged around both rockers, pushing each other back and forth in a struggle of willpower. The density of their individual powers started shaking the building while they _still_ continued playing flawlessly!

"You realize I'm gonna beat you, right?" Jinso asked while their auras still fought.

"_**Oh, really? Might I ask how you know the outcome of this battle?**_" Lucifer questioned in response. Jinso smirked with a mischievous glint in his blue-green-grey eyes.

"Haven't you ever heard the end of this song?" And that was all Lucifer got in response. But finally, after several minutes, Jinso's white aura overpowered Lucifer's, and the Devil of Rock 'n Roll lowered his head as Jinso sang to finish it all off.

**The devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.**

**He laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Johnny's feet.**

**Johnny said: "Devil just come on back if you ever want to try again."** To rub Lucifer's nose in it even more, Jinso gave him the one-finger salute as he continued playing EVERY FUCKING NOTE correctly with ONE HAND.

(**A/N: Just a side note, but that is true for me as well. I can play a guitar VERY WELL with JUST ONE HAND. I'm not lying, just ask any member of my family!**)

"**I told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best there's ever been!"**

**And he played fire on the mount, run boys, run!**

**The devil's in the house of the risin' sun!**

**Chicken in the bread pin pickin' out dough.**

"**Granny does your dog bite?"**

"**No, child, no."**

Jinso finished off the entire song with the last few riffs and then began replaying Lou's finisher from Guitar Hero 3. With the last few notes he blasted Lucifer away with a chord on his guitar and a wave of energy, breaking the body of the Devil of Rock 'n Roll and ending the musical battle.

**BGM DEACTIVATED**

"And that's how you get shit done!" Jinso announced. The three people in his group cheered while the skeletons all dissipated now that they were not controlled by Lucifer.

"Alright, seeing as we finished with just about 3 minutes left of air, I say we get back on land and go home, eh, Naruto?" Jinso asked.

"Hell yeah! Finally, I can get a bowl of ramen or twenty!" The blonde replied. Jinso smirked, and with a snap of his fingers, they were all back on land, and another snap made Megumi appear in Naruto's arms. Once the light settled and Jinso shattered the air bubble, the two from Konoha and the two from Nippon stared at each other.

"Well, I guess this is it...We'll be going now, you two...I hope we can meet up again some time." Jinso said with both he and Naruto waving goodbye. A quick snap of the choconette's fingers opened an ellipse that was similar to the one they arrived there through.

"See ya..." Just as the two were about to step through the portal, a shout stopped them.

"Wait!" The duo turned around to see Amaterasu coming up to them.

"I...I wish to go with you..." She said meekly.

"W-What!" Issun cried out, hopping through the snow to reach her.

"But Ammy, you have to tend to your duties up in the Celestial Plain!" the Poncle tried his best to get her to stay.

"I'm sorry, Issun, but I won't be coming back to the Celestial Plain this time. Make sure to tell Gekigami to lighten up and that Yomigami is the only one allowed to choose my successor, alright?" Amaterasu asked. Issun sighed before asking one final time.

"Are you _sure_ I can't do anything to make you stay?" He questioned. A quick shake of Amaterasu's head from side to side gave the wandering artist his answer.

"Alright then...Good luck with your new life, furball. Even though I really want you to stay, it's up to you to forge your own path through life..." The little Poncle smiled up at his companion for one last time.

"Just do me one favor, Ammy."

"Anything, Issun."

"Promise me that you'll give those villagers hell, OK?"

"Got it, Issun. See you some other time!" With that, the three walked back through the portal and to Konoha, leaving Issun alone in the snow.

"Well, I can't dwell on the past, but with how Yomigami and the rest of the brush gods will react, I'm not sure I want to meet the future either...Heh heh..." Issun joked sadly as he went back to Ponc'tan to talk with his grandfather.

**Back in Konoha, Academy Roof**

Another ellipse opened up as three figures tumbled out of it, gathering a cloud of dust around them. The sudden influx of power alerted the ANBU and Hokage to the scene very quickly. What they saw was very..._interesting_.

Naruto was laying chin-first in the dirt, with his butt sticking up in the air, while Amaterasu had fallen on top of Jinso, and the two were now in a very awkward position. Both had a blush on their face and were staring right into each others' eyes.

'_Her eyes are like pools of gold..._' Jinso thought to himself.

'_His eyes...They constantly change their color and they never stay the same for too long...It's as though he captured the entire ocean inside of them..._' Amaterasu thought as she and Jinso continued staring at each other, while blushing of course.

"Ohayo, Jiji! What's new?" That sentence was somehow able to break the two out of their stupor and made them take a look at the situation. The Hokage, several ANBU, and even Naruto were staring at the two of them. This of course made both of their faces look like giant tomatoes.

"Not really much is new, Naruto-kun. Though I have had to fend off the council and keep them from discovering that you somehow went through a kind of portal, among _other matters_." The aged Hokage replied with a smirk at seeing Jinso's predicament.

"Jiji, you don't know the half of it." Naruto suddenly deadpanned, putting Hiruzen and even some of the ANBU on edge. Naruto's surrogate grandfather turned to Jinso for an explanation now that the choconette and the white-haired woman had gotten to their feet.

"I'd rather not prefer to go into it in public, Hokage-san. May we please talk in your office?" Jinso asked the elderly man. Hiruzen nodded, and the four of them went to said office. The moment Hiruzen sat down at his desk, Jinso told him the entire story, from the time they both went through the portal to when they got back.

Hiruzen let out a long, appreciative whistle.

"That is quite the story Jinso-sama. However, I will no doubt have to tell the Council of what happened since the chakra and energy output from that portal most likely caused them to panic and also knocked out their power, so they will bitch to me as usual." The Sandaime said, rolling his eyes at the last part. Jinso seemed to be contemplating something as he observed the old Hokage. What was once a proud shinobi who could not be pushed down was now a tired old man that wanted nothing more than to spend a single night with his family.

"Hiruzen...I'm going to make a deal with you." Jinso said with such sudden seriousness. (Try saying that five times fast!)

"And what would that deal be, Jinso-sama?"

"Now hold on a second, Hiruzen. I have a few questions before I offer you my deal."

"Ask away."

"Alright. First question: If you were thirty years younger, in your prime, what would you be doing about the civilian council?"

"That seems a bit off for a question, but I'll answer it. I would be yelling at them to pull their heads out of their own asses and learn their place. "

"OK. Second question: Have you had any seizures within the past year or so?" That caught Hiruzen off guard.

"I don't know why you would ask that, but no I have not."

"Alright. Last question: If you could have any one thing..._in the entire world_...be it money, women, fame, etc., what would it be?" Hiruzen sighed deeply as thought about his answer.

"I would have...one single night just to spend with my family instead of doing this paperwork and listening to the civilians whine." The Sandaime finally answered with conviction in his voice. Seeing Jinso with a smirk on his face, the Kami no Shinobi wondered if he was about to be pranked.

"You have spoken a wise answer, Hiruzen. For that, I wish to offer you something..."

"What do you wish to offer?"

"Those three questions that I asked you...You told me that if you were back in your prime, you would have whooped the asses of the civilian council and told them to go shove it...The seizure question was more for medical reasons...But the third question was a test...You said that if you could have any one thing in the whole world, it would simply be a night to spend with your family and show them that you care about them...That was the answer I was looking for."

"What do you mean?" The old Sarutobi asked with a raised eyebrow. Jinso stood up and walked over behind the desk.

"It's time for the Kami no Shinobi to make his return." The choconette said as he stuck his middle and index fingers together on the middle of Hiruzen's forehead. Slowly but surely, the aged gray hair turned brown and vibrant. His liver spots and wrinkles vanished as if they had never existed. Old, exhausted muscles suddenly pulsed back to life with great vigor. The hunched back of an elderly man was replaced with the tall and proud spine of a warrior. His dim and tired eyes suddenly burned with the Will of Fire. Even his worn vocal cords were changed.

"What...what did you do to me?" Hiruzen asked, touching his own face.

"I turned back the hands of time for your body and quite literally put you back in your prime. You are now only 40 years old." Jinso stated proudly. The newly revitalized Hiruzen grabbed a small mirror and checked himself. There wasn't even a single DOT of dark skin underneath his eyes.

"It's true...I...I am actually younger! I'm back in my prime!" The once elderly Sarutobi cheered with much happiness in his voice.

"Remember that this is a gift that must be taken seriously. I foresee great danger in Konoha's future if my gift is taken lightly. You must reign in that damned mockery of a council or else things will end badly for all, Hiruzen Sarutobi. Also, do not reveal your newfound youth to the council because a), I REALLY don't want people showing up on my doorstep every five minutes, asking for me to make them young due to the gossiping morons on that council, and b), they will try to reign me under their control with that CRA bullshit that I do not need if they manage to find out that I can control time." Jinso warned him with a serious tone.

"I promise you that I will not take it lightly, Jinso-sama. It's time for me to explain to the council just WHY this is a military dictatorship." Hiruzen said with an evil smirk.

"Well, that's great and all, but I need some sleep. Just send an ANBU if you need me." Jinso replied, waving him off as he left with Amaterasu, but not Naruto. The blonde had tried to leave, but Hiruzen stopped him.

"Naruto-kun, I need to call your teammates and sensei here so that they know you're alright. Do you mind waiting here until they arrive?"

"That'll be fine, Jiji. Plus, I really want to see Hinata-hime after getting sent to another universe." Hiruzen grinned at Naruto's pet name for Hinata.

"Oh, so she's Hinata-_hime_, now is she?" The Sarutobi asked.

"Urusai, Ero-jiji!" Naruto shouted in embarrassment. But then he stopped and pointed to his surrogate grandfather.

"Um...shouldn't you be henged to look like you're still old so no one learns about what happened?" The blonde asked. In all his excitement, Hiruzen had forgotten to henge himself.

"Oh, of course! My mistake!" So then, Hiruzen told his ANBU to get Team 7 and bring them here, but not to tell them _why_. The two spent the next few minutes playing cards until the secretary told Hiruzen that Team 7 was waiting. Naruto quickly packed away the cards and stood happily as his team entered.

"Hokage-sama, what did you call us here fo—NARUTO!" The usually reserved cycloptic jonin let out a shout of surprise at the blonde's presence.

"Who else, Scarecrow-sensei?" Naruto replied, with Megumi yipping alongside him. Of course, the happiness of the moment was disturbed by...

"KAWAII!" Hinata shouted as she dove for the fox kit that was inside of Naruto's jacket. The bluenette snuggled her head against Megumi, but more importantly, her...*cough*...ample bosom was rubbing up against 'Naruto Jr.' Naruto blushed at the situation while Sasuke and Hiruzen both had to stifle a laugh. Kakashi merely continued reading his book, but only said one thing.

"I'm impressed Naruto; not even an hour after you return and you're already making me so proud." The cycloptic jonin said, wiping a fake tear from his visible eye. Hinata and Naruto both froze at that statement before the former fainted while STILL on top of the latter. And if the situation couldn't get any worse, an ANBU appeared in the room to deliver Hiruzen a message.

"The Council is requesting a meeting, Hokage-sama. They wish for you, Naruto-kun and his Nii-san to be there, as well as some woman with white hair that those two were seen with." The Neko masked ANBU whispered.

"Thank you, Neko. I'll get Naruto there." With a single nod, Neko left in a shunshin to go tell Jinso the same exact thing. Hiruzen bent down to Naruto's level and managed to lift Hinata off of him.

"Naruto-kun, I need you to come with me to a council meeting, alright?" Naruto nodded and quickly left with the now young Hokage while Sasuke and Kakashi took Hinata back to her clan compound.

**Naruto and Jinso's Apartment**

"What is it?" Jinso irritatedly asked the Neko-masked ANBU who had been knocking on his door. The choconette was currently wearing a white wife-beater with loose-fit jeans and sneakers. A gold pendant that was shaped like a clock hung around his neck. His spiky, dark chocolate-colored hair had a couple of silver streaks on the tips. Beyond the door, Neko could see a woman with snow white hair sitting on a black leather couch beside another woman who had silver hair.

The white-haired woman was wearing a sky blue top with silver trim and skin-tight leather pants. She also had high-heel shinobi sandals and wore silver bracers with gold finishing on her wrists.

The silver haired woman wore NOTHING BUT skin-tight black leather, complete with pitch-black stiletto heels that had silver trimmings and two midnight blue teardrop earrings. Needless to say, even the female Neko-masked ANBU felt a bit attracted. No homo.

(**A/N: If you could not tell, the one with the blue top is Amaterasu, and the one in skin-tight leather is KAMI. I thought I'd add a bit of a twist to what she is normally depicted as. Seems the queen of purity is not as innocent as we all thought...Muahahaha!**)

"You are requested in the council chambers for a meeting, and you are to bring that white-haired woman along with you." Neko responded. Jinso closed his eyes and muttered something about "dipshit old farts who should be in the morgue by now" and "giving someone a _very_ slow enema with a rusty spork that's lit on fire and has serrated edges". Neko didn't want to hear anymore, so she turned to leave, but not before giving one last piece of advice just before Jinso closed his door.

"Ne, Shokora-san (Chocolate-san)?"

"Yeah? What do you need?" Jinso replied.

"If Naruto-san needs any help with pranking most of the Civilian Council, I'd be willing to oblige." Jinso smiled and nodded.

"I'll be sure to let him know. Sayonara, Yugao-san." With that, Jinso closed his door. Ammy made sure to hide her ears and tails so the Civilians wouldn't flip like monkeys and immediately call her a demon. She had changed her top and leather pants into a loose-fit kimono that showed quite a bit of cleavage, but not too much. The kimono had a slit on the right side, allowing for a bit of seductive quality. A golden wolf's head was clipped to her hair, making Amaterasu look very qualitative, creating a 'you can look, but only my lover can touch' situation.

"Are you all set, Rasu-chan?" Jinso asked, extending his hand for her to grasp.

"I don't know, are you, Jin-koi?" Amaterasu replied huskily in his ear. The seductive tone of her voice sent shivers down the god's spine that he hadn't felt since...

When _was_ the last time he felt that same feeling?

It had been so long since Jinso had ever felt that exact same feeling of comfort that he did with Amaterasu. It made him feel happy and welcome.

Pushing those thoughts aside for now, Jinso and Amaterasu set off for the Council Meeting Hall. Jinso held Amaterasu close to him, as many perverts started ogling the literal goddess that was by his side. A quick glare and a blast of KI made them go away instantly. As they arrived at the doors to the meeting hall, Jinso took out a sealing scroll and kicked the doors off of their hinges, sending them flying randomly. And it just so happened that the two doors were embedded in the wall right above the heads of the Civilian Council. When most of them directed a puny amount of KI at the choconette, he shrugged with an insane grin and simply replied,

"I guess I missed. Better work on my aim, then." Jinso unsealed a small couch, fit for three, as he spoke. Naruto, who had arrived with Hiruzen, ran over to the couch and sat down next to Amaterasu. Jinso and Amaterasu both sat down and kicked back, with Jinso snaking his right arm around Amaterasu's waist. (If you were facing the councils, Jinso would be on the left, Amaterasu would be in the middle, and Naruto would be on the right, and vice-versa.) He then unsealed a glass filled with wine and took a grateful sip before talking.

(**A/N: Another quirk of mine, right there! I am a bit of a wine connoisseur myself, so I can't help but write this in. I don't get drunk on wine, but I like to taste a bit of each kind I come across.**)

"So why has the _Almighty Council of Konoha_ told me and my little brother to be here _this_ time? I'm just _dying_ to know why the hell I can't get a minute of relaxation after crossing multiple dimensions in a single day." Jinso sarcastically asked.

"You are _here_ because we wish to know about that strange ellipse that allows a person to teleport betweens places at will." Said Shita Headaru, the head of the Civilian Marketing Affairs. (If you didn't notice, his name is a pun on 'shithead'.) Jinso lazily turned his head to the Hokage.

"Hiruzen-san, I thought this was a ninja-only matter. If it is, shouldn't only the Shinobi Council be here, as there are no _civilian concerns_ being presented?" The choconette asked.

"Unfortunately, that ellipse knocked out most of the civilians' power, so they have to be here." The Hokage replied with a sigh.

"Fuck...If it's that much trouble, why not just build a generator that powers the village, and have guards posted that switch every half an hour so that if the power goes out, a quick Raiton jutsu will get everything going again? It would make everyone's lives a lot easier."

"Hm...I hadn't thought of that. Thank you, J-san."

"No problem. I honestly wouldn't prefer to be here myself, as traveling through the barriers of time and space can easily get you tired."

"The barriers of time and space?" This question was asked by the ever-stoic Hyuuga Hiashi.

"Dimension hopping, warping, universal teleportation, call it what you want. It's essentially going to a different dimension or universe by usage of a special power or item and only I can perform it." Jinso replied. This got the civilians interested, and one of the more greedy men spoke out.

"We should—"

"Fuck no! I'm NOT doing that CRA bullshit! Don't need it; don't want it! I may sound like a lunatic to all males present, but I love only ONE woman, and I'm not willing to break her heart because of perverse desires of the flesh so that some village-leader wannabes can try to control the lives of me and my future family!" Jinso cut him off, glaring daggers into the man's skull as he spoke. He then turned to the Hokage.

"Sorry, Hiruzen-san, but I'm not doing that bullshit, and nobody can fucking make me."

"Show the Hokage some respect, you delinquent!" One fat blob of a civilian merchant yelled, shaking his pudgy fist all the while. Jinso took another drink from his glass of wine, which was now nearly empty.

"First of all, my way of showing respect to someone is acknowledging them by their name. Your way of showing respect is using honorifics, which you didn't do, so shut the fuck up! I respect the Hokage, so I call him Hiruzen-san. You, on the other hand, I would only refer to as a moronic blob of wasted money, a blob because you are somehow larger than most Akimichi Clan members, no offense, by the way, Choza-san," Jinso looked to see Choza nod happily for the confirmation he needed about none taking offense. Taking the last sip of his glass, Jinso continued.

"And you tend to act quite moronic; shouting at others without asking their attention, calling someone a title which you have no evidence to show for its existence upon their person, etc., and a waste of money because you are only a simple merchant, with, from what I have seen, a mere market stall and three fruit and vegetable carts—which I can't imagine _how_ exactly it would land you a spot on this council—and yet money is constantly spent on getting you and others that are like you products for sale at your cart when they could just as easily be grown in your own backyard and would cost far less.

And second, you presume me to be a delinquent because I do not show the village leader the same kind of respect as everyone else, and yet, I have no criminal record nor do you have ANY evidence of me committing any crimes or public injustices, not that I have done so. As it stands, you are no more than a kindergartener who just had his favorite toy taken away in the eyes of the shinobi world. That includes **me**." Jinso finished, his voice taking a dark undertone. The choconette unsealed a bottle of 1787 Chateau Lafite and poured more into his wine glass before corking the bottle and setting it down by his feet.

"Now then, if someone with a sense of _manners_ would speak to me, I will gladly explain what happened." Jinso told, holding his glass of imported and VERY expensive wine in a casual manner. (Seriously, ONE bottle of 1787 Chateau Lafite costs about $200,000 if my memory serves correct)

"Alright then...my pup's been worried about the gaki, so could you please explain the entirety of the situation?" Tsume Inuzuka asked.

"Very well then..." Jinso said, beginning his tale. By the time he had finished 2 hours later, half of the choconette's imported and, once again, VERY EXPENSIVE wine had been depleted, and nearly every person in the room was staring at him wide-eyed. Of course, Jinso had left out a few parts, such as the entirety of the water dungeon and how they got there, his encounter with Ryugouteki, the fact that Megumi was there, who Amaterasu was, and the part where he knocked Lucifer's ass back to last week in a rock battle. Aburame Shibi was the first to recollect his thoughts as he fidgeted with his glasses.

"Your story seems to true, but you appear to have left out something." The leader of The Logic Jukeboxes said in reply.(3)

"And what would that be, Shibi-san?" Seeing the fact that Jinso apparently respected him took the Aburame clan head by surprise for a bit. Jinso took this moment to refill his cup with wine and sip it slightly.

"You still have not explained who the woman beside you is." Shibi replied, gesturing to Amaterasu, who had currently been snuggling into her lover's side. Many of the women on the Shinobi Council had an "Awwwww!" moment. On the Civilian Council's side, however...

Well, let's just say that there was enough ogling to make Jiraiya uncomfortable.

"Yes, who is that woman?" Yet another blob of a civilian asked with lust in his eyes. Jinso's eyes turned into their dangerous yet entrancing mix of blood red and amber as he let out a feral growl towards the civilians.

"**She is the only women that I have loved in a LONG, **_**LONG**_** time WHO HAS LOVED ME IN RETURN, so if you keep undressing her with your sick, perverted eyes, the Eunuches of Konoha Club WILL BE GAINING A LOT MORE MEMBERS TODAY!**" The choconette growled with a throaty voice, protecting Amaterasu like a male canine would his mate. Most of them were afraid to offend this monster given flesh, but one was too stupid to resist. Fear is the bane of all man's psyche, and the only way to let it go...is to be foolish enough to ignore it.

"How dare you speak to us that way! We are the Council of Konoha! We choose what separates a man from the beasts below him in this hidden village!" A foolish councilman shouted indignantly. Despite his attempts to rile his fellow councilors, it did not work. Jinso had finished sipping the last of his glass and held it to the side. The choconette narrowed his ethereal eyes, which were still a mix of blood red and amber, and spoke in a haunting tone.

"What is the difference between a man and the beast he has killed if both acted the same?" Jinso questioned sagely.

"The _difference_ is that man will always be better!"

"Any man, no matter who he is or what he has done, is better than even the mightiest dragon?"

"Yes I do! Even if a dragon is noble, it is still a mindless beast that should bow before the strongest race: humans! We are smarter, we are greater in numbers, and therefore we are better!"

"You say that humans are better. How do you know that for certain?" Jinso asked him.

"I know it because _I_ can understand the natural order of things! I am above you!"

"You _understand_ so very little...In this world of shinobi, those with power are above the rest. The Hokage is the strongest ninja in the village, and he has rule over everyone in it. _That_ is what you do not understand. You do not _know_ how things work in the shinobi world because you are but a civilian who chose to stay away from the path of duty and sacrifice." Jinso said.

"Does it matter? I am above you, simple as that!"

"You know nothing of where you stand in this world...One who _knows_ nothing can _understand_ nothing...(4a)And if one can understand nothing, then he is of no use alive as he is dead. You proclaim that man is superior than beast, but have you considered what a man could be?"

"Why should I? Man is far greater than any beast in existence! Do _you_ know what a man is, or are you blinded by your love for that monster you live with?" The idiot replied with a sneer.

"The boy I live with is not a monster. He is a far greater human than you could ever dream of being."

"That _boy_ is a monster! There are cults that worship _him_ and wish to pay _him_ tribute! _He_ steals the souls of men and makes them _his_ slaves!"

"Perhaps the same could be said of all religions...Naruto is a savior compared to the likes of you." Jinso told him, drinking the last drops of wine in his glass.

"If _he_ is a savior, then we are all doomed! We do not need a savior such as _him_! It should be a man, not a _monster_!" Jinso sneered at the fool.

"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!"(4b) Jinso threw his glass to the side after the first sentence, letting it shatter on the ground. The god stood up, eyes still narrowed towards the councilor.

"By what you have said, you are essentially indicating that the Inuzuka are not human, but rather wild dogs who slobber and drool; that the Nara are the same as the deer that live amongst their clan's property; that all Aburame are the same as but one of the bugs that inhabits their bodies! You are essentially making claims that every shinobi who lives in this village is nothing but a wild animal, and all the civilians are mankind!" The Clan Heads, along with Sarutobi, Jinso, Naruto, and Amaterasu all glared openly at the foolish councilor who had spoken.

"And what if I am?" The moron said bravely. Every single ninja drew whatever weapons were on their persons.

"Then universal law would see fit to proclaim that the beast shall ALWAYS be mightier than the man!" Tsume snarled out. Jinso grinned at that thought.

"I completely agree, Tsume-san. If beasts are mightier, we should give man a reason to FEAR THEM!" As he spoke the last two words, Jinso got on all fours and let out a mighty and vicious howl. All the skin on his body began to turn into thick brown fur. His mouth elongated into a snout that was filled with razor sharp fangs. His eyes remained their ethereal mix while a tail grew out from his backside. Two brown wolf ears perked up on his transformed head. Jinso's hands and feet were turned in sharp claws. Gold markings shone from all over Jinso's body, most of them looking like fire. He had turned into a wolf.

"_**Do you fear me **__**now**__**, Councilor?**_" Jinso asked in a growling voice as he began walking towards the councilor. Once he got to their area, Jinso hopped up and landed right in front of the foolish man.

"_**You said that man is mightier than any beast...Yet I can smell your fear...It envelops you...like a cloak of false hope that's covered in holes...And it smells delicious...Like a feast for all who wish to partake...**_" Jinso said with an evil grin, revealing his ivory fangs. The Councils watched as Jinso circled the frightened man, like a wolf that has cornered its prey. How ironic.

"Y-You don't s-sc-scare me!"

"_**Oh, really? Then what is this foul liquid I see dripping down the side of your pants? What is that clear substance rolling down your forehead as I speak? The stammer in your voice? If I do not scare you, then why do you not take action? Maybe you are paralyzed, like the rabbit who has stared into the eyes of a snake...Perhaps you have come to realize that your pitiful existence may soon be extinguished like the dying flame of a candle...And perhaps you have come to realize that I might be the hand which snuffs the dying fire that is your life...**_" The amount of 'Alpha Male' pheromones Jinso was releasing was making Amaterasu shudder in delight.

'_If the situation wasn't so dire, I would take him home and have him fuck me into oblivion..._'

"_**I can see your past...I can see your future...I know all that you have done and will do...You cannot escape the one who is searching for you...Many have tried to escape Death's hand...and all of them have failed...You don't know when he will be coming for you...but he will...And your pitiful time in this mortal plane will come to an end...But just know that when Death arrives...I will be there to deliver you unto him...**_"

"F-F-Fucking demon! Y-You and y-your d-de-demon brother sh-should return to h-hell where y-y-you belong!" The Councilor spat as best he could, not realizing he had signed his own death certificate in pen.

"_**I see how it is now...I assure you...I am not a demon...nor is my little brother who has been sitting with me the entire time...But you have just broken a high-class law that is punishable by death...How fitting that you who have told me to go to hell shall be arriving there yourself...**_" Jinso turned to the Hokage.

"_**Hiruzen-san...may I do the honors?**_" The wolf/god asked him.

"By all means." Hiruzen replied, waving his hands in a 'go ahead' motion.

"H-Hokage-sama!" The foolish Councilor tried to appeal to the Village Leader.

"_**In a shinobi village, the leader's word is law...He said you have the death penalty...I am merely the being who will enforce the spoken law...Now, before I send your wretched soul to the plains of Hell...might I ask your name?**_"

"F-F-Fuck you!"

"His name is Jansu Usaita." Hiruzen replied.

"_**Well, then...Jansu Usaita...I told you that I would deliver unto Death your mortal soul...Your life is like the clock of a tower...It continues the same path until it finally stops in the twilight of your existence with a fearsome ring from its bell...And Death is the one who lets it chime upon your last minutes...**_" Fear grew present in the once brave councilor's eyes.

"N-No! P-Pl-Please!" Usaita stared at his approaching killer, fear in his cowardly eyes as the shadow of Death loomed behind Jinso.

"_**For whom does the bell toll? It tolls for THEE!**_"(4c) On the last word, Jinso stopped circling the man and bit the sides of his head, but not deep enough to kill him. A shriek of agony was let out as Jinso ripped the man's head and spine out of his body. Most of the civilians revealed what their lunches were at the sight of this. Blood sprayed like a fountain from the hole that was once the head of Jansu Usaita. His dead body collapsed on the ground while his still screaming head was in between Jinso's jaws. The wolf/god tossed the head beside its body and reared his snout back. Moving it forward, he let out a breath of fire that quickly consumed the body, also removing the stench and blood.

Jinso quickly went back to Amaterasu and Naruto, and transformed back into a human. All his fur was gone, along with his tails and ears. However, the white wife beater Jinso had been wearing was torn to pieces, so he decided to go shirtless for the rest of the meeting, showcasing his athletic and toned body. After quickly cleaning the blood from his mouth, the meeting continued. Jinso snapped his fingers, and the glass that he had thrown on the ground reformed itself and floated into his waiting hand.

Once more, he got wide-eyed stares and gawks from the two separate councils. Letting out a sigh, Jinso spoke as he poured himself more wine.

"I'm assuming you are all wondering just how I made the wine glass reform by itself. That's another power of mine."

"You can reform broken objects at will?" A person on the Shinobi Council asked. Jinso finished pouring his wine and set the bottle on the ground.

"Not necessarily. The entirety of the power is metaphysical and incorporeal manipulation."

"Incorporeal? You mean things like ghosts and spirits?" Tsume asked.

"Correct. I can essentially manipulate any form of matter I choose, but I prefer use it for inanimate objects. Trying to fix a broken wagon is much harder if the horse is still pulling it, you know. The incorporeal part I use more for helping the dead find peace." Jinso continued.

"Would you mind giving us an example?" Hiruzen asked.

"I'm sorry, but I would prefer not to show off all the skills in my arsenal. I am a shinobi, you know. Deception is my greatest ally." Jinso replied after taking yet another sip of his wine.

"I understand, J-san."

"That reminds me...since your arrival to Konoha and until now, you have not told us your name. Instead, the Hokage merely calls you 'J-san'. Why is that?" Hyuuga Hiashi asked.

"I prefer not to give my name to those who I do not want to say it. In the ninja world, information is your lover and deception is your best friend. You should know that, being a shinobi yourself." Jinso told him. The Hyuuga Clan Head nodded in understanding. Jinso chugged his wine before speaking once more.

"Well, if there is no other subject that needs to be discussed, I will be on my way home." With an appreciative nod from the Hokage, Jinso his couch, glass, and wine bottle, and left for home with Amaterasu and Naruto.

At least, he intended to...

But, of course, there were some of the generic flamer civilians that some authors on Fanfiction bash the living hell out of and make them call for Naruto's head on a silver platter coincidentally standing just about 2 yards from Naruto's home, which was enough that two people could go inside before they stopped anyone else, pissed off that they had no power for their homes and no working lights with which to see.

"Look! It's the demon! Let's get it while the Hokage doesn't know!" A random piece of cannon fodder shouted while pointing. The group suddenly drew pitchforks and torches out of what seemed to be their asses while Jinso sighed.

"Naruto, do you mind taking Amaterasu inside for a second? I've got to take out the garbage for the sanitation units." Naruto nodded and went inside, holding Amaterasu's hand like a child would hold his mother's when crossing the street. Jinso gave a stern look to the mob.

"Look, can you morons lay the fuck off for just _one_ day? I just hopped through the fucking barriers of two different dimensions in one day, and it causes more jet lag than you'll ever feel in all of your lives combined! So leave me alone and go be dicks to some other person!" The choconette shouted with a pulsing vein on his forehead. The mob went quiet for a second. They seemed WAY to quiet to be a generic angry mob filled with idiots...

"Let's kill the demon lover instead!"

_There_ we go! Jinso let a growl escape his throat.

"You dumbasses just don't learn, do you?" He asked rhetorically. Drawing his golden katana, Jinso pressed a button on the hilt, causing the steel blade to turn into a beam of pure energy.

(**A/N: THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS! JINSO HAS A FUCKING LIGHTSABER, AND HE'S NOT AFRAID TO USE IT! Well, actually, he has two, BUT THOSE MORONS AREN'T WORTH HIM USING IT!**)

The foolish cannon fodder raced towards Jinso, intent on hurting him.

Bitch, please!

The blade of pure energy that was Jinso's sword sliced and diced them like the knife of a stereotypical sushi chef through the fish he cuts. One fool raced towards him, but Jinso merely punted the man into the hospital. In a matter of seconds, only one of the civilians left from the mob was standing before him. Jinso held his lightsaber back lazily, letting it glow brightly before charging the civilian. The energy blade pierced the man's stomach and went out his back as Jinso whispered in his ear.

"Time for you to sleep..." Grasping the handle of his energy blade, Jinso threw the man in the air, jumped up right beside him, kicked him higher, and then slammed him down, making a crater in the earth. Right then, Jinso's lightsaber pierced the hole exactly the same as before. Said choconette landed in a crouch on the handle of his lightsaber, pushing the now dead moron further into the dirt.(5)

Six feet under, indeed.

Jinso somersaulted off of the handle and pulled it back, swinging the lightsaber in a circle before changing the energy stream back to a gold blade. With a flourish, the golden katana was back in its scabbard.

"Another day, another group of morons dead..." Jinso muttered as he walked inside.

**Omake- After the Credits are Done**

"Aaaaaand cut!" The clip...thing snapped in front of the camera, cutting it off.

"Alright, good work everybody! That's it for today!" Jinso Kitsune-kun said as he walked on the set.

"Thank god! I thought I'd melt in this hakama if we didn't finish soon!" Naruto said with an exasperated sigh while tugging the collar of his hakama.

"You guys all did great on this one, especially you, Naruto, Jinso, and Amaterasu! Nice touch with the use of Henry's insta-kill move from No More Heroes, might I add!" The author complimented.

"It comes naturally." Jinso said with a shrug.

"Alright, guys! I need you all to be here again tomorrow so we can work on the next chapter!" Jinso Kitsune-kun announced.

"Hey, when are Minato-kun and I gonna be in-ttebane?" Kushina asked with a whine. Jinso held up a clipboard and began scrolling through the pages.

"Let's see...Ah, there we go! Minato and Kushina, you two are both going to be appearing multiple times in the next chapter, most of them flashbacks, though."

"Aww! Wait, you said _most_ of them! Does that mean we get to appear in person in the next chapter?" Minato questioned.

"Sorry, but you'll just have to look over your script and see for yourselves!" Jinso Kitsune-kun told them with a maniacal cackle.

"Hey, wait a minute...there's still a red dot on the camera screen!" One of the extras pointed out.

"WHAT!" Jinso Kitsune-kun suddenly yelled. He ran over to the camera and looked at it closely.

"Shit! Turn the camera off now!" The author said to a random person.

"But I don't know how! I'm just the guy that holds the boom mic!" Jinso Kitsune-kun facepalmed.

"Minato, if you would kindly help me out..." The Yondaime then grabbed the camera and shoved a Rasengan right into the lens, destroying the lens entirely, but also cutting the feed.

**END OMAKE**

**Damn that was a long chapter!**

**(1): If you have not played Okami, Issun's motto is "Leap before you think!"**

**(2): I based Amaterasu's outfit on a drawing I saw of a female Dovahkiin.**

**(3): This was a nickname I once thought up for the Aburame. They all use logic so often that it's like they are jukeboxes that only spout logical statements. Hence, 'The Logic Jukeboxes'!**

**(4): I've been waiting to use these quotes for a LONG time! ;D**

**(5): This is Henry's insta-kill move from the REAL final battle of No More Heroes. You can only fight him if you have all of the beam katanas.**

**14,233 words! Sweet Kami, that's a lot!**

**Well, this has been another chapter of DOEG, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and see ya soon!**

**Ja Ne!**


	5. The Beginning of Team 7!

**Hello, everyone! This is Jinso Kitsune-kun, saying "Welcome to Chapter 5!"**

**Now then, I just want to say something important...**

**A good meal is only made with the best ingredients. Take this story for example; it's like breakfast. You can have a good meal and all, but sometimes, it just needs a little ****LEMON****!**

**LEMONY GOODNESS TIME!**

**Well, I originally had a lemon in here, but I unfortunately had to remove it thanks to the douchebag owners of Fanfiction so as not to be banned or have my story removed. Jerks...**

**Also, let's play a game. Each time I make a bad pun, a bad joke, or put too much emphasis on a good pun, take a shot of beer. I'll place a number in between two asterisks after each, and then we'll count it all up at the end!**

**ON WITH THE CHAPTER!**

"Human talking/small summon talking"

"_Whispering_"

'_Thinking_'

'**Demon talking/boss summon talking**'

"_Telepathic communication_"

"_**Author speaking**_"

Disciple of the Elder God Chapter 5- The Beginning of Team 7!

Sunlight came in through the windows of Jinso's room, accompanied by the sound of birds chirping.

'_Man, it feels GOOD not to have to do all that damned paperwork up in heaven! Good thing I thought of splicing Kami's DNA and my own DNA before we left; I don't what I'd have done if someone up there found out that Kami and I were missing!_' The choconette was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of moaning next to him. Turning his head, the god saw Amaterasu somehow fondling herself in her sleep. The sight of this nearly caused Jinso's eyes to pop out of his skull.

'_HOLY SHIT! I must be the luckiest man in heaven if I'm allowed to see this!_'

"Mmm...Jin-koi...that feels so good..." Amaterasu mumbled in her sleep.

"_She must be having a wet dream about me..._"Jinso said to himself. A mischievous grin crept onto his face. He then activated barrier and silencing seals that were put all around the room.

"_Then I'll make that dream a reality..._"

**Timeskip**

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" He asked the white-haired beauty, removing the sound and barrier seals that were located around the room. Amaterasu tapped her chin in thought.

"I think another round of sex would prove it." She replied with a lewd grin.

"Not until that limp goes away." Jinso then picked his lover up bridal style and carried her to the shower to clean up, but, to Amaterasu's displeasure, no sex. Jinso's reply to that was,

"I still want you to be able to walk, you know." Once they were done, Jinso carried Amaterasu back into their shared room bridal style, kissing the entire time. A towel was wrapped around Amaterasu's body, covering her, as Jinso would say, 'luscious breasts and sweet honey pot', and Jinso had wrapped a towel around his waist. At that moment, the door opened.

"Hey, Nii-san, you awake ye—_HOLY SHIT!_" ***1*** Naruto's eyes bugged out at the sight of his surrogate brother and Amaterasu kissing each other while only wearing a towel each. Jinso broke the kiss with wide eyes.

"Naruto!? What the hell are you doing in my room!?"Jinso shouted at his adopted little brother.

"I-I-I..." Naruto stammered as his eyes snapped back and forth between the two of them. The blonde then slapped himself to snap out of his stupor.

"I was just trying to see if you were awake!"

"Well, you should've knocked!"

"Gomen nasai! Gomen nasai!" Naruto yelled, covering his eyes as he shut the door and ran out. Jinso let out a sigh.

"Well, I suppose we should get dressed so that Naruto can get to his team meeting..." He told his lover. Amaterasu mock pouted in a cute fashion that made Jinso want to kiss her and never stop.

"I know...I want to stay here too, but I have to get to work, and we both have a meeting with the Hokage..." Amaterasu gave him a peck on the lips and asked,

"Where do you work?"

"They placed me in the T&I Department. I can be one sadistic motherfucker sometimes." Smiling at his lover, he then kissed her on the lips once more.

"Well, when we have children, you certainly will be a _motherfucker_."***2* **Amaterasu replied with both of them chuckling.

"Now let's get dressed and have some breakfast."

**30 Minutes Later**

The sound of a door opening caught Naruto's attention as Jinso and Amaterasu emerged from their shared bedroom. Jinso was wearing ANBU-style pants and shirt, with metal bracers on his forearms, his hitai-ate wrapped around his neck like a choker, and his golden katana in an ornate sheath on his back. The sheath was colored crimson, with the golden engraving of a Chinese dragon floating across its length.

Amaterasu wore one of her rosaries, specifically the Tundra Beads, as a necklace, ready for her to use at any time via an invisible ink seal that would glow when activated or deactivated, courtesy of Jinso. The reflector known as Solar Flare was hanging from her skin-tight leather pants on a chain, with the same seal that was on her rosary on it as well. Finally, her fifth-tier glaive, Thunder Edge, was hanging on her back by usage of a different seal that kept it there. Along with the leather pants, she wore a sleeveless purple top that flaunted what she had, much like a certain purple-haired snake mistress.

**Dango Stand**

"Why do I have the sudden urge to run across town and hug someone?"

**Jinso and Naruto's Apartment**

"Hey, Nii-san." Naruto greeted lazily.

"Hey, Naruto. Sorry about the little altercation we had earlier."

"It's no big problem. As you didn't beat me up like I let that stupid pink banshee at the Academy do to keep up my mask. Even _Sasuke_ hates her!" Naruto replied. Amaterasu raised an eyebrow and mouthed '_Pink haired banshee?_' to Jinso.

'_Sasuke's unwanted fangirl._' Jinso mouthed back, making Amaterasu shudder. Even she, the sun god, had had her own experiences with fanboys AND fangirls. Who knew that there were so many lesbians in _Nippon_ of all places!?

"Yeah, that's definitely true. Though it is common courtesy to knock on someone's door before you enter. Looks like we'll have to work on that as well. All thoughts aside, would you like some breakfast?"

"I'm fine, Nii-san. I already ate." Jinso raised a questioning eyebrow before he looked at the garbage can. There were five empty cups of instant ramen among all the other trash.

"Ramen for breakfast..._Really_?" Jinso asked. Naruto shrugged.

"It's an addiction that I will never give up! Personally, I blame society." The blonde replied. Amaterasu let out a small giggle.

"That reminds me, Nii-san. Do you know where Kami-onee-chan went?"

"She got a job working at a food stand. She didn't tell me what it was called, but she said that if you ever went there, just call her Kannouteki (Sexy)." Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"She wants me to call her 'sexy'?" He asked.

"Kami told me she'd prefer it if you added '-chan' on the end." Naruto sighed.

"Alright, then." Jinso grinned.

"Well, I think you had better go find your team. Last I remember, Kakashi told me to tell you to report to Training Ground 7 at 7:00 in the morning." Naruto spared a glance at the clock.

"FUCK! IT'S 9:30!" The blonde shouted.

"Relax, Naruto. Kakashi's always late by three hours. You'll be fine. Now go meet with your team." Naruto nodded and right before he was gone, Jinso said,

"And, Naruto?"

"Yeah, Nii-san?"

"Remember what I said about war. If there is no trust in a general's army, the men will decimate themselves before the enemy can!"

"Got it, Nii-san! Bye!" Jinso and Amaterasu waved to the blonde as he sped towards Training Ground 7.

"I guess we should have some breakfast and then go see the Hokage." Amaterasu said.

"Me too. Bacon sound good?" Amaterasu's eyes widened and she began to drool.

"BACON!"

**Training Ground Seven, 9:50 AM**

Naruto dropped down from a tree to find his two teammates chatting with each other.

"Ohayo, Sasuke, Hinata-hime!" Hinata immediately glomptackled her favorite blonde in the whole world with a cry of,

"NARUTO-KUN!"

"Hey, dobe." Sasuke said with a smirk.

"Teme." Naruto said with a smirk of equal quality. It was their way showing that they were friends. Only they, Hinata, Jinso, Kakashi, and the Hokage knew what they meant. Everyone else just thought that they were insulting each other. Naruto suddenly started to purr as Hinata rubbed her own cheek against Naruto's whisker marks.

Sasuke stifled a laugh at the blonde's current actions.

"Well, Naruto, you certainly work fast." Kakashi said as he entered the clearing at exactly 10:00, eye-smiling all the way.

"Ero-sensei!" Naruto shouted while pointing at the cyclops before purring once more at the feeling of Hinata's touch.

"If you would kindly pay attention, I'd like to start the test, my young Padawans."

"Hey, this isn't Star Wars!"

"What test?" Sasuke asked, ignoring Naruto's outburst.

"The test you took at the Academy was only to see if you _qualified_ for the position of genin. The real test is combat." Kakashi answered. He then gestured to two silver bells that were tied to his hip.

"The test is simple; if you can manage to get these bells off of me before noon, two of you will pass. However, the person who does not get a bell will be sent back to the Academy." Naruto narrowed his eyes.

"Bullshit." The blonde said angrily.

"What?"

"That's a load of bullshit, Hatake. No one has ever heard of a three-man cell in the history of Konoha, or a two-man cell. There have only been three instances of a one-man team in the past, but never a three-man cell. You're bluffing." Naruto replied.

"How do you know whether I am or not?" Kakashi asked back.

"Because...my Nii-san had me study Konoha's history and politics. I have an eidetic memory, Hatake. You can't fool me." Kakashi grinned in his mind, but looked as if he was frowning on the outside.

"Oh really?" The silver haired jonin asked.

"Besides, even if what you said was true, I'd give the bells to my teammates anyways. The _true_ test is teamwork. As the Yondaime once said, 'Always look underneath the underneath.'" Naruto explained. Now Kakashi was gob smacked.

"How the hell did you figure all that out?"

"My Nii-san practically beat it into me when we trained." Naruto replied.

_Furrashu Bakku no Jutsu: Two Years Ago!_

"_So what are we gonna practice today, Nii-san?" Naruto asked as he entered the area in the Forest of Death where Jinso was waiting._

"_..."_

"_Nii-san?"_

"_...Naruto, do you trust me?" Jinso finally asked after moments of silence._

"_What does that have to do with today's training, Nii-san?"_

"_Please just answer me, Naruto."_

"_Well...of course I trust you! You saved my life and have been helping me a lot, Nii-san!"_

"_Good. I want to explain something to you, Naruto...Come sit over here." Naruto walked over to where Jinso was, and just as he was about to sit down, Jinso tried to slice him in half with his golden katana._

"_N-Nii-san!?" Naruto cried out, jumping back. Jinso sheathed his sword._

"_Do you know why I did that?" The choconette asked._

"_...No..." The blonde replied warily._

"_Today's lesson is about trust, which is why I asked you what I did earlier. Sorry for almost cutting you in half, but it was for an important reason."_

"_Which is?"_

"_You said that you trust me, correct?" Seeing Naruto's nod, he continued._

"_Well, trust is a special thing...It shows that you have belief in someone and that you would be willing to let your guard down around them...It lets them know that you think they are important...But trust can also get you killed if misplaced..."_

"_What do you mean by that?"_

"_Trust is a double-edged sword. If you trust the right person, then it could improve your relations with them. But if you trust the wrong person, then you could end up with a knife in your back when you are asleep. You have to use the utmost judgment when placing trust in someone, or the results could be catastrophic. You must be careful not to place too much trust in someone, unless you know for sure that they would never betray you. You can trust me because I have never tried to harm you on purpose. You can trust Kami for the same reason. But you must always be careful." Jinso turned around to look out at the sky._

"_When you become genin, you're going to be placed on a team with two other people, whom you may or may not like. Nevertheless, you must be able to trust them with your life on a mission. Trust is the foundation on which the skyscraper of Teamwork is built. If you take away the foundation..."_

"_The skyscraper of Teamwork will topple to the ground and shatter completely." Naruto finished. Jinso smiled and nodded._

"_Good. You understand completely. Now why don't we have a little spar? I know you've been dying to show me a new jutsu you thought up."_

_Furrashu Bakku no Jutsu: Kai!_

"You have a brother, Naruto-kun? I thought you had no family?" Hinata asked.

"Well, he's not my actual brother; I just call him that because he's like a big brother to me." Naruto told her.

"More importantly, he tried to cut you in half with a sword?" Kakashi asked.

"That's one way to _slice_ it.***3*** My Onii-san has very..._unusual_ methods of training. He's a frickin' slave driver, too!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Really? The last time I saw him, he acted like a pretty nice guy." Sasuke said to the blonde. Naruto nodded.

"When he's not training or fighting someone, my Nii-san is very calm. But if someone insults his loved ones or he's in battle, you couldn't even make him blush if you put a naked woman right in front of him." Naruto said seriously. Everyone raised both of their eyebrows.

"Wow...Seriously?" Kakashi asked. Naruto nodded.

"The last time someone insulted me in front of my Nii-san, he ripped the guy's head off, bringing the man's spine with it. That was yesterday." The whiskered blonde said with a deathly serious voice and expression. Sasuke paled while Hinata went green in the face.

"I think I heard about that." Kakashi said.

"From what I've heard, the guy was a Civilian Council member who called Naruto a monster and a slobbering beast, stating that all shinobi are essentially beasts and should bow before the civilians, who are essentially mankind, and are 'our betters'." Kakashi said the last two words bitterly.

"At that point, Naruto's brother turned into a wolf of some kind, jumped into the stand, and was circling him like a predator. Then the council member broke a high-class law, and Hokage-sama permitted Naruto's brother to kill him. So Naruto's brother ripped his head off with his mouth, pulling the spine out as well." Their sensei then told them. Naruto nodded.

"My Nii-san said that if the guy was to be killed, he would be the one to do it. Then the guy told me and my brother to go to hell and called us both a particularly _unfavorable_ word, breaking a high class law. Then Hokage-jiji said that my Nii-san would be allowed to kill him, and my brother joked menacingly about how the man who told us to go to hell would be getting there first. Then he bit the sides of the guy's head and ripped it off, pulling his spine out as well." The blonde said.

"Damn..." Sasuke said in awe and a bit of fear.

"Yeah, but my Nii-san's only mean to people he dislikes or hates. He's nice to everyone else." Naruto said reassuringly.

**Hokage's Office**

"So you're telling me that miss..." Hiruzen waved his hand, signaling Amaterasu to tell her name.

"Amaterasu, Hokage-sama." She replied.

"Ms. Amaterasu wishes to become a shinobi? Is that right?" Jinso nodded.

"Neither us of wants the Council to have any hold over our relationship, seeing as she is a civilian right now, because a), we all know what would happen then, and b), I'd have to kill everyone who agrees with any ideas they have for her and then you would have to send shinobi after me while the villagers torment Naruto even more." The choconette replied.

"I can understand why you would be worried, Jinso-sama, Amaterasu-sama. I'll arrange for her to spar with a chunin in a few minutes." The once old Sarutobi told him.

"Actually, Hokage-sama, I'd prefer to fight a jonin instead." Amaterasu said.

"Why is that?"

"I'm very skilled in hand to hand and weapons combat, and I have many techniques that no one else can use, not even Jinso-koi." She explained. Hiruzen looked to Jinso for confirmation.

"I've seen her fight before, and I'm quite certain that she could defeat a jonin in combat." The Hokage nodded.

"All right, then. I'll have Kakashi sent to Training Ground 13. Report there at once." Jinso and Amaterasu smiled.

"Domo arigato, Hiruzen-san. And please call her Ōkami in front of other people." Jinso said before he ran with Amaterasu to the specified Training Ground.

**Training Ground 13, five minutes later**

Jinso resting against a tree with Amaterasu on his lap, her silky white hair draping across his shoulder. Suddenly, both of their ears perked up. In walked the Hokage, Kakashi, Team 7, and a crowd of civilians and shinobi.

"Hey, Nii-san! Nee-chan!" Naruto said as he waved.

"That's your brother?" Sasuke asked. Naruto nodded and pointed at Amaterasu.

"Yeah, and that's his girlfriend..." Sasuke looked towards where Naruto was pointing and gaped.

"What a lucky bastard..." The ravenette mumbled. Jinso looked at Hiruzen.

"Hiruzen-san, I thought only you, Kakashi, and Team 7 were going to be viewing this?" The choconette asked.

"Unfortunately, it seems my secretary blabbed the news to a lot of people, and they all wanna see someone fight Kakashi." The Hokage replied. Jinso shrugged.

"Alright, then. Kakashi's gonna get his ass kicked anyways." The choconette said casually. A couple of people booed at him for that statement. Amaterasu got up off of her lover and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't take too long." Jinso said.

"You're one to talk, Mr. 'I've got a Power Pole in my pants'."***4*** She replied. Jinso grinned at her.

"That's not what you said this morning when I _extended_ it."***5*** Amaterasu blushed furiously before shaking it off, and then made her way to the middle of the Training Ground, standing directly across from Kakashi. She had hidden her limp with a complex henge so that nobody would notice. Just before Hiruzen announced the match, Amaterasu said,

"Kakashi-san, if you want to stand a chance, then I suggest you use that eye of yours right away." The jonin's visible eye widened at that suggestion. Most of the crowd was cheering on Kakashi, but some people, such as the Ichirakus and Iruka, were cheering on Amaterasu because she was Naruto's surrogate older sister next to that silver-haired woman.

"Everybody quiet down! Ōkami-san here wishes to join the shinobi ranks, and so, she will be sparring to find out her placement. This is a spar only, so killing is not allowed. Other than that, you may use any and all techniques at your disposal. Are both fighters ready?" Kakashi grunted an affirmative and Amaterasu nodded.

"Alright then...Hajime!" Amaterasu immediately blurred out of even Kakashi's sight, shocking all but Jinso. The silver haired shinobi was immediately put on edge as he hadn't fought anyone that fast for a while.

A sudden kick to the jonin's face, with high-heeled shinobi sandals, might I add, sent him flying towards a tree. Kakashi gained his bearings and thensent chakra to his feet, rebounding right off of it and into the air. Amaterasu appeared beside him and Chuck Norris'd Kakashi in the stomach.

(For those of you who don't know, 'Chuck Norris-ing' someone is delivering a hard roundhouse kick to any part of their body.)

The cyclops had no time to recover as he loudly crashed into the top of a tree. Amaterasu blurred into vision back on the ground as she made Solar Flare grow to regular size. She tossed the disk and then pulled out an ink pot. Dipping her finger in it, she pointed to the flames coming off of the reflector and moved her finger towards the tree that Kakashi was in. Most of the spectators thought she was insane, but then they soon gaped as a stream of fire traveled from the blazing reflector and lit the trunk on fire, causing the tongues of flame to rapidly climb upwards. Solar Flare made a u-turn and landed right in Amaterasu's hand. Kakashi jumped out of the tree just as the fire consumed the top and it turned into ashes. Hinata, Sasuke, and the Hokage also gaped as Sasuke turned to his best friend/rival.

"How did she do that!? I didn't even see her try to use hand seals!" The ravenette whispered. Naruto smirked.

"If she dips her finger in ink, Nee-chan can link her own chakra to multiple things and control them. She based it off of how an ink brush can connect elements of a whole poem, just like how she can use the elements. Not to mention, she has some techniques where she doesn't even have to connect to an object or element to use!" Naruto whispered back. The silver haired jonin landed back on the ground with one visible wide eye.

"Do you see what I meant, Kakashi-san? Back home, the land was riddled with demons and monsters. I was a renowned monster hunter there, and it would be wise to, as they say, bring out the big guns when fighting me." Amaterasu told him. Kakashi's eye narrowed, and he lifted his headband, revealing a three-tomoe sharingan.

"You do realize that the Sharingan is one of the three great dojutsu of the ninja world?" Kakashi asked. Amaterasu smirked.

"And you do realize that I truly don't care? The Sharingan cannot affect me. Go ahead and try it; I'll give you one free shot." Amaterasu said boldly.

"Is she insane!?" A random shinobi cried out. Kakashi walked up to Amaterasu and they looked each other straight in the eyes. For a second, Amaterasu did nothing.

"Did she get caught in it?" Someone whispered. Kakashi was trying to use a genjutsu that would make her forfeit. Amaterasu began to speak in monotone. Unknown to everyone else, Jinso smirked as he unsealed a cup of wine.

'_This is gonna be good..._'

"Kakashi-san, there is something I wish to say..." She said with a blank face.

"Yes?" By the time he noticed the smirk that crept onto her perfect face, it was too late. A chakra-powered foot made its way to his crotch, causing Kakashi to let out a girly scream of pain as he collapsed to the ground. That look like it hurt even more than what Jiraiya said he felt the time Tsunade caught him peeping on her. Everyone in the crowd flinched with a collective,

"OOOHHH!"

**Yugakure, Hot Springs**

A certain Super Pervert felt a chill creep down his spine.

'_I suddenly feel twelve years of neglect coming back to haunt me._'

**Back to the Fight**

"Nice try, but that doesn't work on me." Amaterasu then bent down so that Kakashi could look at her, giving Jinso a great view of her _divine_ ass. ***6***

"_Hallelujah..._" Jinso said to himself. ***7*** A breeze passed by, conveying the author's own opinion in a way that only Jinso could hear.

"_**I second that...**_" ***8* **Pressing his hitai-ate over his single Sharingan Eye, Amaterasu spoke once more.

"And never underestimate a woman..." She then sauntered over to Jinso and gave him a kiss on the cheek before sitting back down on his lap.

"That's _my_ woman..." Jinso said to her. ***9*** Amaterasu giggled.

"The key term being 'your'." She replied. Even Hiruzen had to take a moment to recover from his shock before announcing,

"Shousha, Ōkami! Please step forward Ōkami-san, and receive your shinobi rank." Amaterasu left the comfort of Jinso's presence and walked over to the Hokage.

"Due to your skills in combat, as well as ninjutsu prowess, I hereby grant you the rank of jonin. Make your village proud!" Hiruzen took out a jonin flak jacket and handed it to Amaterasu.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama. I will take this position with pride and honor!" She said, giving a short bow.

"Also, I am now placing you in the T&I Department, effective immediately. Please report there at once." Amaterasu shouted a cheerful "Hai!" and then sauntered over to her lover once more, where they both left in a shunshin.

**T&I Department**

The two appeared before Ibiki and Anko, somehow managing to start making out while in the shunshin. An unexpected cough caused the two lovers to stop and look forward. Anko had a massive grin on her face, and Ibiki had a small, nearly invisible blush to go with his scowl.

"Yeah, Ibiki-san?" Jinso asked. Ibiki merely gestured to Amaterasu.

"My girlfriend/lover and my new partner. She was just appointed not even a minute ago by the Hokage." Ibiki and Anko both raised an eyebrow.

"How good is she?" Anko asked.

"You heard that girly scream that no doubt even the Tsuchikage could hear in his old age, right?"

"Yeah." Ibiki answered.

"That was her beating Kakashi in a spar with a chakra-powered kick to the balls." Ibiki and Anko's eyes widened before they both started laughing. Ibiki even had to wipe a tear from his eye.

"Oh, man! That was hilarious! I've never heard anyone scream in such a girly way since Jiraiya of the Sannin got his ass kicked by Tsunade-sama!" Ibiki said. Jinso grinned.

"And I got a front-row seat to it happening! Rasu-chan here kicked Kakashi's ass six ways to Sunday without breaking a sweat!" The choconette replied. It took a few minutes for the both of them to calm down before Ibiki gained his stony expression back.

"Alright, now that we've had our fun, let's see her do interrogation. We caught a jonin five minutes ago who was hospitalized for unknown reasons. Apparently, he arrived at the hospital through the window, the only injuries he had being his crushed balls and the glass shards that were stuck in his skin. All he said before passing out was something about blonde hair and 'La Muerte Caoba'. Let's see if she can get it out of him." The scarred jonin said. Jinso nodded to Amaterasu.

"Lead the way." Ibiki led Amaterasu down the hall and towards the interrogation room.

**With Team 7**

"Well, it seems that since you passed my test flawlessly, we can get a jumpstart on missions." Kakashi said after he hobbled back to the Training Ground with his team.

"Ne, cyclops-sensei, are you sure you're alright? My Nee-chan has given multiple guys a sex change by doing that." Naruto asked. Kakashi felt the urge to check inside his pants, as he felt numb in the nuts. ***10***

"I'll be fine. Now why don't we go to the Mission Hall and pick a job out?"

**Interrogation Cell**

The door shut behind Amaterasu as she entered the room. In the middle, a single man was tied to a chair. He had short green hair and grey eyes. Multiple bandages covered parts of his face. He wore standard prisoner clothing and had a ball and chain shackled to his left ankle.

"Oh, look; another interrogater is here to get info from me. What are you gonna do; fuck me until I give you answers, you stupid whore?" The prisoner snarled. Amaterasu gave him an evil grin as she opened a tool box that was colored scarlet.

"Now, now; there's no need to be so coarse, Prisoner-san. If you just tell me what I want to know, then there won't be any pain." She said in a sickly sweet voice.

"Fuck you, bitch! I'm not saying shit!" That only served to make Amaterasu's grin bigger and his fear more potent.

"Good; because I want you to _scream_ for me." ***11*** Amaterasu took out five needles and stuck them in the conjuncture of his elbows, his knees, and the nape of his neck.

"What is that? Some kind of acupuncture? That doesn't even hurt a bit!" Amaterasu then took out several more needles and stuck them in every joint and conjuncture she could find. The man looked more like a hedgehog than a person right then.

"Is that all you can do, you bitch? I'm never gonna tell you anything!" The white-haired beauty then reached into her toolbox and took out a syringe filled with a glowing, lime-green substance.

"This is a special serum made by my boyfriend. It tightens all of your muscles to the point where simply lifting a finger causes immense pain. This is your last chance to back out before I make you cry for your mother." She warned him.

"Bring it on! I bet that shit doesn't even work!" The prisoner spat. Amaterasu smirked as she stuck the needle in his wrist and pumped the fluid inside. The man's body seized up and was immediately stiff.

"Now then, what can you tell me about 'La Muerte Caoba?"

"I ain't tellin' you jack shit!" The prisoner yelled. Amaterasu took one of his fingers and slowly lifted it, causing him to howl in agony.

"You see, even though your muscles are tightened, the true effect of this torture is the backlash caused by your own movements. When in pain, the human body tries to shake it off by moving away from whatever is causing the pain. Since your muscles are tightened, it already hurts to move anything, but when you try to react, the needles will start hitting your bones and joints, making it feel even worse." She told him with a wicked smile. Amaterasu then put a hand to her chin and asked,

"'La Muerte Caoba'...I believe that is Spanish for 'The Mahogany Death'. Who is that?" The prisoner's eyes widened in fear as memories of the horror he faced flooded into his mind.

"N-NO! I-I don't...I c-can't! P-pure e-evil!" He cried out.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" The man screamed at nothing in particular. Amaterasu channeled her own chakra into a pressure point to calm the man's nerves.

"Settle down. We aren't done yet. Before you passed out in the hospital, you said something about blonde hair. What did you mean?" The man's eyes then narrowed.

"That _thing_ with blonde hair and whiskers..." He whispered. Amaterasu searched her own memory for a thing with blonde hair and whiskers, but all she found was Naruto.

"I gathered a mob and tried to finish what the Yondaime had started, but 'La Muerte Caoba'...He stopped me...It was horrible!" The man started flipping out again. Amaterasu grasped his neck and channeled her own chakra into the man, forcing him to answer anything she asked.

"'La Muerte Caoba'...Describe him for me!" Amaterasu yelled. The man's eyes went blank as he answered.

"Brown hair...tanned skin...blood red mixed with amber eyes...and a golden katana that turned into a blade of pure energy..." The prisoner said in monotone. Amaterasu's eyes widened. Jinso was 'La Muerte Caoba'! The prisoner must have been part of the mob that appeared at their house yesterday!

Amaterasu took her hand off of his neck.

"You're gonna being staying here for quite a while, Prisoner-san. Be grateful I didn't kill you on the spot." Amaterasu left the room to tell Ibiki, Anko, and Jinso.

**Timeskip**

"WHAT!?" Jinso, Ibiki, and Anko cried out.

"That guy was still alive after I punted him!? If I wasn't so pissed right now, I'd congratulate him!" Jinso shouted. Ibiki gave Jinso a look.

"Punted!? You sent him flying from one end of the village to the other with a single kick to the crotch that ruined his chances of having a kid!" The scarred jonin said. Jinso shrugged.

"He just seemed like an extra-large football. Hence, I gave him an _extra-large_ punt." ***12*** The choconette replied with folded arms. He then turned to Amaterasu.

"What do you think, ref?" ***13*** Amaterasu was dressed in an official football ref's outfit. She blew the whistle and held her arms above her.

"IT'S GOOD!" ***14*** She announced. Jinso nodded with a grin.

"Touchdown for the home team!" ***15*** He and Amaterasu then high-fived before she pulled a football out of the mythical hammer space and slammed it down on the ground.

"TOUCHDOWN!" ***16*** Even Anko's eyebrow was twitching at their antics.

"Damn, are there some kind of crazy meds you're supposed to take?" The snake mistress asked. Jinso scratched his chin.

"Not that I know of. What about you, Rasu-chan?" They turned to see Amaterasu giggling while being tied up in a straitjacket. ***17***

"HOO-HOO-HOO HA-HA! HOO-HOO-HOO HA-HA!" The white haired woman cackled insanely. ***18***

"Are you insane in the membrane?" Ibiki asked. ***19***

"Nope; only where it counts!" Amaterasu replied, saluting him with her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth. ***20***

"You do realize I'm not a military general, right?"

"Sir, yes, sir!" ***21*** Ibiki sighed while Jinso explained.

"We've taken it upon ourselves to annoy the living hell out of the village when Naruto can't." Ibiki raised an eyebrow.

"So, what; you're the Prankster King and Queen from Hell, and the gaki is the Prankster Prince from Hell?"

"Nah, it's more like he's the Prankster King of the 3rd Circle of Hell, while we're the Prankster King and Queen of the 8th Circle of Hell." ***22*** The scarred jonin just facepalmed.

"Whatever...Just go home, you two. I can feel my sanity slowly disappearing the more you stand there." Ibiki told them.

"Alright then. Just remember, it's more fun not have sanity. It's the same with your _virginity_." Jinso told him. ***22*** Amaterasu suddenly giggled.

"What was that for?" Anko asked. A blush tinted Amaterasu's cheeks, and I mean the ones on her face, and her eyes glazed over a little.

"It's an _inside_ joke!" ***24*** Anko's eyes widened as she realized the joke that was indeed, _inside_. ***25***

"Well, just relax when you get home. I'm sure you've had a very _long_ ***26*** and _rock hard_ ***27*** day." Anko told her with a grin that her fellow kunoichi replicated. Amaterasu nodded.

"Though I don't think I'd feel the same _inside_ ***28*** after such a _long_ ***29*** and _hard_ ***30*** day." The white haired beauty said with another giggle. Ibiki leaned his head near Jinso.

"Is she always this...bubbly?" The Chief Interrogator asked.

"Only since this morning, and I must say, her day _was_ very _long_ ***31*** and _hard_ ***32***. She didn't even realize what it was until it had _crept up_ on her ***33*** and _caught her by surprise_ ***34***." Jinso replied with the same kind of grin as the other two.

"What's the grin for, kid?"

"You know the word 'tanuki', right?"

"Yeah?"

"Take out the 'ta' and you'll see the hard-as-bedrock ***35*** definition at its thickest ***36***." Jinso then left with Amaterasu, who waved at Anko and giggled at Ibiki's realization of their morning actions.

**Alright, so this was all about 7, 250 words! Not bad!**

**So, let's see...**

**If you've been following along the entire chapter, you've taken 36 shots and are...most likely hospitalized and/or dead. Great job on my part!**

**See you guys next time on, Disciple of the Elder God!**

**Ja ne, minna!**

**-Jinso Kitsune-kun**


	6. Road Trip!

**I HAVE FURY! FUS-RO-DAH!**

**Hey everybody, it's Jinso Kitsune-kun!**

**Welcome to Chapter 6 of DOEG, where we finally kick off the Wave Mission!**

**I have made my decisions and will not make any more changes to the harem!**

**Here are the final women for Naruto:**

Anko

Ayame

Fem. Haku

Hinata

Kin

Konan

Kurenai

Mikoto

Rika

Samui

Shizune

Tayuya

Yugito

The two secret women

**That's fifteen total; what a lucky bastard!**

**Without further ado, LET US BE OFF!**

"Lemons are great!" –Speaking

'_I know, they're so tasty!_' –Thinking

"**Not that kind of lemon, you baka!**" –Demon speaking/Boss Summon speaking/

'**He means the written kind.**' –Rika Speaking

"_**The lemons that are all over the Fanfiction website.**_" –Snarling

"You know, the kind that pervs fap to on the Internet." –Low-level Summon Speaking

'_Oh, those lemons!_' –Telepathic Communication

'_**I'm so happy that people write ones of Sasuke-kun and me!**_' –Inner Sakura Speaking

"_**Those people need to see a doctor, a therapist, and a hypnotist at the same time! And you need to be put in a fucking insane asylum!**_" –Author Speaking

DOEG Chapter 6- Road Trip!

"GET BACK HERE, YOU DAMN CAT!"

That was the sound many in Konoha were treated to as Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata, and Uzumaki Naruto chased after the bane of all genin; Tora, the Daimyo's wife's cat.

"SASUKE, IF YOU'D LET ME HELP, I COULD CATCH TORA!" Naruto shouted. Sasuke currently had scratch marks all over his face while Naruto, Hinata, and Kakashi were in perfect condition.

"FUCK THAT! **KATON: GOUKAKYU NO JUTSU!**" A large explosion rocked the Training Grounds as a huge fireball nearly hit Tora.

"JUST LET ME HELP, YOU EMO PRICK!"

"I'M NOT EMO! I'M JUST MISJUDGED!"

"Got her!" Came a feminine voice. Naruto and Sasuke stopped their quarrel in the trees to see Hinata softly stroking Tora's fur. The cat itself was purring under her gentle touch.

"Damn, Hinata-hime! You gotta show me how to do that sometime!" Naruto exclaimed with an appreciative whistle.

"Nice work, team. Let's go turn in our mission." Their lazy and perverted sensei said as he appeared from the trees.

"You didn't even help! You just stood there, reading that shitty porn!" Sasuke yelled at him. Suddenly, everyone started sweating as a dark aura grew over Naruto. Tora balled herself up against Hinata while Naruto's teammates ran away. Kakashi was the only one still there.

"Um...N-Naruto, c-can't we w-work this out?" Kakashi stuttered. Naruto slowly reached for his hip, before pulling out an 'L' shaped object. The object was colored black, decorated with orange and gold flames and a light gold lightningbolt, and had a chrome finish. The blonde pointed it at Kakashi and yelled,

"**DIE!**"

**3 Minutes Later, Hokage's Office**

"Where are Naruto-kun and Kakashi?" Hiruzen asked the only other two members of Team 7. Hinata was still holding Tora in her arms, as they could not give the cat back until everyone was there, for the mission had to be completed with the whole team there.

As if on cue, the door bust open to see Naruto dragging a burnt, electrified, and half-dead Kakashi into the room.

"There they are." Sasuke said, stating the obvious. Naruto dragged Kakashi over and dropped him on the ground.

"Naruto-kun, why is Kakashi half-dead?" Hiruzen questioned. Naruto gave his surrogate grandfather a blank stare and said,

"I hate that book." The Hokage looked down to see a copy of Icha Icha in Kakashi's hands. Hinata then handed Tora back to the Daimyo's wife, who began petting (read: strangling the life out of) her. Sasuke grinned evilly as he made choking motions towards the cat with his hands.

"Ah. Well, good work Team 7. Now then, we have a few more D-Ranks for selection; there's painting civilian fences, walking the Inuzuka dogs..."

"TORA!"

"Catching the Daimyo's wife's cat..." Sasuke's eye began twitching furiously at the thought of having to chase Tora again.

"Um, Hokage-sama, do you think we could possibly get a C-Rank mission?" Everyone, even Kakashi, turned their heads to look at the usually frail Hinata, who blushed under all the stares she was getting.

"She is right, Hokage-jiji. We've completed the minimum number of D-Ranks—which is 25—required to be given a C-Rank mission." Naruto continued. Hiruzen nodded.

"All right, then. Let me see..." Hiruzen looked through a stack of papers until he found something he apparently liked.

"Here we are. Team 8 recently went on an escort mission to the Land of Waves about a week, and encountered the Akuma Kyushofu (Demon Brothers) and Momochi Zabuza. Their sensei requested back-up as soon as they arrived at the client's house. I will be sending you four, along with two other jonin as reinforcements in case things get severe." He was about to press the button on his intercom when a voice said,

"We're already here, Hiruzen-san." Two figures dropped down from the ceiling, revealing themselves to be Jinso and Amaterasu.

"Two questions: One; How did you know that I was going to call for you? And two; how long have you been up there?" The once elderly Hokage asked.

"Let's see...I predicted that, and...ever since we heard Team 7 chasing Tora around the village." Jinso replied, scratching his chin.

"Alright, then. You all have your mission, so you may leave whenever you are ready." The six of them nodded, and gave a shout of,

"Hai!" All of them then left in a shunshin and reappeared outside of the Tower.

"Alright, everyone. Pack a week's worth of supplies and clothing, and meet back here in an hour." Kakashi said. Jinso then added on.

"Actually, just the clothing. I've already sealed up a ton of ration bars, drinks, pills, tools, you name it; I've got it. It should only take you a little bit, so meet back here in 10 minutes. That includes _you_, Kakashi." The choconette told everyone. They each went their separate ways to go pack clothing.

**10 Minutes Later**

They all met up at the southern gates on time, even Kakashi.

"Everyone have all the clothing and personal effects they need?" Amaterasu asked. Getting all affirmatives, Kakashi then said,

"Let's move out!"

And with that, Team 7 and the two jonin exited the massive gates of Konohagakure no Sato.

**2 Minutes Later**

"Ne, Kakashi-san?" Jinso asked.

"Yes?

"Why are we walking to Nami no Kuni? We could just run there, you know."

"We need to conserve our energy in case we come upon foreign shinobi or bandits." Kakashi replied. The choconette stopped and facepalmed.

"Well if that's the case, then you should've told me that from the start!" Jinso then said a bit more loudly then he should've. Everyone stopped and turned to him.

"Something wrong, Nii-san?" Naruto asked.

"Kakashi, you can be so friggin' stupid sometimes! I could've had us there in minutes!" Jinso yelled.

The choconette then turned to the rest of the group.

"Everyone, just hold onto your lunches, 'cuz this is gonna be fast!" He then put his hands together and let out a cry of power as they all disappeared into thin air.

**1 Mile from Tazuna's House, Nami no Kuni**

The six Konoha-nin reappeared in a flash of light.

"We are now in Nami no Kuni. Team 8 is about 1 mile that way." Jinso said, pointing in a random direction. They were surrounded by fog on all sides, and the grass beneath their feet was wet from all the moisture.

"Everyone stick with me so you don't get lost. Now let's go." The others recovered from their stupor and began their trek to Tazuna's house.

**Tazuna's House**

The door opened to reveal a woman who appeared to be in her late 20's to mid 30's. She had raven black hair and eyes of the same color. The woman wore a pink civilian dress with yellow cuffs.

"Who are you?" She asked. Jinso stepped forward.

"We're the reinforcements for Team 8. They sent a request back to Konoha after running into Momochi Zabuza, and we were sent to help." The choconette replied. The woman smiled.

"Come inside. My name is Tsunami, and that is my father, Tazuna." The group walked inside to see Team 8 sitting in the living room while Kurenai was at the kitchen table with an old man. Sasuke blanched. If Team 8 was here, then that meant...

"SASUKE-KUN!" A flying pink banshee leapt at Sasuke, making the ravenette pale in fear. Suddenly, a small, metal object flew in front of Sasuke and made a hexagonal barrier. Sakura crashed into the blue energy field and slumped to the ground unconscious. The object then flew back to its owner.

"You're welcome." Jinso said to the young Uchiha, attaching the Reflector back to his belt. Jinso, Kakashi, and Amaterasu walked over to the table and began conversing, while the genin sat in the living room and talked.

"So what's the situation?" Jinso asked Kurenai.

"The mission was originally set as a C-Rank escort, but along the way, we encountered the Akuma Kyushofu, turning it into a high C to low B-Rank. Kiba-kun and Shino-kun immediately took to the offensive and managed to force them into submission.

Before we could get any information out of them, one of them set off a flash bomb and they escaped. Once we made it to Wave, we encountered Zabuza Momochi. I managed to catch him in a genjutsu while Kiba-kun and Shino-kun took out several water clones that he made. I had to make Sakura guard the client due to the fact that she froze up when we were attacked by the Demon Brothers. I was about to kill Zabuza when an oinin (hunter-nin) showed and did it instead. The oinin thanked us for helping catch him and said that they would take his corpse back to Kiri." She replied. The other three jonin nodded.

"Even though the oinin said Zabuza was not alive anymore, I still have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach." Kurenai then said.

"I thought oinin were supposed to cut off the head and burn the body upon killing a missing-nin?" Amaterasu asked.

"And senbon aren't usually the choice of weapon for killing someone; they're more for medical purposes." Jinso commented.

"It's more than likely that Zabuza isn't actually dead and the hunter-nin merely put him in a state of false death." He continued. The silence was so thick that you could hear a pin drop.

"Zabuza isn't dead!?" Sakura shrieked. Jinso, Naruto, and Kiba all held their ears in pain. Naruto had to keep Megumi inside of his kimono so the fox kit wouldn't go deaf. Megumi was almost too big for Naruto to hold inside of his clothing by now, and she would soon be big enough for the blonde to ride atop.

"No, Zabuza isn't dead. Senbon are not really the kind of tool you would want to kill someone with, as they are usually for putting patients to sleep without drugs or pain. Unfortunately, since a state of false death takes a week to recover, and we got the back-up request just today, he's going to be back to normal by tomorrow." Jinso replied.

"Why would we have had a week to prepare for Zabuza? As you said, he was merely put into a state of false death." Shino questioned.

"The human body does not like being still for too long. If put into a false state of death, it would take someone's body a full week to recover and get every part of them up to speed. They would need to stay in bed for every second of recovery just to be able to function regularly." Kakashi told him.

"So what are we gonna do until then?" Kiba asked. Akamaru yipped from atop to boy's head.

"We're gonna train until we can't move; that's what." Jinso said in a serious tone.

"But, shouldn't we relax for a bit and get ready for tomorrow?" Sakura then questioned.

"As a shinobi, our lives are filled with fraught and peril. When doing a job, you can't let your guard down for one second." Amaterasu told her.

"And why is that?" Naruto answered this time.

"Because one second could be all an enemy needs to kill you." Amaterasu and Kakashi led Team 7 out the back door so they could find a place to train. All the while, Kiba's eyes were focused on Amaterasu's butt. Suddenly, the Inuzuka boy found cold steel touching his neck and family jewels.

"By the way, keep staring at _my girlfriend_ like that, and your eyes won't be the only thing I slice to bits...Get it?" Jinso told Kiba in an emotionless voice, pressing a kunai further into the boy's pants for emphasis. The choconette then took his katana away from Kiba's neck and left to go meet Team 7. As Jinso walked out the door, he could hear Kiba getting whacked by his fangirl of a teammate.

"Kiba-baka! Stop being such a pervert!"

"I'm not the only one! _You_ fantasize about Sasuke whenever you aren't focused on something else!" Jinso shook his head as he caught up to Team 7.

'_How in the seven hells did that girl graduate?_' Shrugging, Jinso pulled out a Shinobi3™ player and stuck the earbuds in. Scrolling through a playlist, he grinned as he selected a song.

'_At least I have my music._' The choconette bobbed his head as the music played.

"Hey, little bro!" Naruto turned his head at Jinso's calling of his name. Unsealing a scroll, he tossed it over to Naruto.

"Continue working on the exercises I wanted you to do. I'll be inside, so if you need me, just yell." Naruto nodded and he walked away. Jinso turned as he neared the door to the house and went inside. Kurenai, Kiba, and Sakura had gone to bridge with Tazuna to guard him, so Tsunami, Shino, and Inari were the only ones inside. Inari was merely sulking on the couch while Tsunami swept the kitchen floor. The members of Team 8 were also sitting in the living room.

"Hello, Tsunami-san." Jinso greeted, taking out his earbuds and putting away his Shinobi3™ player. Tsunami stopped sweeping to wave at him.

"Hello, Shinobi-san. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing pretty well. Nothing's really out of the ordinary. My name is Jinso, by the way. So how are you doing?"

"I'm doing well, Jinso-san. Hopefully my father can build the bridge soon enough and life can go back to normal." Jinso nodded.

"Don't worry about Tazuna-san; we'll protect him until the entire bridge is built down to the very last pebble. Mercenaries aren't really much of a challenge for us, so he'll be fine." Inari seemed to scowl further at that. Tsunami gave a short bow.

"Thank you. That means very much to the people of Wave." Jinso grinned.

"Eh, it's what I do naturally. I'll be heading outside to train, so if you need help with anything, just call for me." Giving a wave to Tsunami, a nod to Shino, and a raised eyebrow to Inari, Jinso opened the door and walked out. As he was walking, Jinso happened to pass by the other three members of Team 8.

"Might I ask where you're going?" Kurenai questioned.

"I'm just gonna train a bit. It's some pretty high-level stuff, so I might be a while." Kurenai nodded while an idea formed in Sakura's head.

'_If I watch that guy's training, I can tell Sasuke-kun how to do it, and then he'll fall in love with me!_'

'_**Cha! Sasuke-kun deserves special training more than Naruto-baka or Naruto-baka's brother!**_' Inner Sakura ranted. The pink-haired fangirl ran after Jinso, causing Kurenai and Kiba to chase after her.

**With Jinso**

Jinso stopped at the waterfront with a massive grin on his face. There were a bunch of trees to his side, and clear, open water to his front. He set his Shinobi3 player on the ground, unplugged the head phones, and attached it to a speaker. Taking out his katana, Jinso then sliced through a group of twenty giant trees, causing the midsections to fly towards him. With a flurry of kicks and punches, the choconette broke the tree parts up into thin wooden stilts that planted themselves in the water. He made 100 rows and columns of 10 stilts each in the water; a perfect square made of 1000 poles. Taking a massive leap, Jinso landed directly on the center pole and took out a kunai. The choconette slashed his palm, causing blood to spurt from his tan hand and into the air. Jinso formed a ram seal and grinned as all of the blood took shape.

**In the Bushes**

Sakura stopped behind a clump of bushes to spy on Jinso.

'_Ehehehee! This is perfect! I'll give Sasuke-kun the techniques and then he'll fall in love with me and choose me to help rebuild his clan!_' (I almost puked for a second while typing that) Blood dripped from Sakura's nose as she giggled.

"There you are!" Sakura turned around and wiped the blood off of her face as Kurenai and Kiba caught up to her.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kurenai scolded.

"I just wanted to give Sasuke-kun some techniques, so I was going to spy on Naruto-baka's brother!" Sakura said happily. Kurenai frowned.

"Sakura, that's not a good thing to do. If Naruto-kun's brother found out that you stole his techniques that he made by himself, he could seek reimbursement and sue your clan." The Genjutsu Mistress said. She nearly blushed when she said 'Naruto-_kun_', but Kurenai held it in.

Yes, truth be told, Kurenai originally had a crush on Jinso, but then she fell in love with the young blonde, as did her best friend Anko.

Her love for Naruto developed inside her about a year ago when Naruto and his brother had stopped the two of them from being gang-raped. They both had gotten a bit tipsy that night, and were thus unable to fight back properly when they got surrounded. As luck would have it, Jinso and Naruto happened to be passing by and slaughtered their would-be rapists.

_Furrashu Bakku no Jutsu: 1 Year Ago!_

_Kurenai and Anko stumbled out of the bar, their cheeks tinted red as they both giggled._

"_You are so hilarious, Anko-chan! *hic*" Kurenai said with another giggle._

"_Yeah, *hic* that was so fun!" Anko replied. The two best friends continued down the street until Anko suddenly pulled Kurenai into an alleyway._

"_Anko-chan, *hic* what are you doing? *giggle*" Kurenai asked. Anko giggled before kissing Kurenai right on the lips._

"_No one's looking, Nai-chan, *hic* so why don't we have a little fun? *hic*" Anko asked right back before kissing Kurenai once more. Kurenai began kissing her back before they were interrupted by the sound of a male voice._

"_Well, look wot we got 'ere; a couple 'o sluts just waitin' fer us!" A group of male chunin and jonin were standing at the entrance to the alleyway, licking their lips in delight._

"_Move along, you idiots! This doesn't concern you! *hic*" Anko said before kissing Kurenai again. The men greedily moved towards them with lust in their eyes. Anko took her lips off of Kurenai's once more and glared._

"_Hey! *hic* I said this doesn't concern yo-AHHH!" Anko and Kurenai were both tackled to the ground by the men who began trying to tear their clothes off._

"_Get off of me!" Kurenai shouted, trying to push the man off._

"_Not until I make you scream my name, you whore!" The guy replied, tearing off the bottom of her dress and heading for the top. Anko was in the same situation, trying to get him off._

"_HELP! HELP ME!" Kurenai screamed as the guy started tearing the material from her chest area._

"_No one's here to help you, slut! Now be a good whore and start pleasing me!" The man started to unzip his pants with an evil grin on his face._

_But he never got there as a white streak cut the would-be rapist's head off. As the body fell down, Kurenai could see Jinso and Naruto standing there, unquenchable fires of rage burning in their eyes. Jinso had both of his beam katanas activated, and Naruto had changed his tanto into a beam katana as well. Naruto's beam katana was colored gold with blue streaks in it, and Jinso merely had one snow-white beam katana, and one darkness-black beam katana._

"_You sicken me; trying to rape two women just to get your rocks off while scarring them forever." Naruto growled._

"_So? What 'er you gunna do 'bout it, kid?" One of the chunin asked. Jinso and Naruto both grinned._

"_Don't blink!" They shouted in unison before blurring. The group of would-be rapists were no match for the two of them as all of the chunin were cut down with ease. Their corrupt blood splattered on the alley walls and ground, but somehow never touched Kurenai and Anko. One last chunin was on the ground, crawling away from the two angels of death before him._

"_W-What are you!?" The chunin cried out. Naruto narrowed his eyes as he stepped forward._

"_Your death." The blonde said coldly. With a swing of his beam katana, the chunin's head rolled on the ground._

_End Flashback_

Kurenai was brought out of her thoughts by Kiba.

"Hey, Kurenai-sensei, are you alright?" Kurenai snapped out of it and turned to the Inuzuka male.

"I'm fine, Kiba-kun." Kurenai turned and gave Sakura a stern look.

"You shouldn't be spying on another shinobi of Konoha, Sakura."

"But Sasuke-kun needs to rebuild the Uchiha Clan!" Kurenai sighed. If a war was to happen in the next few years, Sakura would probably be the first casualty on their side.

"Fine, we'll watch for a few minutes, and then we'll go back inside! But that's it, alright?" Sakura giggled in thought of what would happen once she gave the techniques to Sasuke. Kiba stared at Sakura before shuddering.

'_It's official; Kami is a woman and hates me. That's why a fangirl is on my team._'

**Somewhere Else**

"ACHOO!"

**With Jinso**

**BGM ACTIVATED: Okami OST- Confronting Ushiwaka**

999 clones came into existence by forming from Jinso's blood, each one landing on a pole near him. The original choconette drew an extended katana handle from his sheath. Jinso twirled the handle until it was in front of his face and it immediately shortened. He then placed left hand at the edge and drew a glowing white katana blade of energy from the handle, sharpened to a point. He then held the katana in a reverse grip, the point going to his right with his left hand holding the index and middle fingers up together and the rest of them curled down.

The choconette grinned at the clones that surrounded him. The one nearest to his Shinobi3 player hopped onto the ground and began scrolling through the playlist. When it found a song it wanted, the KB tapped the song and hopped back onto its pole as the music started. The clones all drew their own katanas and each one got into a stance.

**BGM INTERRUPTED**

**NEW BGM ACTIVATED: Linkin Park- New Divide**

The blood clones all stared down their creator with smirks equal to his own. Jinso showed a bit more of his teeth, revealing a sharpened canine. The air was thick with tension and anticipation. Each clone tensed, preparing themselves for any move Jinso could make. Jinso's eyes flashed their ethereal mix, just before he disappeared in a blur, as a single phrase echoed in the air.

"_Don't blink..._" Jinso appeared right behind a single clone as it burst in a shower of gore. The choconette rebounded off of a pole and landed on the one that had belonged to the now dead clone. The 998 remaining clones all charged at their maker, intent on getting some slashes in.

The original jumped into the air, kicking two blood clones in the face at the same time and knocking their heads from their bodies. He touched down on the pole and sliced through five more clones, their blood spilling all over his clothing. He leapt at another one and delivered a shattering heel to its face, ricocheting off of it and doing the same to at least 20 other clones. To Team 8, it seemed as though he vanished and reappeared at will, when in actuality, it was pure speed.

Clone after clone was cut down by the choconette's mysterious blade as gore flew about. The posts that Jinso had made were covered in blood, guts, and organs. The way the blood splattered was reminiscent of ashes falling like snow.

Landing on a blood covered pole, Jinso held the energy blade at his side and shifted his left foot behind him. A number of clones launched themselves at their creator, blades held outwards. Jinso disappeared in a blur and reappeared behind the group of clones, who stopped in midair and then exploded in a shower of blood. The choconette disappeared and then reappeared around the area, cutting down wave after wave of blood clones. When it finally came down to the last clone, Jinso and it were standing on poles directly opposite from each other. Jinso and the clone slipped into their own stances and prepared to fight.

Both clone and creator blurred out of existence and reappeared at various points around the poles, blades clashing together. Sparks lit up inside the mist that covered the area. Jinso and the clone both grit their teeth as they struggled to push one another back.

Finally, Jinso let a grin cross his face. The choconette swept his leg and tripped the clone. Jinso then stabbed it in the chest.

"_Time for you to know __pain__._" Jinso whispered in his clone's ear. He then used the energy blade to gather momentum and toss the clone in the air. Disappearing, he reappeared right next to the clone and kicked it up higher. Jinso then appeared right above it and drop kicked the clone downwards. The blood clone landed horizontally on the center pole, where you could hear its spine breaking. Jinso's energy katana then fell down vertically and pierced the clone through the stomach.

Jinso then came down from the sky with fierce blast of his chakra. It was so massive that it could be felt all across Nami no Kuni.

**BGM INTERRUPTED**

**Gato's Base**

A single solitary person who was lying in bed immediately shot up as a shiver ran down their spine. A feeling of excitement and the notion that the past was catching up moved through their body. A masked person who looked to be about 12 years old came into the room.

"Zabuza-sama, you shouldn't be moving too much. Your body stills needs to re—" The person was interrupted when they both felt a huge burst of chakra.

"Did you feel that, Haku?" Zabuza asked. Haku took off her mask, revealing a beautiful girl behind it.

"I did, Zabuza-sama. It felt like Jinso-sama's chakra. Maybe Naruto-sama is here with him." She replied.

"Do you think that they're here in Wave?"

"I don't know for sure, Zabuza-sama. I will check to see if they are when I go to find herbs tonight." Haku told him.

**Back with Jinso**

**BGM REACTIVATED**

The choconette landed on his sword's pommel and pushed it further into the clone, which had still miraculously survived. He then hopped onto another pole as the clone weakly got up with shaking legs.

**BGM END**

"Damn, how much blood did I make you with? You're much sturdier than the other clones." Jinso remarked.

"I think I was made with about 2 pints of your blood, whereas most of other clones were only made with 1 fluid ounce instead." The clone replied. Jinso nodded.

"That's the thing with Chi Bunshin no Jutsu; if someone creates a massive amount of blood clones, many of them are made to be sturdier than the rest in case the user has any deficiencies in their hemoglobin count, with one being made the sturdiest. Also, every Bunshin technique has a bit of a glitch with it in which if the user summons a massive amount of any type of clone, one or more of the clones will be summoned every time they use the technique. We're known as familiars, I believe. I'm yours for the pure fact that I have a different mentality/personality than the others. The Chi Bunshin no Jutsu only allows for one familiar, though." It continued.

"Oh. So if I were to just summon one blood clone each time I used the technique, it would be you?"

"Exactly."

"Also, since blood clones turn into blood upon dispelling, does that mean that I can use their blood to form new ones?" The blood clone gained a shocked expression on its face before regaining its composure.

"Damn...No one ever thought of that before! That would've solved the problem of so many people dying in war from losing too much blood to this technique!" It remarked.

"So, before I 'kill' you," Jinso put quotes around the word 'kill'.

"Ya mind having something to let me know that it's you, in case I summon you again?" The clone scratched its chin in thought. Then, it grinned before taking out a kunai in its right hand. The clone turned the kunai's point towards its left hand and scratched something into the top before showing it to Jinso.

"The Triforce?" Jinso asked rhetorically before shrugging.

"Alright, then."

"Next time you see me, call me Senshi (Warrior)." Jinso grinned as he swung his blade with two hands and blew Senshi's head right off of his shoulders. The headless corpse of his blood clone exploded in a shower of crimson liquid that coated Jinso's body. Sheathing his now metal sword, the choconette shook his head to get the blood out of his hair.

"Well, shit. That's gonna take a while to wash out of my clothing." Jinso remarked bluntly. Taking a moment to look at the ocean in front of him, Jinso grinned.

"Eh, might as well take a bath in that case." The choconette tore off his black tee and dove headfirst into the water.

**Timeskip: 4 Hours (A.K.A: Dinnertime!)**

Team 7 finished their training for the day, tired and hungry as a pack of feral wolves. They trudged past the waterfront, which Jinso had cleared of the poles and blood.

"Hey, I wonder where Nii-san is." Naruto remarked. Suddenly, a brown blur sped past them on the water's surface, splashing the four with seawater. Naruto turned around to yell at it, only to see that it was Jinso. The choconette in question was speeding along the water on a surfboard made of ice. His two hands controlled the water's motions so that he glided along with ease.

Jinso propelled himself off of the water and landed in front of the group.

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear, little bro!" Jinso joked. The choconette had lost his black t-shirt and only had a pair of blood-caked jeans and sneakers on.

"Uh...Where'd the blood come from?" Sasuke questioned, pointing to Jinso's jeans. Jinso looked down and replied,

"Oh, that? I just did some training with about 1000 blood clones; 999 to be exact."

"Sakura was telling me about that earlier; something about a jutsu that makes clones out of your own blood and she kept screeching about how I would be able to make 10,000 of them if Naruto's brother could make 1000." Sasuke said. Jinso chuckled.

"Well, unless you can use your chakra to increase your bone marrow and red blood cell production, then I'm pretty sure you'd be a withered, flaky corpse if you tried to make that many." The Uchiha Heir's face paled at the thought.

"But enough talk; let's go inside for dinner." As the group strolled inside, they noticed that Inari was not on the couch anymore. The six of them walked over to the dinner table and sat down.

"So, Tsunami-san, what's for dinner?" Kakashi asked, not looking up from his smut. Of course, Jinso had to hold his blonde brother back so Naruto wouldn't kill the cycloptic jonin.

"I'm sorry, but I wasn't able to buy anything to make dinner with. Gato recently doubled the tax for all vegetable sellers, so most went out of business." Tsunami replied, tears beginning to grow in the corners of her eyes.

"That's alright, Tsunami-san; I can make dinner instead." Jinso suddenly told her, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. Tsunami dried her tears at his statement.

"You can?" Kurenai asked. Jinso let a shit-eating grin cross his face.

"How do you think Naruto survived without eating ramen 24/7?" Naruto then scowled at his surrogate older brother.

"That's low, Nii-san." The choconette took out a scroll and unsealed a surplus of food to cook.

"Now everyone leave the room. I work better and faster when no one's watching me." And so, Team 8, Team 7, Tsunami, Tazuna, and Amaterasu all moved to the living room while Jinso cooked.

**30 Minutes Later**

"Alright, you all can come back now!" The now starving group ran into the kitchen and gaped at what they saw.

There was teriyaki, ramen, pocky, pasta, onigiri, cinnamon buns, rice, sushi, calamari, mozzarella, bruschetta, garlic bread, sweet sausage, and oh so many more foods that made their mouths water. Jinso grinned once more.

"Holy crap!" Sasuke exclaimed in an OOC way.

"How did you make all that?" Tazuna asked.

"Trade secret." The choconette replied. Everyone rushed for the table with mouths drooling and eyes wide. Tsunami called her son down for dinner before sitting at the table herself. As the group feasted, Tsunami's emo of a son trudged down the stairs. When he got to the table, Inari sat down and barely ate a thing.

"You should eat up. I didn't make all this food just have someone poke it the entire meal." Jinso told the boy. Inari glared at Jinso with tears streaming down his face.

"What does it matter!? Gato's just going to find out, kill you all, and make our lives worse!" He yelled.

"Inari!" Tsunami scolded.

"Kid, Gato couldn't fucking kill me if he lopped off my head and smashed my heart with a sledgehammer." Jinso told the boy coldly.

"You say that, but you don't know how bad our lives have been! You shinobi go around happily like there's nothing wrong with the world and everything's fine! YOU DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT HOW MUCH WE'VE BEEN SUFFERING!" The air in the room suddenly grew ice-cold as most of the people there struggled to breathe.

"Kid...I know more about suffering than you could ever imagine...If I wrote down everything I knew about suffering, even the world's largest library couldn't hold it all! MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN FILLED WITH FUCKING SUFFERING!" Jinso shouted.

"You know how I said Gato couldn't kill me if he lopped off my head and crushed my heart with a sledgehammer? You wanna know _why_ I said that?" Jinso took out a kunai, frightening the other people in the room.

However, instead of hurting Inari, Jinso turned the point inward and stabbed his own heart. Blood dripped from Jinso's wound and down his tan skin. Everyone was shocked as the choconette continued to speak.

"IT'S BECAUSE I WAS SPEAKING THE TRUTH! _**I CAN'T DIE!**_ YOU MAY THINK THAT'S NOT SO BAD, BUT IT'S WORSE THAN YOU COULD _EVER_ IMAGINE!" Jinso twisted the kunai in his own chest for further emphasis before throwing it at the wall, where it a made a resounding _plunk_.

"I was one of the first humans to ever live and breathe on this ball of dust you call a planet back when all the nations and continents were one and the same!" The choconette yelled in a furious voice. He then took a deep breath and continued.

"Back then...things were simpler...Jealousy and revenge were foreign concepts to the people of the world, and harmony was as abundant as an autumn harvest. The gods that had shaped the world were thrice as active as they are today, and people were often visited by the gods in disguise. I was ten years old, and I was a born prodigy in the arts of the warrior. My skills and honorable values had piqued the curiosity of one of the gods, and so I was visited by him at the age of ten. Though I did not know who he was at the time, he came to me with an offer; he would personally train me in the ways of the warrior for the next six years.

After speaking to my family about it, I left with him, and I was not seen for six years. As we traveled to the location at which he would train me, he revealed that he was one of the gods, and I was utterly surprised. For one of the gods to reveal themselves to a mortal was an honor unto itself, and I was blessed with that honor! The training regimen he gave me was brutal, and it was made for me to prove my worth to him. At the end of my training, my master told me to fight him to the death as a final test.

He explained that he was the last of his generation of the gods, and had many predecessors in his position. The first gods to exist were made so that they could only fall in combat to their successors. With each fallen god, their successor would absorb their powers, and in turn have the ability to only die in combat to their successor grow weaker and weaker, with this cycle continuing until my generation, the most powerful and the last, could never die in any situation." Everyone but the choconette who spoke nostalgically gasped in shock. Kakashi even let his smut fall to the ground. Jinso turned and faced the window.

"And so, he asked me to kill him and complete the cycle. I had become something akin to a son in my master's eyes, and he said that out of _all_ the people in _the entire world_ who could've killed him, he was glad it was _me_. The next sentence he spoke became his final words in existence, and I still remember them to this day..." A solitary tear trailed down Jinso's face as he spoke.

"Nex est denique factum alio capitulus in libri vita...Tamen terminus unus capitulus est mereo ortus tunc..." He said hollowly. Lowering his head Jinso translated the proverb.

"'Death is the final act of a person's chapter in the book of life...But the end of one chapter is merely the birth of the next...' These were the very words he told me to try and ease my pain. As he spoke, I stared silently at my own blade, holding it with quivering hands. After coming to terms with what had to be done, I drove my blade into his heart and finished the cycle. With his dying breath, my master gave me the katana on my back as a symbol of our bond. As his blood splattered onto my clothing, my master's powers were added onto my own, and I became immortal." Jinso turned around, his tears having long been gone and instead the choconette's eyes were empty.

"I was crowned the 'Elder God'; a title given to the highest known deity in existence, whose power was rivaled by none and feared by all...It was a position of the highest honor, but it came at a cost...Everyone I loved would eventually wither away and become dust in the wind...But I would remain..." Jinso then clenched his fists in rage and continued.

"_**EVERY DAY; EVERY SUNRISE; EVERY TIME I LOOK IN THE FUCKING MIRROR, I SEE THE SAME DAMN THING! FOR TENS UPON HUNDREDS UPON THOUSANDS OF YEARS, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I LOOKED AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, THE SAME DAMN IMAGE STARED BACK AT ME, AND IT WAS LAUGHING AT MY MISFORTUNE! STANDING THERE, MOCKING ME, AND I COULDN'T DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT! DAYS TURNED INTO WEEKS, WEEKS TURNED INTO MONTHS, MONTHS TURNED INTO YEARS, YEARS TURNED INTO DECADES, DECADES TURNED INTO CENTURIES, AND CENTURIES TURNED INTO FUCKING MILLENIA, AND ALL THE WHILE, NOTHING EVER CHANGED ABOUT ME! IN FACT, THE DAY AFTER THAT HAPPENED, I ATTEMPTED TO KILL MYSELF BY SLITTING MY WRISTS, HANGING MYSELF, AND DECAPITATING MYSELF! NONE OF THEM WORKED!**_" Jinso lowered his before continuing once more.

"You do not know a fucking thing about suffering, you impudent brat! So what, your surrogate father died protecting you and Wave? Tough shit!" Jinso then glared at the boy, all his hatred and rage from long ago surfacing once more as he finished his tale.

"_**MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER IS DEAD! MY MOTHER IS DEAD! MY SISTER IS DEAD! MY BROTHER IS DEAD! MY NEPHEW, MY NIECE, MY UNCLE, MY AUNT, MY GRANDMOTHER, MY GRANDFATHER, MY COUSINS, MY GRANDNIECE, MY GRANDNEPHEWS, MY GREAT GRANDNEPHEWS, MY GREAT GRANDNIECES, AND MY GREAT GREAT GRANDNIECES AND GRANDNEPHEWS ARE DEAD! HELL, MY ENTIRE FAMILY TREE FUCKING WITHERED AND DIED ASIDE FROM MYSELF ABOUT TEN THOUSAND YEARS AGO! THE LAST MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY WERE FUCKING MURDERED BY A PSYCHO KILLER WHO HAD ESCAPED PRISON AND PROCEEDED TO RAPE THE LAST THREE FEMALES OF MY FAMILY AND KILL EVERYONE ELSE BEFORE KILLING THEM! IF THAT'S NOT SUFFERING, THEN EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A FUCKING LIE!**_"Jinso headed for the door and left, but not before asking,

"So tell me, kid...Do you _really_ wanna live forever?" With that Jinso left the building and slammed the door shut behind him. The air was thick with silence before Sakura let out a 'hmph'.

"I don't believe him! Nobody can live forever, so he probably just put up a genjutsu and made up that story on the spot!" The fangirl said moronically. Amaterasu and Naruto glared at her, releasing buckets of concentrated KI. Naruto then growled as his eyes turned crimson and his pupils turned into slits. The whiskered jinchuriki pulled his tanto off of his back and cleaved Sakura's plate and food in half, making the pink-haired fangirl jump back in fear.

"You're such a fucking idiot, you stupid fangirl! My Nii-san was telling the truth the whole time! YOU DON'T KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT WHAT HE'S GONE THROUGH!" The blonde yelled at her. He then grabbed the rest of the pocky and the bowl they were in and headed for the door with Amaterasu.

"Sensei, I'll be outside with my Nii-san and my Nee-chan, so don't expect us to be back before morning." And with that, Naruto and Amaterasu also slammed the door shut. Everyone, even Inari (who had realized how wrong he was and now had a new resolve) and Shino, glared at Sakura, who shrunk back under their gazes.

"What did I do wrong?" She asked. Kurenai let out a sigh.

"Sakura...That wasn't a genjutsu. Naruto's older brother actually did stab himself in the heart." The Genjutsu Mistress told her. Kakashi's one visible eye looked down in sadness.

"Naruto even confided in me one time that his older brother had made a secret memorial to his old master in their backyard under a willow tree, and lit incense there on the same day each year. Somehow, it always rained on that day, and Naruto told me it was as if the other gods had felt sympathy and wept alongside him. The memorial was hidden with a seal that could only be broken on that very day each year, and only with the blood of the person who made it." The silver-haired jonin said. Everyone stayed silent in thought before Kiba spoke up.

"I never thought that someone could become immortal, but now that the evidence is right in front of me, I have no choice but to believe him..."

**Undisclosed Location**

Jinso hacked through KB after KB in a fit of rage.

"That stupid fucking gaki! He thinks I don't know suffering, but that's been my whole fucking life! HE DOESN'T KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS TO SUFFER!" The choconette grunted as more clouds of smoke filled the clearing where he was. With a final roar, he slammed his sword into the ground and sent out a shockwave of energy that obliterated the remaining KBs. Jinso then fell to his hands and knees and began to cry silently.

"Master...Why did you have to make me kill you? Just as I was a son to you, you were a father to me...So why did it have to be this way?" He whispered, tears streaming down his face and onto the ground. Suddenly, Jinso felt a pair of arms wrap around him as a soft voice whispered into his ear.

"Shh...I'm here, my love...You're not alone..." Amaterasu told him sweetly as she rubbed her lover's back while his sobs echoed throughout the clearing. Once Jinso's tears dried and he calmed down, Naruto walked over and sat down next to him, putting the bowl of pocky in front of him. Jinso looked down shamefully.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that...It's just...I've lived since the world's creation, and to see someone overreact to something that is not as bad as it seems...It brings back all those memories that I try to keep buried...No one besides Naruto has ever seen me like this...And that's because he found out about the memorial I made for my Master..." He said.

_Flashback_

_It was raining that day._

_On that specific day, rain always poured down from the heavens and onto Konohagakure. No one knew why it did so, but nevertheless, it rained that same day every year._

_No one except Jinso, that is._

_The choconette walked out to the willow tree in his and Naruto's backyard, not caring that he was getting soaked by the rain. Jinso walked up the small hill that the willow stood upon and knelt down to the ground. After biting his thumb, Jinso swiped it over a near invisible seal on one of the tree's roots. At the base of the massive willow, a framed picture blurred into existence. It was of an old man standing beside a boy who looked exactly like Jinso, except the boy was 12. The old man wore simple blue and lavender robes, and had a scraggly white goatee on his chin. The young boy was piggybacking on his shoulders and had a wide grin on his face. The old man was smiling softly, as if he was at complete peace with the world. Jinso smiled forlornly at the picture as tears began to fall down from his eyes._

_Jinso then took out some incense and a holder and placed the incense down. He placed his hand on the wick of each incense candle, and magically lit them one by one. Jinso then placed the candles down in the holder and put his hands together in a silent prayer._

_When he finished praying Jinso began to sing a gloomy and sorrowful song._

"_Leaves from the vine...Falling so slow...Like fragile, tiny shells drifting in the foam...Little soldier boy...come marching home...Brave soldier boy...comes marching home..." The choconette sang as best he could while tears began dotting the soft grass. Jinso then smiled at the picture._

"_May you be at peace...my Master..."_

_Flashback End_

**Damn, it was so hard to write that ending! I had to stop myself from crying multiple times because of how sad it was!**

**And for all the Avatar the Last Airbender fans, that ending goes out to you guys!**

**I specifically based the ending off of the episode "Tales of Ba Sing Se" from Book 2, where Iroh paid tribute to his son Lu Ten at his son's grave, because it was Lu Ten's birthday.**

**Every time I watch that scene, I keep telling myself, "I'm not gonna cry! I'm not gonna cry! I'm not gonna cry!"**

**And then Iroh starts singing and I shout, "Dammit, I'm crying!"**

**That scene is just so sad and makes me tear up every time.**

**It's just raw sadness at its best in that scene.**

**Iroh lost his son, he's in the city where is son died, and he's telling Lu Ten happy birthday at sunset after lighting incense. And Iroh can't even finish the song he sings without crying because of how torn up he is on the inside.**

**Another sad thing is...Iroh's voice actor died just after that, and they made it in honor of him, as it says at the end of Iroh's segment.**

**And this chapter is also in honor of Iroh's former voice actor.**

**Goodbye for now everyone!**

**Ja ne!**

**-Jinso Kitsune-kun**

**IN HONOR OF MAKO IWAMATSU**

**(1933-2006)**

**A GREAT ACTOR AND ONE HELL OF AN UNCLE FOR ZUKO**


	7. Council Troubles and Kaasans

**Hello, all you readers out there, and welcome to Chapter 7 of Disciple of the Elder God!**

Chapter 7- Council Troubles and Kaa-sans

Jinso then turned his head to look Amaterasu right in the eyes with a sad smile. The white-haired beauty smiled back and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"I understand...Everyone has skeletons in their closet, even us gods. The only thing that matters is how long it will take for them to break the door open and spill out onto the floor." She replied. Naruto also smiled at his surrogate older brother.

"And besides, you'll always have us, Nii-san!" The blonde exclaimed. Jinso smiled at Naruto as well.

"Thanks, little bro. Now why don't we all have some of the pocky I made? I can feel a meteor shower coming in a few minutes." Jinso suggested.

"Hell yeah!" Naruto stated. The blonde took his place on Jinso's left side while Amaterasu sat on his left and leaned into the choconette's shoulder. Jinso grabbed the bowl of pocky and set it on his lap as the meteor shower began.

"Wow..." Naruto said in childish wonder.

"It's so beautiful..." Amaterasu remarked.

"Indeed...It's things like this that make you realize how fast people go through life...They never take the time to stop and just observe the world around them..." Jinso commented. The hours passed by quickly as the stars fell down from the sky, and as the last one crossed the horizon, the sky was dark once more. The entire bowl of pocky had been eaten, and Naruto had fallen fast asleep.

"I guess we should be getting back to Tazuna's house now." Jinso said with a yawn. Amaterasu giggled.

"Why would we do that? No one's around, and Naruto-kun is fast asleep." She told him in a husky voice. Jinso grinned at her.

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" He asked.

"Only if what you think I'm suggesting is that we have a little bit of _fun_." She hinted.

"Well, then...That's exactly what I'm think—"

"NARUTO-SAMA!" The couple was interrupted by a female shout and Naruto, who had been asleep, was awoken by a flying glomptackle from a brown blur.

"What just hit m—Haku-chan?!" Naruto asked, looking down at the brown blur that was snuggling into his chest.

"Yeah, it's me Naruto-sama! Zabuza-sama and I felt Jinso-sama's chakra earlier, so I went here to get some herbs for him and to see if you were actually here." Haku replied happily. Jinso grinned.

"Wow, little bro. You've already attracted another girl by now. You're gonna be a real lady killer when you get older, and I'm probably gonna have to beat the fangirls off with a stick." The choconette told him. Naruto blushed as Haku, who had not heard Jinso's statement, kept hugging him.

"So, Haku, where's Fluffy? Zabuza killed him yet?" Jinso asked her. As if on cue, a snow-white bunny with a brown spot on its ear hopped into the clearing.

"Oh, there you are, Fluffy. No Brows still trying to kill ya?" The bunny seemed to make a noise that held a hint of pride.

"Ah, I see. Keep up the good work." Jinso turned back to Haku.

"So, Haku, I need you to listen carefully..." The brunette seemed to finally hear him and stopped holding onto Naruto.

"You, Zabuza, and the Brothers need to stop working for Gato. If he's the kind of slimy prick I think he is, he's gonna wait until after you've fought us, when you are either tired or dead, and then move in to kill off the rest with mercs." Haku's eyes widened.

"Are you sure?" She asked him.

"100 percent. When you and Zabuza head for the bridge tomorrow, I want you to bring Dumb and Dumber as well. When we get there, I'll explain the plan." Haku nodded. Jinso usually called Gozu and Meizu 'Dumb and Dumber' because they usually didn't think their plans out that well. Only, Meizu was even worse at strategizing, hence why he was dubbed 'Dumber'.

"I'll tell Zabuza-sama as soon as I get back to him, Jinso-sama. See you tomorrow." With a short bow, Haku picked up Fluffy and left for Gato's base.

**Timeskip, The Bridge**

Tazuna arrived at his now completed bridge to see almost all of his workers on the ground unconscious. Only one was still coherent, but he was fading fast.

"What happened here? Who did this to you?" The worker lifted his head, about to fade out of the realm of consciousness.

"The...Demon of...the Mist..." That was all the worker got out before he fainted. Suddenly, a cliché yet effective mist rolled in, accompanied by Zabuza's maniacal laughter.

"Well, well, it seems you were telling the truth after all, Haku-chan." The Demon of the Bloody Mist appeared from within the fog, Haku and the Brothers right beside him.

"I would not lie to you, Zabuza-sama." Haku replied. Everyone but Jinso, Amaterasu (who had been filled in on the story) and Naruto took out various weapons and other things to fight, but Jinso held a hand up.

"Do not attack them. I need to have a chat with Zabuza." He told them.

"But they're the enemy! We need to attack them, right Sasuke-kun?!" Sakura asked in fangirlish hope. Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.

"If Naruto's older brother says we shouldn't, I trust him. An enemy can always be made into an ally with the right words." The Uchiha Heir replied. Begrudgingly, the various Leaf shinobi put away their weapons, and Jinso stepped forward. Surprisingly, Zabuza and Jinso got into Taijutsu stances. The air became tense with anticipation as both sides watched.

But then, the two relaxed and gripped each others' forearms in a greeting gesture. (Obscure SSBB reference, anyone?)

"It's good to see you again, Zabuza." Jinso greeted with a grin.

"Good to see you too, kid." Zabuza replied with a grin of equal proportions. They grinned at each other before realizing the gaping mob of Leaf Shinobi was near them.

"Okay...WILL SOMEONE TELL ME JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" Kiba shouted. The others nodded in agreement. Jinso's grin turned into a smirk.

"It's simple. During the years that I trained Naruto, I took him out of the village for a few months to experience the outside world and get his first kill. It was in those months that we met Zabuza, Haku, and the Brothers. Zabuza and I had a little sword fight, and I managed to gain him and his acquaintances as a part of my own spy network." The choconette told them. He turned back to Zabuza.

"As I told Haku, I have a deal for you four. From what I can gather, Gato is planning to betray you all and show up here when we're all supposedly tired from fighting and unable to fight back. From there, he would've had you and us all killed and continued to rule over Wave. So I ask the question: How would you like to join Konoha?" Zabuza narrowed his eyes.

"What's in it for us besides not having Gato betray us?" The Demon of the Mist asked suspiciously.

"Haku has a bloodline, and the Leaf worships those things like deities, so that's no problem. But the Civilian Council will demand stuff from you, so that'll be annoying even though they can't back up any threats they make. Plus, Naruto and I can both pull some strings with the Hokage and get you accepted on a month-long probation, after which you will be assigned a certain rank by the Hokage himself." Jinso could see the signs of a grin appearing beneath Zabuza's mask.

"You got yourself a deal, kid. Now how are we gonna fool Gato?" Jinso turned back to the Leaf Shinobi.

"Kurenai-san, would you kindly put up a genjutsu that makes it seem like Zabuza, the Brothers and Haku are dead and we're all tired?" With a shrug, Kurenai molded the signs for a genjutsu and the air around them wavered.

"Alright, I can sense Gato coming, and he'll be here in about two minutes. Everyone get all the weapons you need, and prepare yourselves. For you genin, you're gonna want to make your first kills in this little blitzkrieg of ours." Jinso said with caution. In two minutes, Gato had arrived exactly as Jinso said he would with his army of mercs.

"Well, well, well...It seems the fabled Demon of the Mist was nothing more than a chibi demon. Now that Zabuza, the Brothers, and his bitch are dead, I think it's time to kill you Leaf Shinobi. I may even keep the blue-haired girl, the red-eyed woman, and the white-haired woman as my personal slaves." Gato said in a sleazy and arrogant voice. However, that arrogance melted into a puddle of cowardice when the image before him shattered to reveal all the shinobi alive and fit.

But it wasn't that which he was afraid of.

He was afraid of the two raging demons that were blanketing the area in killing intent like a thick blizzard.

Naruto's eyes turned crimson with slit pupils, his hair grew wilder and longer, his nails grew sharper, and his teeth grew more pointed.

Jinso's eyes turned their supernatural mix of amber and crimson, and he growled, revealing a pointed tooth. His right hand became a black and red gauntlet with pointed fingers and a ruby on the back of the gauntlet's palm.

Jinso took his sword off of his back and transformed it into a beam katana. (It's Henry's from No More Heroes, but it's been colored pitch black.)

"**Say, Naruto...why don't we try out your fully unlocked bloodline on these fuckers?**" Jinso suggested with a malicious grin. Naruto mirrored the same grin on his own face.

"**I think that's an excellent idea, Nii-san. Gato was disappointed by a fake demon, so I'll show him a SHADOW DEVIL!**"(1) Naruto then flipped through a blurring series of one-handed seals before announcing his technique.

"**Akumuton: Jigokudoki (Nightmare Release: Hell's Wrath)!**"

Naruto then reared his head back and roared as puddles of shadow crept along the bridge and gathered at Naruto's feet. The black mass began covering his entire body and transforming him.

Transforming him into _what_, exactly?

Where the boy known as Uzumaki Naruto once stood, a hulking behemoth of black and cyan energy had taken his place.

The monster that stood ten feet tall had glowing cyan eyes with red irises and violet slit pupils. Its long and shadowy hands extended into ivory claws, and rows of razor-sharp fangs littered the inside of its mouth. A black and blood-red tail extended from the base of its spine with a spade at the tip. A hole was in the middle of its chest, with what appeared to be human blood seeping down from it. Two black bat-like wings extended from its shoulder blades, and gold horns stood proud atop its head. A row of golden spines traveled down its back and ended near the tip of its tail. Ivory talons grew from black feet that seemed to be melded to the ground.

All in all, it seemed as if the Devil himself had joined the party.

Jinso gave a feral grin.

"**You made the worst mistake of your pitiful little life when you threatened to rape the only woman I have loved in a long time, you fucking slimeball!**" He shouted in a demonic voice

"**Not only that, but you also wanted to rape my beloved and her sensei...FOR THAT, YOU WILL SUFFER!**" Naruto roared in the same voice and tone as Jinso. Gato and his army of mercenaries and bandits stepped backwards in fear as the two demonic entities crept towards them.

"**Now...As you so brought destruction upon the Land of Waves...**" Jinso started.

"**We shall return it to you tenfold!**" Naruto finished. The two of them then spoke in unison.

"**PREPARE TO DIE!**" And thus, the two Angels of Death charged the mob. They hacked and slashed through wave after wave after wave of mooks, bathing Tazuna's bridge in their crimson life force. Jinso even punched on bandit so hard that his entire body exploded in a shower of blood and organs. (Raiden's Fatality move from Mortal Kombat)

Naruto tore through groups of mercenaries with his shadowy claws, and even bit a bandit's head off one time. Jinso's body and clothing were coated in the blood of the fallen.

After much mental scarring on everyone else's part and lots of gore and disemboweling, the two finally reached Gato.

"P-P-Please d-don't kill m-me! I-I'll g-g-give you anything y-you want!" The slimeball begged. Jinso sneered at Gato.

"**How pitiful...You once stood arrogant, thinking that you were undefeatable; an immovable object amongst the world...But then we, the unstoppable force, came and bested you, leaving you to be a sniveling, crying weakling! You are not even worthy of being killed by my blade!**" And so, Jinso reached down, and picked the small man up. From there, he readied his gauntlet hand to strike. Moving so fast that no one could see him, Jinso used his claw to slice and dice Gato's body. Once Jinso finished, Gato froze up and then exploded in a shower of blood as his body fell to parts that looked like slices of deli ham. The only thing left was his head, which was still alive.

Believe it or not, the human head can actually survive after decapitation, if only for twenty seconds. That was all the time that Jinso needed.

"**When the ferryman Charon asks who sent your pathetic soul to Hell, let him know it was the Elder God!**" Jinso then slammed the once powerful businessman's head on the ground and crushed it under his foot, splattering Gato's final pints of blood onto the cold, grey stone. Jinso and Naruto both calmed down after seeing there were no survivors, and Naruto's body changed back to its normal state. Jinso's eyes turned blue-green-gray once more, and the choconette steadied himself.

Naruto, however, passed out as the adrenaline left him, and Jinso caught his surrogate younger brother with shaking arms.

"Someone help...I'm about to pass out as well..." Jinso said to the Leaf Shinobi. Hinata, Haku, and Amaterasu rushed over to the pair. Amaterasu caught Jinso while Haku and Hinata caught Naruto. Right before Jinso lost consciousness, he said,

"Make sure...they name the bridge after Naruto..." The choconette's eyes then closed and his body went slack. The three of them rushed over to the others and quickly headed for Tazuna's house so as to let Jinso and Naruto relax.

**3 Days Later**

Amaterasu and Naruto sat on the edge of Jinso's bed, waiting for him to wake up. The choconette himself was lying peacefully under the tucked covers with his arms at his sides. His shirt and pants were too bloody to clean, so they were burned, and Amaterasu was only able to find Jinso a new pair of jeans, so he had to go shirtless.

It was found that during the battle, one of the mercenaries had gotten lucky and slashed him on the chest with a poisoned weapon. Jinso may have been immortal, but getting poisoned still sucked ass!

Amaterasu had taken it upon herself to dress the wound and bandage her lover's chest after laying him there. Naruto had recovered quickly from passing out, as barely any damage was done to his body.

She and Naruto had both sat on the edge of his bed and waited for the past three days while the others kept people who were asking to see him and Naruto out, giving them the message 'They just need to relax, and will come out when they're ready'.

"I wish Jinso-koi would wake up...It's been so boring around here without him to make it fun." Amaterasu said with a wistful sigh. Naruto nodded in agreement.

"Yeah...Nii-san always made me feel better when I was down..." Naruto then looked at his surrogate older brother before looking back at Amaterasu.

"_Please wake up soon, Nii-san..._" The blonde whispered.

"As you wish, little bro." The pair whirled around to find Jinso sitting up under the covers, supporting himself with one arm. Naruto and Amaterasu's frowns turned into ecstatic smiles as they both glomped him.

"Hey, take it easy! You don't wanna put me back out after I just got up, now do ya?" Jinso asked with a grin. After Jinso set Amaterasu on his lap, she asked,

"Why did it take you so long to wake up, Jinso-koi?! Everything was so boring without you here!" His lover gave him a cute pout before he chuckled.

"I may be immortal, but getting poisoned and then purging it from my body still hurts like a bitch, you know. Plus, I was still angry about the whole 'Gato threatening to rape you' situation, so I decided to let it calm down instead of getting up and unleashing it for no particular reason." He replied after kissing Amaterasu on the cheek.

"But now that I'm up, I've got a fun surprise for everyone. Naruto, Rasu-chan, you remember what I taught you about rock music, right?" Naruto grinned eagerly.

"What song? What song? What song?" The blonde chanted, bouncing up and down as he spoke.

"'We Will Rock You', but with my own touch added to it. I like to call it 'We Rocked Gato'. Now, Rasu-chan, first of all, I need you to create a Kage Bunshin." The white-haired beauty easily did so with a grin on her face. Jinso then turned to the clone.

"No matter what, don't tell the others that I'm awake yet and don't let anyone in, alright?" Amaterasu's KB nodded happily.

"This is gonna be good!" She giggled.

"Now, Naruto, Rasu-chan, come with me." The other two nodded and then they all disappeared in separate clouds of smoke.

'Amaterasu' smiled at the spot where Jinso had just been.

Suddenly, the doorknob started turning, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Don't come in here just yet!" She shouted out.

"Why not?" Came the muffled voice of Kakashi from behind the door. 'Amaterasu' stomped right over to the door and opened it with fire in her eyes.

"**BECAUSE I SAID SO!**" She roared in a demonic voice, her head having grown four times its normal size with sharp fangs and fire coming out of her mouth. 'Amaterasu' then shut the door in Kakashi's face with a huff.

**Hallway**

Sasuke and Hinata were playing poker on the hallway floor when they saw Kakashi step back from the door that led into Jinso's room and then run away.

"Kakashi-sensei...What did you do now?" Sasuke asked. Kakashi's visible eye widened in a look of fear.

"Sasuke...Never make a friend's girlfriend angry..." The silver-haired jonin said before walking off with a shudder. Sasuke blinked owlishly before returning to his game of poker with Hinata.

Suddenly, the sound of stomping and clapping was heard all over Wave.

"What...the hell is that?" Sasuke asked. Hinata shrugged before packing up the cards and heading out to see what the noise was.

**Town Square**

Jinso, Naruto, and one KB of Naruto all wielded specific instruments, while Amaterasu stomped the beat out.

Jinso had the electric guitar and was at the mike with Naruto.

Naruto had the bass guitar.

And Naruto's KB was on the drums. After Jinso had Naruto look at the words only once (Naruto has an eidetic memory, remember? *accidental pun*), the choconette used his fingers and counted from 3 to 0 before beginning.

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

The people of Wave began to gather around the four, wondering just what the heck they were doing. Amaterasu continued stomping and clapping as Jinso and Naruto sang.

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

Naruto then backed off and Jinso began.

**We rocked Gato**

**Back on the bridge;**

**He had a bunch of mercs**

**But we never flinched!**

**Gato had no chance**

**When he fought us;**

**So we kicked his ass, now he's never comin' back!**

Naruto then joined back in just as the rest of the Leaf Shinobi arrived.

"Is that...Naruto and his older brother?!" Kakashi asked with a wide eye.

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

Now Jinso stepped back and Naruto took his turn.

**We stomped his mercs**

**Into the dirt;**

**They were cannon fodder**

**And we had guns!**

**He had fear on his face,**

**The big disgrace!**

**So we sent him to Hell, where we saved him a special place!**

Now Jinso joined in once more, and neither of them was going to back down for this one.

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

The both of them were singing this last verse. As they did so, Amaterasu motioned for the crowd to follow her movements.

**Now that Gato is dead,**

**Wave can rest its head;**

**The day is saved**

**And we have won!**

**The bridge is done!**

**Gato is dead!**

**And it's time for Wave to get back on its feet!**

This time, Jinso stepped away from the mike and prepared his electric guitar.

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

**We rocked**

**We rocked Gato!**

Right after Naruto finished the bridge of the song, Jinso started strumming furiously on his electric guitar. All the while, everyone else stomped their feet and clapped along.

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

**STOMP-STOMP-CLAP**

Jinso struck the final chord of the song on his guitar right as the crowd clapped one last time.

"Thank you Nami no Kuni!"

**Timeskip**

Teams 7 and 8 were now leaving Wave and returning home to Konoha with Zabuza, Haku and the Brothers in tow.

"Goodbye, Tsunami-san, Tazuna-san, Inari-san!" Naruto exclaimed with a wave. Tazuna and his family waved goodbye.

"See ya, kid! Don't forget to come back sometime!" Tazuna shouted back. With a final send-off, the group raced back to Konoha.

**Hokage's Office, 1 Day Later**

The reports had been given for Team 7 and Team 8, and now Jinso, Amaterasu, Naruto, Zabuza, Haku, and the Brothers were the only ones standing in front of the Hokage.

"So you're telling me that you four all wish to join Konoha? Is that right?" Hiruzen asked.

"Yeah. The gaki here said that—" Zabuza was interrupted when a Chunin who was loyal to Civilian Council bust in the door.

"Hokage-sama, the Council requests a meeting with you, and all those present in the room." The Chunin said, glaring at Naruto while he spoke. Hiruzen gave a sigh, and said,

"Fine. Tell them that we'll be there." The Chunin left the room, but not before glaring at Naruto one last time. Hiruzen then facepalmed.

"Shall we?"

**Council Meeting Room**

Hiruzen took his seat and scowled at the Civilian Council. Jinso and the others all walked into the center of the room, and Jinso took his seat among the Clan Heads, specifically the Uzumaki one.

"Hey, you can't sit there, you brat!" A fat and elderly civilian shouted. (It seems that the Civilian Council has a LOT of these, am I right?) Jinso rolled his eyes.

"Says who? I adopted my little brother and joined the Uzumaki clan at the same time, filled out all the papers correctly, and...Let's see, what else is there?..." Jinso tapped his chin in mock thought before pointing a finger upwards in sarcastic remembrance.

"Ah, yes!" Jinso's gaze then turned dark and serious.

"You're a civilian with chakra levels the size of a fucking dust mote while I'm a jonin-ranked shinobi who could kill you in the blink of an eye and not give a single fuck about it. Now shut the fuck up, and go replace your bloody tampon or whatever the hell is making you so irritating right now!" That last remark got snickers from even the WOMEN among the Clan Heads and the Shinobi Council.

Hiruzen held in a fit laughter as he said,

"Alright, J-san, that's enough. No need to embarrass him further." Jinso raised an eyebrow.

"You sure? 'Cuz from the looks of it, I clearly need to replace everything in that guy's fridge with Diet Coke or some shit like that." The choconette asked with a smirk. Everyone burst into fits of laughter, even the AKIMICHI. Jinso turned to Choza.

"No offense towards your clan, or anything like that Choza-san." The Akimichi Clan Head had to stop himself from laughing to reply.

"None taken, J-san." Jinso nodded.

"Sweet." Hiruzen then coughed, gaining everyone's attention.

"If you're done being the class clown of this meeting, J-san, I'd like to begin." Jinso smirked.

"By all means. I'll be over here if you need some comic relief or if anyone needs a good kick in the ass." Jinso then placed his hands behind his head, grinning all the while. Hiruzen turned to the civilians.

"What is it this time?" He asked in a clearly bored tone. Sakura's mother stood up from her seat and said,

"We would like to know why 3 missing-nin were brought into the village today by that _dem_—" She was cut off by a blue laser making a hole in the wall right beside her. Sakura's mother looked opposite of herself to Jinso with a scowl on his face.

"Finish that word and you'll find yourself without the necessary body parts to do it again." He warned in a cold tone. Jinso then gestured for her to continue, albeit with a scowl on his face.

"As I was saying, we were wondering why 3 missing-nin were brought into the village this morning. Care to explain, _Hokage-sama_?" The banshee suddenly found herself with a beam katana at her neck.

"You _will_ speak to Hiruzen-san with respect, _civilian_; otherwise, I will _make_ you." Jinso told her. Sakura's mother began sweating.

"Y-You don't speak to h-him with respect either!" She replied pointedly. Jinso's eyes narrowed.

"Unlike you people, I have a different way of treating people with respect. If I acknowledge them by their name, I respect them. If I merely call them by their title, they must prove they deserve my respect if they want it. If I insult them, then I think they are pathetic. If I don't even acknowledge their presence, I think they are of better use to the world when they're six feet under the dirt." He replied curtly.

"Now then, use _your_ form of respect for your betters to acknowledge Hiruzen-san, or _else_." Jinso deactivated his beam katana and teleported back into his seat, the deep scowl never leaving his face.

"S-Sorry, Hokage-sama. What I m-meant to say was, why are t-there 3 missing-nin in o-our village?" Hiruzen then gestured to Naruto, silently asking the boy to explain. Naruto then described the whole mission to Wave, accidentally mentioning his nightmarish bloodline in front of the ever-power-hungry Civilian Council. The Civilian's eyes widened in fear, and one foolish councilman even shouted,

"I KNEW IT! THAT THING IS NOT A BOY! IT'S A DEMON, AND IT'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!" However, before he could rally anyone to fight, the man's head was separated from his body via Jinso's gauntlet hand. Jinso looked back at the Councils.

"Anyone _else_ care to piss me off during this meeting?! I've got _plenty_ of anger to burn off after my girlfriend was threatened with RAPE!" He asked in a furious tone. No one dared to move an inch of their bodies or even respond to the choconette.

"Know this: I will not stand for ANY bullshit towards my little brother, my lover, or ANYONE who is under the protection or is a part of the Uzumaki clan!" Jinso then told them after teleporting back to his seat. Hiruzen coughed once more.

"Aside from that, what else have you called this meeting for?" The Hokage asked. The Civilians remained silent, for they were afraid of the Angel of Death currently sitting opposite to them in the room. Jinso quickly used his powers to pick through their minds and then responded to him.

"Most of them wish to give their own version of 'probation' to the 3 missing-nin and then put Haku in a breeding program for the Hyoton, something I have no doubt they only learned of due to a certain shinobi she castrated earlier with her bloodline who was loyal to the Civilian Council and made a grab for her rear end. However, I have already placed Haku under the protection of the Uzumaki clan, and to do something like what they were planning is considered an offense to my clan." The choconette said, earning the surprise of everyone else in the room.

"And just how do you know this? Not that I'm saying you're outright lying, but there should be some form of proof for your statement." Hiashi Hyuga asked him.

"I was actually with Haku at the time the event I mentioned took place and I can read the minds of every person in this room right now." Jinso replied. Sakura's mother crossed her arms.

"Prove it." Jinso scowled at her.

"I don't have to prove jack shit to you, _civilian_, and it would be in your best interest to learn where your place is during these kinds of meetings." He replied in a cold voice.

"J-san, please just show us that you're speaking the truth." The Hokage then said. Jinso turned to the Akimichi Clan Head.

"Choza-san is thinking of the ribs his wife is making for their dinner tonight, which I must say look quite delicious," Choza blushed at the fact that it was indeed true. Jinso then turned to the Nara Clan Head.

"Shikaku-san is thinking of ways to avoid his wife kicking his ass with a frying pan later, though we all know he's got a snowball's chance in hell of succeeding at that," Shikaku banged his head on the table and muttered,

"Mendokusei..." Jinso then faced Hinata's father, and was about to speak, but suddenly his eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and the choconette had to plug up his nose to keep blood from spurting out.

"Aw, seriously, Hiashi-san?! You're thinking of _that_ during a _meeting_ of all places?!" The choconette said, causing Hiashi to blush and cover his face. Jinso wiped the blood from his nostrils and then looked at the Hokage.

"I hope that proves I'm not lying." He told the Sarutobi. Hiruzen nodded.

"It does." The Hokage then turned to the civilians. It was time to show those fools just why he was called the Kami no Shinobi.

"You are not allowed by any means to order ANY shinobi to do what you want, as they are meant to follow MY orders, _civilians_. You are here to advise the Hokage, and not a single thing more. THAT IS IT! _Understood?!_" Hiruzen let out waves of KI at the Civilian Council. Sakura's mother then spoke up.

"H-Hokage-sama, w-we were only th-thinking in the b-best interest for the v-village." She tried to continue but was stopped by another person.

"That's a load of bullshit! You weren't thinking squat about the village's best interest! You were only thinking about filling your pockets with more money and trying to wrestle control from Hiruzen-san!" Jinso shouted at them. The other Clan Heads nodded in agreement, with some of them, such as Tsume Inuzuka and Jinso himself, growling in anger.

"I want you all out of my sight, and you are not to bother me for the rest of the day!" Hiruzen shouted at the Civilian Council, who bolted for the door.

"Actually, Hiruzen-san, there is one more thing that _I_ wish to discuss before the meeting ends." Jinso spoke up. The Civilian Council stopped in their tracks and then walked back to their seats with many of them scowling.

"What would that be, J-san?" Hiruzen asked. Jinso pulled out a notepad and looked it over.

"I am suing the Haruno clan on several counts against my own." Sakura's mother let out a massive shriek.

"YOU LIE! MY CLAN HAS DONE NOTHING TO YOURS, YOU IMPUDENT BRAT! I BET THIS IS MERELY A GRUDGE SET UP BY THAT BITCH, KUSHINA!" She shouted. Before she could get another yell in, the entire room was overflowing with KI from two direct sources:

Naruto and Jinso.

"**WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL MY MOTHER?!**" Naruto roared, his eyes having already turned crimson with slit pupils. Jinso started snarling.

"Naruto, sit your ass down now!" He told his adopted little brother in voice that said there was no room for argument. Jinso glared directly at Sakura's mother.

"If you think you can get away with insulting one of the greatest members of my clan, who was not only one of the best kunoichi Konoha ever had in it, but ALSO my adopted brother's Kaa-san, then you are SORELY mistaken! I WILL NOT HAVE _ANYONE_ SLANDER MY CLAN'S NAME OR _ANY_ OF ITS MEMBERS OUT OF PURE ENVY AND PETTY DESIRE! IF YOU ATTEMPT TO DO SO, I WILL FUCKING _LIQUIDATE_ YOUR CLAN _BY MYSELF!_" The choconette yelled, flooding the room with his KI.

"THIS HAS _NOTHING_ TO DO WITH KUSHINA! I AM SUING YOUR PITIFUL LITTLE CLAN OF MY _OWN_ AGENDA, SO TO ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A THING WITHOUT ANY PROOF IS HIGHLY OFFENSIVE _AND_ IT LEAVES ME WITH THE SUDDEN URGE TO END YOUR PATHETIC HUSK OF A LIFE RIGHT NOW!" Jinso slammed his hand on the desk in front of him, and it shook the entire room.

"Your daughter has committed at least FORTY separates counts of battery and assault against my clan's heir, Uzumaki Naruto, during their time at the ACADEMY! She _repeatedly_ BEAT HIM UP for trivial reasons such as him sitting in 'her spot' next to one Uchiha Sasuke, who she wished to impress out of fangirlish desire that makes me want to PUKE! Not only that, but she has also committed at least THIRTY counts of attempted battery and assault towards my clan's heir after graduating from the Academy, for other trivial reasons along the same lines! Also, I am suing on a more personal matter, as your clan's constant shrieking did something UNFORGIVABLE to me and my lover one night..." Jinso lowered his head, and the choconette's brown bangs shadowed his rage-filled eyes from them. But then, Jinso suddenly lifted his head and unleashed buckets of KI at Sakura's mother.

"**THE SHRIEKING OF EVERY FUCKING BITCH IN YOUR CLAN MANAGED TO ****_COCKBLOCK_**** ME AFTER A STRESSFUL DAY OF TRAINING AND WORK AT THE INTERROGATION DEPARTMENT! DO YOU KNOW HOW PISSED OFF I WAS?! I WOULD'VE MADE THE KYUUBI ATTACK LOOK LIKE A FUCKING PLAYDATE BETWEEN TWO FIVE YEAR-OLDS!**" All the men present cringed, and Amaterasu even let out her own KI at the woman.

You don't cockblock one of the most powerful people in the village and expect to live afterwards or at least not suffer horribly and mercilessly.

"FOR ALL OF THAT, I AM SUING YOUR BANSHEE-FILLED CLAN FOR 1,000,000,000,000,000 YEN!" (That's 1 Quintillion Yen, which is about $12,775,470,769,071,332.00 USD)

"WHAAAAAAAT?!" Everyone covered their ears and visibly winced.

"MY CLAN DOESN'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!" Jinso scowled.

"Then you have to pay in a different manner of my own choosing to make up for it." Jinso then gave everyone a sadistic grin as he flipped through hand seals and then slammed his palm on the desk.

"**KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!**"

(Uzunaru999...THIS IS FOR YOU! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

A male howler monkey then appeared on the desk and began making noises.

"You must take care of this howler monkey for the next two years in order to pay off your clan's debts! That includes feeding, letting it use the bathroom, and other tasks!" He told her. The Clan Heads realized what he was doing, and had mixed reactions; some turned green in the face, some started holding in their laughs, and some stayed emotionless on the outside but were laughing their asses off on the inside.

"FINE!" Jinso then sent the howler monkey over to her.

"Oh, and one more thing..."

"WHAT?!"

"It's mating season for howler monkeys, and they use shrieking to find a mate! JA NE!" Jinso, Naruto, Amaterasu, Zabuza, Haku, and the Brothers then disappeared in a variety of shunshin techniques. Along with them, all the Clan Heads, the Hokage, and the Shinobi Council disappeared as well, making the civilians the only people there.

"WHAAAAT?!"

"HOO-HOO-HOO HA-HA-HA!"

"AHHHHHHH!"

**Hokage's Office, One Second Later**

Jinso, Amaterasu, Naruto, the Hokage, Zabuza, Haku, and the Brothers all reappeared in the office, laughing their asses off all the while.

"Oh, man! That was brilliant, kid!" Zabuza said to Jinso. The choconette smirked at him.

"I just wanted the Haruno clan to realize how bad their shrieking is, and also get a little bit of payback for all the Konoha shinobi on the side." He replied.

"Either way, that was pulled off flawlessly!" Amaterasu giggled. Once everyone managed to calm themselves down, Hiruzen spoke up.

"Now, then...There is something I wish to speak to you all about. Since Naruto-kun's house is too small for all of you and anyone else who lives there to stay in, I will be giving him a new one." The Hokage said.

"You mean his inheritance, right?" Jinso asked.

"Yes, I do." Hiruzen replied. Zabuza, Haku, Gozu, and Meizu all had looks of confusion.

"What inheritance, Hokage-sama?" Zabuza asked.

"Naruto, you will now be living at the Namikaze Mansion. I am going to take you there myself in a few minutes, as I am the only one who knows of its location." Jinso narrowed his eyes.

'_He was lying when he said that only he knows its location, but it seems to be for good reason, so I'll let that one slide._' Zabuza, Haku, and the Brothers all gaped.

"You're the Yondaime's son?!" Zabuza shouted. Naruto smirked.

"Yet no one from Konoha ever figured it out just by looking at the Hokage Monument." The blonde replied. Hiruzen coughed to gain their attention.

"Anyways, please follow me so that I may show you to your new home." The six of them all got up and left for the Hokage Momument.

**Namikaze Mansion**

The group arrived at a pair of iron gates with a seal in the middle of them and gazed in wonder at the mansion. It was easily twice as large as even the Uchiha Compound, and the mansion made the Hyuuga compound look like a two-room apartment in comparison.

"Welcome to your new house, Naruto-kun. I've kept it hidden from the members of the Council who wanted to have it for themselves over the years in order to prepare it for your arrival." Hiruzen said, gesturing to the large building in front of them.

"Daaaaaaaamn..." Gozu drawled.

"Minato left a blood seal here on the gates so that only someone of his bloodline may access the mansion, Naruto-kun. All you have to do is simply prick your finger and swipe some blood on the seal to unlock the gates. Once you're all set up, the seal will only respond to the chakra of anyone you have registered in it. If anyone who has not been registered attempts to get in, they'll receive quite the nasty shock in response." The Hokage explained. Naruto nodded and then bit his thumb. The blonde jinchuriki then touched his thumb to the seal and swiped it across, leaving a red streak behind.

The black seal immediately turned light blue and began glowing. With a mighty creak, the iron gates swung open and the entire group walked past them. When everyone had passed by, the gates swung themselves back into their original position and shut with a loud clang.

While the eight of them walked towards the looming mansion, Hiruzen turned to Naruto and Jinso.

"Naruto-kun, Jinso-sama...once you are all settled in, there is something I wish to speak to you both about." The Hokage whispered. Jinso raised an eyebrow.

"What's that?" He asked. Hiruzen let out a sigh.

"It's about Kushina..." Suddenly, the Sarutobi Clan Head was blind-sided by two massive amounts of KI.

"What about Kushina?" Jinso asked with narrowed eyes. Hiruzen started sweating a little bit.

"It seems that Kushina is actually still...alive." Hiruzen was suddenly grabbed by the neck and shoved against a tree by Naruto, whose eyes were crimson with slit pupils.

"**Where the fuck is she, old man?! And how long have you known that my mother was alive?!**" The blonde growled.

"I only found out yesterday when one of Danzo's ROOT operatives was captured and had a seal that prevented him from speaking about Danzo removed by Jiraiya before being interrogated for everything he knew. It appears Danzo has kept your mother in stasis until he could find a chance to kill you before brainwashing her to be a ROOT operative. She was moved to the restricted section of the hospital and kept in a private room guarded by ROOT ANBU." Hiruzen replied in a shaky voice as he looked his surrogate grandson in the eyes.

"**I'm going to kill that bastard the next chance I get! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY MOTHER UNLESS THEY WANT TO MEET THE SHINIGAMI AHEAD OF SCHEDULE!**" Naruto roared. Jinso looked at Hiruzen with angry eyes.

"Naruto and I are heading over there right now, and anyone who tries to stop us WILL be killed, shinobi or not. C'mon, little bro!" Jinso handed Naruto a pair of uzi submachine guns, pulled out two handguns, and then teleported the two of them to the entrance of the restricted section in the hospital.

**Konoha General Hospital**

The two Shinigami made flesh appeared right in front of a solid stone door, which was promptly blasted off of its hinges with a well-placed explosive tag. ROOT shinobi immediately appeared on site and drew their weapons.

"Stop the demons!" One shouted. The blank-masked ROOT soldiers then charged Jinso and Naruto, who stared intensely at them.

"You want demons?" Naruto asked in a cold voice. Both he and Jinso had turned their bodies to the walls and angled their heads to look at the ROOT shinobi. Each of their guns was held facing downwards. Somehow, Jinso had changed their clothing into black suits with long trench coats and boats, and they both wore dark shades to cover their eyes. Megumi was reared on the ground beside Naruto, bearing her fangs in a snarl at the people who pissed off her master.

"Then we're gonna give you the most kickass, bad as all hell motherfuckers available!" Jinso finished in an equally frigid tone as the blonde jinchuriki beside him.

"Megumi, guard the door!" Naruto barked, making the midnight black kitsune stay behind them. The ROOT-nins charged the duo, who immediately raised their guns and began firing in accordance with law #15 (Law of Anime #15 states that when using any kind of firearm that uses bullets or other small projectiles, you will NEVER run out of ammo, unless you are cornered, outnumbered, outclassed, and unconscious.) As the two made their bloody and macabre way to Kushina's room, the remains of more and more ROOT shinobi littered the hallways.

After finally arriving at the room Hiruzen told them of, Jinso and Naruto quietly entered to see her lying on the hospital bed. Tears began to form in Naruto's eyes.

"_K-Kaa-san..._" He whispered. The only noises that could be heard were the steady beeps of Kushina's monitor beside the bed. Jinso walked over to Naruto's mother.

"She's been kept in a coma with heavy sedatives for almost 13 whole years...For her to still be alive is nothing short of a miracle..." Jinso said to himself. He then turned to Naruto with determined eyes.

"Luckily, she can still come out of it without being a vegetable." The choconette told his adopted little brother, making the boy's eyes shine with hope.

"R-Really?!" Naruto asked. Jinso gave him a small smile before turning back to Kushina.

"Count on it. It'll take me about an hour, so I want you to guard this room. If ANYONE tries to force their way in, go _demon_ on them." Jinso and Naruto both chuckled. It was their way of saying 'Don't hold back' to each other. The blonde then nodded and left to stand outside the door with Megumi right beside him, baring her fangs.

'_Your Kaa-san is very pretty, Naruto-sama._' Megumi yipped. Naruto nodded.

"She is. I bet Tou-san had to beat off any one who tried to go on a date with her with his special kunai, and she had to do the same for him." Naruto replied to the three-tailed kitsune.

**Timeskip- 1 Hour**

'_Where...am I?...The last thing I remember is Minato-kun taking our son to do the sealing...My son...Where's my sochi?_' Kushina thought, blinking her eyes open for the first time in 13 years. Suddenly, the redhead shot straight up.

"My sochi! Where is my sochi?!" Kushina shouted. Jinso turned his head to the door.

"Naruto, you've got someone here to see you!" The blonde bolted back in and stopped right beside his red-haired mother.

"Kaa-san?" Naruto asked hopefully. Kushina turned and looked straight at him.

"My...sochi..." She said, staring into the boy's eyes. Naruto was suddenly glomptackled and pulled into a hug.

"MY SOCHI! YOU'RE ALIVE! MY SOCHI IS ALIVE!" Kushina screamed happily with tears of joy streaming down her face. Naruto hugged her back with tears coming from his eyes as well.

"KAA-SAN!" He shouted. Jinso watched as the mother and son hugged each other for a good five minutes.

'_I'm happy for the kid...After all the shit he's gone through, Naruto deserves this...Kinda wish my mom was here, though..._' Jinso let out a mental sigh and looked out the window.

"Well, if you two are done with the touchy-feely moment, I think Kushina-san should change into some regular clothes so the village can't see what's underneath her hospital gown." Naruto and Kushina froze before Kushina's face turned red.

"HENTAI!" The red-haired Uzumaki turned to punch Jinso, but he caught her fist with ease.

"Whoa, easy there! I was just suggesting that you change into better clothing. Most of this rotten village doesn't deserve to see what's under there!" The choconette said, waving his arms in a motion that suggested he wasn't being rude. Kushina blinked owlishly before asking,

"Wait...who are you?" Jinso grinned before giving a short bow.

"My name is Jinso, Kushina-san. I adopted Naruto about three years ago and have been taking care of him while you were in a coma. He's become kinda like a little brother to me, and I've been protecting him from the ass-backwards Civilian Council that thinks they're almighty in the village. Pleased to make your acquaintance." The choconette told her. Kushina blinked owlishly once more.

"I was in a coma?" She asked. Jinso nodded with suddenly dark eyes.

"For 13 years, I'm afraid. I'll tell you the short version once you've gotten changed and are ready to leave." Jinso then snapped his fingers, causing a fresh set of clothing to appear on the hospital bed.

"How did you do that-ttebane?" Kushina asked him.

"All will be explained later. Now go get changed and then we'll head off for the Namikaze Mansion."

**Timeskip**

Naruto and Jinso were let back into Kushina's room once she had gotten changed. Instead of wearing a dingy, grey hospital gown, she wore a set of the same clothing as she had when she was pregnant with Naruto.

"Are you all set to go?" Jinso asked the red-haired kunoichi.

"Yep! Let's go, sochi!" Kushina said to Naruto. The blonde got right beside his mother and then nodded to Jinso, who formed a single hand seal.

"Get ready, Kaa-san. The first time doing is a bit dizzying." Naruto said to Kushina, who looked confused.

"The first time doing what-ttebane?" She questioned.

"Teleporting, of course!" Jinso said just as he was about to warp them. Before Kushina could reply, the two humans, one god, and one kitsune all disappeared in a flash of light.

**Namikaze Mansion**

The four appeared right at the front doors of the huge mansion where Hiruzen had been waiting for them. Upon seeing Kushina, the once elderly Sarutobi's eyes bugged out anime style.

"K-K-K-KUSHINA?!" He exclaimed. The red-haired Uzumaki scowled and marched right over to him.

"**HOW COULD YOU LEAVE MY SOCHI TO FEND FOR HIMSELF FOR 13 YEARS, YOU OLD MONKEY?!**" Kushina yelled, giving Hiruzen a hard kick to the groin. Hiruzen clutched his family jewels and slumped to the ground in pain.

"The Councils...They kept ignoring my orders and stopping any attempts to help him...That is...until Jinso-sama arrived and adopted him..." He wheezed out as best he could. Jinso decided to continue what Hiruzen was saying.

"We did all the paperwork in secret so the Councils couldn't do a thing about it and I've been keeping Naruto well-trained, fed, and safe ever since." The choconette told her in a casual manner.

"Though, if you want to know the full story, we need to talk in private." He then said with a serious look in his eyes. The choconette's attention was immediately taken from the redhead, however, as he sensed a ROOT spy moving to report back to Danzo. Jinso narrowed his eyes and let out a snarl.

"Onii-san, what is it?" Naruto asked in a curious voice. Jinso turned to face the others.

"It's that scumbag, Danzo. He sent a ROOT operative to spy on us, and now that operative is gonna report back to him that Kushina is not in a coma anymore." He replied angrily. Jinso then folded his arms across his lean chest and let out a huff.

"There isn't a doubt in my mind that he'll tell the Civilian Council and then they'll request a 'meeting' to try and make an excuse to do something that'll create an amount of political red tape the size of Tsunade's gambling debt." Hiruzen scowled.

"It seems they haven't learned from the previous one we had just two hours ago." The Sarutobi remarked.

"Jinso-sama, you have my full permission to kill anyone you find the need to kill." Hiruzen said to the choconette. Jinso let a malicious smirk cross his features.

"Good...I've been feeling a bit edgy lately, and I do know someone who has been _dying_ to spill the blood of those arrogant bigots..." He said as he looked at the sky.

"Time to call in a favor." Jinso said cryptically just before he teleported to an unknown location. The other three humans and one kitsune were all silent for a moment until Kushina spoke up.

"Well, my sochi, I guess I should take you to your room now, ne?" She asked Naruto, who grinned happily and nodded in response.

**Unknown Location**

Jinso was standing in a shadowy room with crimson walls. The very walls themselves had been covered in the blood of many corrupt people, and all the blood had permanently stained them. The building was extremely old, and had not been inhabited by any humans for several thousand years. The key word in that sentence being _humans_.

"So...you've finally come to seek me out..." A deep, masculine voice said from the shadows. Jinso grinned.

"I see you've been counting all this time. Feels good to know that somebody actually cares about whenever they meet up with me." He replied. A fanged grin mimicked the choconette's own from inside the shadows of the crimson room.

"Likewise." The voice said. A brief flash of moonlight illuminated a solitary pair of orange shades that hid blood red eyes behind them. The owner of said eyes was sitting cross-legged in midair, and he was tethered to the spot by glowing silver chains.

"It's been many years since anyone has visited this place...The last to ever come here was brutally slaughtered after attempting to kill me in self-righteousness...Even though the idiot couldn't kill me, he managed to trap me here with blessed chains that would literally peel the flesh from my pale skin if I attempted to break them..." The shadowy figure continued. Jinso smirked at them.

"So you have been trapped in this dusty old basement ever since, is that it?" He asked.

"Indeed...It appears that these chains cannot be broken by anything short of a god's power. How ironic..." The person replied with an echoing chuckle. Jinso raised one eyebrow.

"Is that so? What if I told you I could sever these chains for a certain price?" Jinso asked. The figure remained silent for a minute or so before giving their reply.

"I'd ask if you're actually a god or if you're merely a foolish human who thinks they are one." They told him. Jinso let out a true smile for once.

"Do not belittle me, my hellish friend. I would have to be an utter moron to not recognize that there are a large number of beings in the universe more powerful than humanity, and you are most certainly one of them. True to my word, I am a god, and much like demons, our word has more value than all the various gems and treasures in existence." Jinso told the chained person. Said figure seemed to be contemplating Jinso's offer.

"If your word is indeed true, then do you promise to free me from my bondage in return for something?" He asked the god.

"I swear it on the very immortality that has both blessed and cursed my existence that as soon as our deal is struck, I will sever these chains and grant you the freedom you so seek... All I want in return is for you to serve me and only me." He answered. The figure's grin grew even larger, if that was possible.

"Then you've got yourself a deal." They said to Jinso. The choconette reached out and shook a gloved hand. Jinso then grabbed his sword and swung it two times before placing the golden katana in its sheath. The chains seemed to freeze up before exploding in a shower of metal links. The figure unfolded their legs and stood upon the solid ground once more.

The person who had been trapped immediately kneeled down and said,

"Thank you...my master..." Jinso grinned.

"Get up. I don't want a mindless servant; I want a loyal ally who will stand by me in combat." The kneeling figure grinned in response and got up.

"I think I like you already." They said. Jinso looked the person straight in the eyes and offered a hand out.

"Same here...Alucard..." Alucard grasped Jinso's hand firmly.

"Now, then...I believe you've been out of practice for a while, correct?" Alucard smirked.

"What do you have in mind?" The sadistic vampire asked him.

"I think you'll like this assignment quite a bit. I need you to come with me and help take care of about 50 arrogant bigots or so. Feel up for it?" The No-Life King gave Jinso a fanged grin and asked a question in response.

"Do vampires consume blood?"

**IT'S OVER 9,000!**

**...**

**Words, that is! That's the end of Chapter 7, people! Bet none of you guys saw me reviving Kushina or Alucard being brought into the story, now did ya? Well, anyways, tune in next time to see just what happens when Jinso and Alucard arrive at the Council Meeting!**

**Ja ne!**

**-Jinso Kitsune-kun**


	8. Cleaning up Shop and Chunin Exams

**Jinso Kitsune-kun: Hello everyone! I was too lazy to narrate this myself, so I hired chuggaaconroy to introduce the chapter instead! (Not really)**

**chuggaaconroy: Hey everybody, it's chuggaaconroy! Welcome back to more Disciple of the Elder God! In the last chapter, Naruto found out that his mother was actually alive, and that Danzo, the secret leader of the ROOT organization had kept her in a coma in order to brainwash her, which was NOT a smart move on his part! And in this chapter, Jinso and Alucard are going to be crashing a Council Meeting! Sounds like fun!**

**Jinso Kitsune-kun: Also, in response to JLWafflezBrony, I did not mean to type homophobic! I use Microsoft Word to type these chapters, and I guess I ended up hitting the wrong letter on my keyboard or misspelling something, so it changed it to 'homophobic'. Sorry about that mistake!**

Chapter 8- Cleaning up Shop and Chunin Exams

THE WHEEL OF FATE IS TURNING!

CHAPTER 8! **ACTION!**

**Back in the Bitching Roo-er, the Council Meeting Hall...Room...Place...FUCK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO CALL IT! YOU GOT THE DAMN MEANING, THOUGH!**

"Hokage-sama, we of the Civilian Council have heard a very interesting piece of information from our fellow councilor, Danzo, and would like to know if it is true or not." A generic Civilian Councilman said to Hiruzen. (I'm not really going to bother naming many of them, as I find it too bothersome to name people who will probably get killed off before an idea for their name pops into my head.)

"And what would that piece of information _be_, exactly?" Hiruzen asked back, narrowing his eyes at Danzo.

"THAT BITCH, KUSHINA IS STILL ALIVE! I'M GOING TO KILL HER THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER!" Sakura's mother, who had spots of monkey feces all over her clothing, screamed with a twitching eye. Everyone in the room gasped.

"Is that true, Hokage-sama? Is Kushina still alive?" Tsume asked, worried for her childhood friend. Hiruzen nodded.

"She is. I personally ordered one of the village's more _special_ shinobi to find Kushina and get her back to normal." The Hokage replied.

"Pardon my interruption, Hokage-sama, but you said that you ordered that specific shinobi to _get her back to normal_. Was there something wrong with Kushina-sama?" Shibi questioned in monotone. Hiruzen nodded once more.

"It seems that Kushina had been forced into a temporary coma and held in the restricted section of the hospital. When I found out, I ordered the shinobi I spoke of earlier to rescue her and get her out of the coma." Many of the people there gasped again in shock. Tsume then began growling in anger.

"That bitch deserved it for what she did to me! I feel like personally thanking whoever did that to her!" Sakura's mother exclaimed, making many openly glare at her.

"I would not say that in front of the Uzumaki clan head if I were you, Haruno-san." Shibi advised. The pink-haired woman folded her arms across her flat-as-the-dirt chest.

"Who cares what that brat thinks? He can't do a thing to me! Isn't that right, you little shit?" Everyone looked at the spot where Jinso should have been to see the Uzumaki Clan Head's chair had been replaced by a much larger one, and was turned with its back facing the others.

"HEY! FACE ME, YOU LITTLE DEMON-LOVING PUNK! I DEMAND YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M SPEAKING TO YOU!" Sakura's mother shrieked. The chair swiveled around to reveal not Jinso, but an angry Kushina who had an aura of pure death around her that would make the Shinigami herself cry like a frightened little girl who just had a nightmare.

"I'm sorry, but my fellow clan member stepped down earlier today in order to let me claim my rightful place as the Uzumaki Clan Head." Kushina said in a sickly sweet voice.

"KUSHINA-SAMA!" All of the civilians shouted. Kushina stood up. One foolish council member spoke out in hope to her.

"Kushina-sama, you're alive! Maybe now you can kill the demon that has been ruining your clan's name!" He shouted. Kushina tapped a finger to her chin.

"And who would this _demon_ be?" She asked in a voice that the other Clan Heads knew all too well. It was the voice she spoke with whenever someone had greatly angered her, and she was about to hang them from the roof of their house by their own small intestine.

"UZUMAKI NARUTO!" Most of the civilians chorused as though they had been practicing. The ones who liked Naruto simply glared at their fellow council members.

"Really, so he's an Uzumaki just like me? Maybe I should go meet him sometime..." Kushina asked in an innocent tone. Tsume Inuzuka tried to reach out to her childhood friend.

"Kushina, don't listen to them! That boy is not a demon at all! He's the bravest and most loyal little gaki I've ever seen! Hell, if those idiots over there hadn't stopped me, I'd have adopted the pup into my clan a long time ago!" The proud Inuzuka woman shouted. Kushina suddenly giggled, making everyone freeze.

"I knew that! He's my only son, after all!" Her seemingly bubbly expression then turned dark and malicious.

"And for that, you dumb civilians are going to die'ttebane..." Kushina was about to reach for her prized ANBU katana when a familiar voice called out from the shadows.

"Hold that thought for a moment, Kushina-okaasan." Jinso said, walking directly out of a shadowy corner.

"WHY ARE _YOU_ HERE?!" Sakura's mother yelled. Jinso spared a momentary glance at the pink-haired banshee before looking back at Kushina.

"Okaa-san, if you would allow me, I will kill these foolish bigots and prevent their corrupt and polluted blood from dishonoring you clothes, which, might I add, they are not worthy of ever having their blood stain. May I do that for you?" The choconette asked. Kushina tapped her taut chin with her index finger once more.

"Hmm...Go ahead-dattebane!" Jinso grinned and gave nod before he then turned to everyone else.

"Before I start the bloodbath, I have a question for you all... Tell me, has anyone here heard the story of _Count Dracula_?" This gained him mostly confused looks, except from, surprisingly, Shikaku Nara, who looked shocked. Jinso directed his eyes right at Shikaku.

"Ah, it seems that Shikaku-san has indeed heard that old tale. Now, Shikaku-san, would you please regale us with the story of the Count? Or would you rather that I tell the story instead?" Shikaku thought on it for a moment.

"Mendokusei... Just tell the story, J-san. It's too troublesome for me to do it." Jinso's grin seemed to increase at the Nara's response. Or was that just a trick of the light?

"Alright, then... Listen closely, everyone..." The room seemed to immediately darken at his words, putting most of the civilians on edge.

"Long, long ago, even before the Rikudo Sennin's time, there was a land known as Transylvania...It was a dark and strange land, where stories of mythical creatures that roamed the land at night were born...There lived a man there by the name of Count Dracula, who lived all to his lonesome for many years...The Count was not a normal man; no, he was far from it..." Jinso began in a spine-chilling voice. The choconette moved his right index finger back and forth when he spoke of what the Count was.

"The Count was what was known as a vampire; an unholy, blood-consuming monster of the night that preyed on the weak and the fearful...But Dracula wasn't just ANY vampire! He was the FIRST vampire to ever roam the blanket of the night's darkness! The Count would lure unwitting humans into his manor, and when they were asleep, HE WOULD BITE THEIR NECKS AND FEAST ON THEIR PRECIOUS LIFEBLOOD!" The choconette shouted, frightening many of the civilians into nearly pissing their pants. Jinso cackled maliciously.

"With each bite to a person's neck, the Count would turn humans themselves into ghouls; mindless undead creatures who only obeyed the wishes of their master... When it was found that he was a vampire, the people who lived in the village below Dracula's hilltop manor looked for many ways to kill him...Those methods would work on a modern vampire, whose bloodline would have diminished. But they could not work on the Count, for he was almighty, the perfect immortal! They tried burning his skin with holy water, forcing him out into the sun's light, holding a cross to his face, and various other methods, but none of them worked... And thus, they fell to his blood-soaked fangs and were turned..." Some of the civilians and even some of the shinobi looked around cautiously, as if expecting Dracula to appear behind them and drink their blood.

"Dracula was a master at controlling the shadows and he could make them move as if there existed a soul in their black depths which was a puppet that he controlled... In the village below, children were forbidden from leaving the house at night, and even the adults were fearful of leaving their comforting abodes so as not to run into the Count and end up becoming part of his gruesome undead legion which feasted upon their own former kind... They soaked in the blood of the people they once called family and friend, for their master willed it to be so..." Many of the councilors, both civilian and shinobi, covered their ears and closed their eyes in order to not hear any more of the dark tale Jinso wove.

"Eventually a rumor was spread that Dracula had finally been killed by a traveling professor who drove a wooden stake through the Count's heart... The villagers rejoiced, as it seemed that the wicked and merciless Count had been ended once and for all... Over the years, the legend of Count Dracula faded into obscurity...

However, the tale of Dracula was not lost to humanity... The founder of the Nara Clan, Shikaso I, found a documentation of Dracula's tale sometime after he had been married... Shikaso I was very much interested in Dracula's ability to control the shadows, and sought to recreate that ability for himself. About a year or so before Konoha's founding, Shikaso I managed to achieve his dream and created his future clan's bloodline. Shikaso I then burned all the books and notes he owned on Dracula so that no one else may learn how to recreate that ability...With that, Count Dracula's story had drowned in the sea of time, never to be heard of again..." It seemed as if Jinso was done speaking, but the room had not lit up again.

"Or so it was thought..." The choconette continued, eyes glinting with malicious pleasure.

"Count Dracula did not die, despite what many believed...No; the Count would not go down so easily... Dracula had made his way to another land, where he spent many years amongst the unknowing people... Dracula had adopted a new name...but no one ever learned who the man with that name really was..." As Jinso finished, the room turned back to normal again.

"Now, then...since I have finished my tale, shall we start the fun?" The hidden command echoed throughout the room, making everyone look around. Who was he speaking to?

"Ha! Who are you talking to, _boy_? Some pathetic little friend of yours who you think will _scare_ us?" Sakura's mother sneered at Jinso. The choconette looked the woman directly in the eyes with his own, which had now changed to a DIFFERENT set of colors than when he was mad. Instead, Jinso's eyes were now had irises colored a mix of dark violet and black, like a swirling void of malice directed at her very soul. Giving her a toothy grin, Jinso spoke.

"Oh, trust me...he won't just _scare_ you... No, he'll do much more than that... Terror will be the least of your problems in the minutes to come... And those minutes will also be your last..." Jinso suddenly looked as though a visage of the Shinigami herself was floating behind him.

"Oh, _A-lu-card_..." Jinso called in a sing-song voice. The daunting tone of his words floated throughout the room like an eternal mist that preyed upon fear.

Suddenly, the room darkened as if the sun itself had been covered by something. The air began to feel ice-cold, making many of the people there start shivering. A disembodied voice spoke from what seemed to be every part of the room.

"With the call of my master's voice, I am summoned to deliver the wrath of God himself..." The voice said in a haunting tone, eerily sending a chill down the spines of almost everyone in the room. From the center of the floor, shadows formed a perfect circle, from which a figure dressed in crimson arose into the air. The members of the Civilian Council who had all broken the Third's law stared in fear at the emissary of their death.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!" One of the damned screamed. Alucard literally looked down on them with a condescending smirk.

"Greetings... I am Alucard, loyal ally of the Uzumaki Clan and..." Alucard grinned evilly at them.

"...Personal _executioner_ of J-sama..." The vampire known to many as the 'True Immortal' looked at the set of weaklings who he was to kill.

"I sense great arrogance in your weak little souls... But just behind that arrogance lays a tremendous fear that could only belong to a group of cowards... From what my master has spoken of you, you believe you can play God when in reality; you are but the smallest grains in a bowl of rice..." Sakura's mother's face turned red.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO US THAT WAY! WE ARE THE COUNCIL, AND WE DEMAND THAT YOU GIVE US THE RESPECT THAT WE DESERVE!" She shrieked. Alucard smirked toothily.

"Ah, but I am already doing so, as you are the rotting trash of humanity, and therefore I look down upon you both figuratively and literally. Besides...why should I care who you are if you're just going to die in the next few minutes?" Alucard smirked. The only served to make the pink-haired banshee scream louder.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE; TALKING TO US LIKE THAT?!" Alucard tipped his hat down and covered his red eyes, showing only a fanged grin.

"Your belated death..." He said in a soft voice that yet, spoke volumes of what was to come.

"How do you wish for them to die, my lord?" Alucard asked his master casually as if this was a daily occurrence for him. Jinso closed his eyes in deep thought.

"Let's see... They will NEVER be worth using the Cromwell Invocation in order to eliminate them, so that's out... You definitely don't want to drink their blood; it's equivalent to drinking from a polluted river... And they don't need to learn how to use guns, so execution by a firing squad won't do..." Jinso seemed to think of all the possibilities for another minute or so before having an idea.

"Use the hellhounds; it's messier that way." The choconette finally told him. Everyone besides the two of them seemed to freeze in horror. The main thought running through all of their heads was:

'_Did he just say HELLHOUNDS?!_' Jinso spared a glance at the people who were to die by Alucard's hand.

"Fitting, I suppose, for _messy_ piles of arrogant trash who assume they can run or walk when they haven't even learned to crawl." Jinso then said in a sadistic manner which betrayed his stony expression.

With a single nod to his master, Alucard summoned up five large pentagram symbols on the ground, and from those symbols came five two-headed dogs that had mouths which were dripping with blood. Their twenty crimson eyes (two for each head, and there's ten heads total) narrowed at each of the damned, and the hounds all got ready to pounce.

"Thrash, Grimm, Dimento, Ripper, Mimi..." Alucard said, giving a sort of roll call or each of the hounds. The vampire pointed a single gloved finger at the damned, and then commanded,

"Keisuru..." (Punish) The hounds all let out a unanimous snarl at the condemned and charged them.

What followed would possibly give even the Shinigami the urge to look over her shoulder every second.

**Demonic Realm of Limbo**

"Achoo!" A silver-haired woman of extreme beauty let out a small and cute sneeze. One of the female demonic attendants came over to the woman's desk.

"Are you alright, Shinigami-sama?" The female demon asked. The Shinigami looked at her attendant and smiled.

"I'm fine. Someone must have been talking about me..." The attendant bowed her head and left the Shinigami alone.

"I wonder if it was that hottie, Jinso-sama that was talking about me..." Shinigami said absentmindedly with a wistful sigh. The goddess' multiple attendants all sweatdropped at their boss' not-so-secret admiration towards the chocolate-haired god.

Old crushes were a bitch to kill, indeed.

**The Now Christened With Impure Blood Council Room**

Most of the people there stared in shock at seeing something that would make even Uchiha Itachi turn green in the face before screaming like a little bitch.

"Well, now that I've taken out the foul-smelling trash, shall we be on our way, J-sama, Kushina-sama, Naruto-sama?" Alucard asked the three Uzumakis, who nodded in response. As the two Uzumakis, one god, and one undefeatable vampire were about to get out the door, a question stopped them.

"H-How did you make those hounds appear? Y-You didn't u-use any hand s-seals..." Inoichi questioned with a pale and sweaty face. Alucard grinned at the blonde man.

"That would be telling, and all my secrets lie in the grave. However, I _can_ tell you something of valued importance; take a good look at my name and then reverse all the letters." The Trump Card of Hellsing told Inoichi, pointing to a nearby wall. And on that very wall was Alucard's name written in the blood of a dead councilman, whose head lay on the ground below it. As the four walked away, realization kicked in, causing many to gape in fear.

"Something tells me we shouldn't piss off anyone from the Uzumaki Clan..." Tsume stated bluntly.

**One Week Later**

Naruto was walking down one of the streets in Konoha, chatting with Sasuke and Hinata about various things. Alucard had been assigned by Jinso to watch over the young Uzumaki in case anyone tried to do something stupid, but was ordered to stay out of sight in open areas so as not to freak the public out. So, the vampire had hidden himself in the shadows and was slinking along beside Naruto.

The blonde himself was bare-chested and wore black ANBU pants and gloves. The tanto Jinso had given him was held in a sheath on his back, and Megumi walked right beside him. His unruly golden hair had grown a bit longer, and now reached the nape of his neck.

Hinata was now more confident after seeing Naruto get so pissed at Gato's threat to rape her on the Wave mission, and was able to flaunt what she had. The bluenette now wore black stiletto heels, a lacy black skirt with fringes, a lacy top that barely held her impressive bust under its confines, and black leather elbow gloves that complimented her looks.

(Shinobu's outfit from No More Heroes and No More Heroes 2)

Sasuke was wearing his father's old ANBU clothes, complete with the Uchiha clan crest on the vest's back and metal bracers. He had been learning a bit of kenjutsu from Naruto's brother, and now carried a ninja-to in a sheath on his back.

Suddenly, the three of them heard a shout.

"HEY! LEMME GO!" The trio immediately began running towards the origin of the yell. A kid who was wearing a black cat-suit and had purple makeup on his face was holding Konohamaru by the scruff of his neck. The young Sarutobi's teammates, Moegi and Udon, were trying to help him.

"No way, kid! You bumped into me, and now I'm pissed off!" The catsuit-wearing boy said.

"Put him down, Kankuro. We don't want to get the ANBU on our tails!" A female voice scolded him. A blonde-haired girl with four pigtails was standing beside the boy in the catsuit. She had a long metal object strapped to her back. Both of them had Suna hitai-ates on their persons.

"Master Naruto, would you like me to disable the one in the black suit for you?" Alucard asked the blonde as he materialized from the shadows. Sasuke and Hinata had met with Alucard in person one day when they were invited to the Namikaze Mansion, so it did not surprise them whenever the crimson-wearing vampire would appear from the shadows.

"_Thank you for offering, 'Luc, but they're actually friends of mine. Just stay hidden unless I say the code word 'Integra', ok?_" Naruto whispered to the vampire. Alucard nodded at the young Uzumaki before vanishing into the shadows. Naruto had given him the nickname "Luc" as a way to shorten his name and as a sort of affectionate term like one would call their uncle.

'_It was most ingenious of Jinso-sama to use my former master's name as a code word... But then again, that is to be expected of him..._' Alucard thought as he remained hidden. Naruto then nodded to his teammates, and the three of them disappeared in puffs of smoke. Suddenly, a kunai passed by the now identified Kankuro's head and buried itself in the wall.

"Put the kid down _now_." Sasuke said from atop a tree branch, spinning another kunai on his pinky finger with his Sharingan active. There were three tomoe in each blood-red eye, meaning that Sasuke had fully mastered it.

'_I really should thank Naruto's older brother sometime for helping me master my Sharingan._' The two Suna-nins looked up at the Uchiha Heir.

'_Whoa, who's the hottie?_' Temari said in her mind.

"Make me." Kankuro retorted. Suddenly, Kankuro found the cold steel of a longsword biting into his neck. His eyes trailed across the blade and towards Naruto, who had a cold look in his eyes. Temari had her arms forced behind her back by Hinata, who also put a kunai to her neck.

"Generally, I'd accept any offer to kick someone's ass six ways to Sunday, but I don't want to make my girlfriend hurt your sister, Kankuro, so you might want to put the Hokage's grandson down before things get ugly." Naruto told him, barely pressing the tanto further. Temari's eyes widened.

'_IS THAT NARUTO?!_'

"S-Sorry, Naruto! That kid bumped into me, and—"

"Kankuro, just shut up and spare yourself the disgrace." A whispery voice said. Naruto turned to see a certain redheaded Ichibi jinchuriki standing on a tree branch beside Sasuke.

"Hey, Gaara! What's new?" The redhead disappeared in a swirl of sand and then reappeared right next to Naruto.

"Not much. Kankuro still needs more common sense." Gaara joked. If one had looked closely, they could've seen the corners of his mouth just barely twitch upwards as he spoke.

"That and he needs to stop wearing Temari's makeup." Naruto replied. Kankuro glared at the jib to his masculinity.

"IT'S WAR PAINT, GODDAMMIT!" The puppet user shouted with steam blowing from his ears. Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, really? Then why do I see a tube of purple lipstick in your pocket with 'Property of Sabaku no Temari; do not touch! This means YOU, Kankuro!' written on it in permanent ink?" The blonde asked. Everyone looked down to see that there was indeed a stick of purple lip gloss in his pocket. Temari narrowed her eyes.

"Temari just asked me to hold onto it for her, okay?!" Kankuro quickly replied with a tic mark on his forehead. Suddenly, the catsuit-wearing boy was bonked on the head by Temari, who shouted,

"I did not! Now give me back my lipstick!" As Kankuro fell to the ground, the tube of lipstick flew from his pocket and into Temari's waiting hand. Naruto then smirked.

"Told you it was her's. That makes me wonder... If you knew it was lipstick, then why would you wear it? Does that mean you're just secretly gay and afraid to come out of the closet?" The blonde asked Kankuro, who immediately turned red with steam blowing from his ears.

"I'M NOT GAY! I'M STRAIGHT, YOU HEAR?!" The puppet user yelled at Naruto.

"Whatever helps you stay in the closet just a little longer, Makeup Boy. While you're at it, why don't you get your right ear pierced and go on over to the gay bar with your dolls to be with the other _flamboyant_ men in Konoha?" He retorted. Kankuro gritted his teeth in anger while everyone else was laughing at the puppet-using boy's expense.

"THAT'S IT! C'MERE, YOU FRIGGING PUNK!" Kankuro shouted and he charged Naruto, clenching his fists. But suddenly, Kankuro had his arms held painfully behind his back with a pair of fangs near his neck.

"You will not take another step towards Master Naruto, or I can ensure that your blood will cover this entire alleyway..." Alucard warned in an angry voice. If there was one thing you could always be sure of with Alucard, it was that he did not take attacks on his master's life quite well. Gaara and Temari were taken aback by this menacing newcomer, and could not speak out of utter surprise.

"N-Naruto...A little help, here!" Kankuro begged as beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.

"Alucard, please set the crossdresser down on the ground. He was only mad because I rightfully questioned whether or not he should keep his man card due to the fact that he plays with dolls and wears makeup." Alucard took his fangs away from Kankuro's neck and threw the boy on the ground. Naruto gestured to Gaara and Temari.

"Alucard, these are my friends, Gaara and Temari." Alucard gave the two of them a bow.

"It is a pleasure to have your acquaintance, Lord Gaara, Lady Temari. Any friend of Master Naruto's is considered royalty to me." Temari's face turned light red at being called 'Lady'. Naruto grinned and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Don't worry about the whole 'Lord and Lady' thing. That's just 'Luc's way of respecting people." The blonde told them.

"Ne, Naruto..." Sasuke's voice called out. Naruto looked up at his teammate with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah?" The blonde asked him.

"How do you know those three Suna-nin? Hinata and I have never seen you with them before, and you've never talked to us about them, either." Naruto grinned.

"Remember back when we were in the Academy and I was absent for a few months?"

"I do. When you came back, you said that you and your older brother went on a special vacation of sorts and that you had a lot of fun. What of it?"

"Well, the vacation part was only half the truth. Onii-san took me all around the Elemental Nations during that time, and near the beginning, we arrived in Suna. There, I met Gaara, Temari, and the crossdresser, and we all got know each other better." Naruto explained, causing the Uchiha Heir to nod. The blonde jinchuriki then turned back to the Suna Siblings. Hinata had already stepped away from Temari, and was thinking something else.

'_That Suna hussy better not be thinking of stealing Naruto-kun._'

"So are you guys here for the Chunin Exams?" Gaara nodded, which earned the Ichibi jinchuriki a smirk from Naruto.

"Good; I still want to fight you at some point, Gaara." Naruto said before grasping Gaara's hand and then walking away.

**Timeskip: One Month**

Team 7 was meeting at their normal Training Grounds, waiting for their lazy and perverted sensei to show up.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got lost on the road of life!" Kakashi said when he strolled into the training ground.

"Cut the crap, sensei and give us the forms for the Chunin Exams." Naruto abruptly said, surprising Kakashi.

"How did you know about that?"

"Do you remember just _who_ the hell my older brother is?"

"Ah, right. Well, here you all go. Remember to report to the Academy tomorrow at 8:00 AM." Kakashi then disappeared, making them groan.

"Well, let's all just go home and prepare."

**The Next Day**

Team 7 walked into the doors of the Academy and proceeded to climb the stairs until they reached a door with the numbers '301' on it. A bunch of other chunin hopefuls were standing there, being blocked by two chunin who were beating the shit out of Rock Lee. Sasuke was about to open his mouth, but Naruto covered it and whispered,

"_This is a test... We only went up one flight of stairs, so we're on the second floor. Don't let anyone else know._" Sasuke nodded, after which Naruto took his hand off of the Uchiha heir's mouth and Team 7 proceeded to walk up the stairs and enter the REAL room 301.

The room was filled to the brim with chunin hopefuls from every major and somewhat minor village, and a LOT of them were releasing KI. Ignoring the scene that Sakura and Ino caused with Sasuke, Naruto glared back at those who were glaring and released a shit ton of KI that was powered by Rika's youki.

**With the Team from Kumo**

Yugito began to feel hot in the face as her feline instincts that were obtained from having the Nibi sealed in her were telling her to take Naruto somewhere else and ride him to kingdom come.

'**Oooh, you see that boy, kitten? He contains my old friend Rika-chan inside him.**' Nibi purred.

'_He's a jinchuriki?_'

'**Yes, he is... And he would make a fine mate... Don't you just want to ride his hot body, glistening with sweat and your own juices, howling at the moon as you—**'

'_NIBI!_' The Nibi then laughed as Yugito blushed mentally.

'**Admit it, kitten, you're admiring his body.**' The perverted neko said before resting her head in her paws and falling asleep.

Yugito outwardly blushed, seeing as what her perverted had said was true.

**Back with Naruto**

After a scene with some schmuck named Kabuto (who Naruto didn't really care about) happened, and he was attacked by the group from Oto, a large amount of power began collecting at the front of the room. Suddenly, a massive column of fire that was shaped like a dragon rose from the ground and got everyone's attention.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN BEFORE I MAKE YOU!" A loud and familiar voice yelled. The column of fire evaporated to reveal Jinso in all his glory, with his eyes having gone into 'Fury Mode', as Naruto called it.

The choconette wore a version of Ezio's outfit from Assassin's Creed that had the white parts colored black instead, and had his golden katana hanging in a sheath on his back. The hidden blades that were part of his uniform were thinly laced with a lethal poison which Jinso was immune to. Two silver handguns were stuck in their holsters at the waistline of his pants. On each of those two handguns, half of a motto was etched in Latin. When put together, they would form the words:

_In Bellum, Victoria. In Pacis, Vigilare. In Nex, Vitualamen._(1)

The metal plate of Jinso's hitai-ate had been sewn onto the right sleeve of his outfit by Amaterasu, who didn't want him to have to constantly tie it on and off. All of the genin could clearly see a set of bandages underneath his shirt, near Jinso's left pectoral.

"Oto, there will be no fighting during or before my exam! Otherwise, I'll kick your asses all the way back to your village with Raiton enhanced cleats!" The team from Oto paled and nodded before sitting down with everyone else.

"My name is Jei ('Jei' is the Japanese pronunciation of the letter 'j') Uzumaki, and I am the proctor for the first exam! Each of you will be getting a written test with ten questions on it! You have forty-five minutes to answer the first nine questions, and fifteen to answer the tenth and final one! All of you unfortunate little shits will start off with ten points for this test! If you are caught cheating, you will have two points deducted from your score! Get caught cheating five times, and your ass gets thrown out! If any one person on a team is caught cheating five times, not only will that person get the boot, but their entire team will as well!" The room then erupted into chaos.

"What?! That's bullshit!" A male Kiri genin shouted. Jinso gave the boy a sadistic grin.

"Tough shit, little man. My test, my fucking rules. If I say jump, you say 'how fucking high'. If I say capture the world's largest tiger, you get your hunting gear and haul ass." He replied. The Kiri genin then turned to his teammates.

"Are we still high from that special weed you got, Jacky?" The genin asked his only male teammate. The now identified Jacky shrugged as he laid on his face-down on his arms.

"I know I'm not, Duke. That damn purple groundhog finally left." Jacky replied. Duke frowned.

"Damn... I wish I was high now." Jinso smirked at the kid and tossed him a bag filled with a green substance that the choconette had seemingly pulled out of the mythical hammerspace.

"Here, kid, get yourself high as fuck if you want. Just remember that I'm not responsible for any of the crazy shit you pull off when you go DUI-ing." Duke grinned from ear to ear.

"Fuck yeah!" Duke's female teammate then pouted at him.

"Duke, you shouldn't be getting high during a test. At least wait until you're done before you snort the weed." She scolded. Duke gestured to Jinso.

"Becca, the proctor said it was alright, and the forms didn't say shit about it not being allowed." Becca frowned at Duke.

"Fine, do whatever you want." Jinso then stared at the group with a raised and angry eyebrow.

"Anyone got any questions before we start?" A genin from Iwa raised his hand, and Jinso pointed at him.

"Yeah; how are you the proctor? You're near our age!" Jinso's eyebrow rose even further.

"The moment you all received your hitai-ate, you all became adults in the eyes of law; which means you can smoke your lungs out, you can drink until your _hangover_ has a hangover, and you can fuck a hot chick or hot dude—depending on your gender—until both of you are raw steak down south of the border. Age doesn't count for shit when it comes to this job, so if you think that because someone is younger than you, they're going to lose...You better pack up your stuff and get the fuck out of here, 'cuz this test is only for those who are willing to accept all the responsibilities of being a shinobi. I may look like I'm 16, but my hands have been drenched in more blood than your body could make in the span of a decade. In this world of ninjas, it's either do or die, and you WON'T get a second chance." The choconette told them all in a serious voice, making quite a few of the genin wonder how he was able to change moods so quickly. Jinso took out a pre-made joint that consisted of crushed up pocky and then lit it before speaking once more.

"Any more questions?" One hand came up from a female Kusa genin.

"You, the redhead." Jinso said, pointing to her.

"Why do you have part of your chest covered in bandages?" The redhead asked him. Jinso closed his eyes. The choconette easily remembered where he got the scar underneath the covered part. It was from his old master when he was given his final test, and it was the only other physical memory of him besides his katana.

"I'll answer your question once the test is over... That is, if you manage to pass this test." Jinso looked at all the other chunin hopefuls.

"Anyone else?" One more hand was raised, and it came from an Ame shinobi.

"Yeah?"

"Is that weed?" The genin asked. Jinso took the blunt out of his mouth and held it between two fingers.

"You're half right. There is weed in this, but it's mostly made up of crushed pocky so it doesn't stink up the place. Now, before any of you go bitching to your senseis about how I was smoking a blunt in front of you all, let me tell you something. I put a seal on this specific blunt right now that filters the smoke it makes in order to prevent anyone but myself from getting high off of it for the next hour. The seal activated the moment I lit this blunt, so there's no need to worry." The choconette told them all before taking a drag. The genin had a follow-up question.

"Wouldn't that mean you're high right now?" Jinso smirked.

"How perceptive, gaki. I am indeed high, stoned, smashed, blazed, wasted, baked, crunked, blitzed, trashed, toasted, hammered, fried, buzzed, effed-up, tripping MAJOR balls, and whatever the hell else you want to call it. The reason I'm not acting like a moron is because my perception of reality is far greater than any else in here's. My mind can easily differentiate between 'fact and fiction', as you could call it, so getting stoned is no problem for me. Now then, anyone got any more questions before I have to light another blunt?"

Seeing that no one raised a hand, Jinso continued.

"In that case, I have two more things to say before the test starts. First of all, Alucard, would you please come up here?" A shadowy circle appeared on the floor right next to Jinso, and from it came the crimson-wearing vampire himself.

"This is my good friend Alucard. He will be helping me watch over this portion of the test, and if you thought it was hard before, then this shit just got extreme. Alucard will be making sure that no foul play is going on here. If you do any of the actions I am about to tell you, Alucard will be sending you back to your village in a flaming box. You may not do any of the following: No fighting with other participants, no using underhanded tactics on other participants, no substituting your paper with other participants, and especially no disrespect towards any of the proctors or Alucard himself. Got it?" Seeing nods all around, Jinso continued.

"Now here's the second thing... There will be NO leniency in this test. If you get thrown out, no amount of bitching, or whining, or crying will make me let you back in. Just to show you how serious I am, I want to tell you all something..." Jinso pointed at Naruto.

"See the blonde over there in the middle row?" Everyone looked directly at the blonde.

"That's my little brother. Despite him being family, even he will get the boot if he screws up. That's how serious I am, so you all had better remember that." Jinso then looked at the clock, which was about to turn to the next hour.

"Now then, let the first portion of the Chunin Exams commence!" With that, the sound of pencils scribbling and a blunt being lit filled the room.

**Academy Break Room**

The jounin senseis who had entered their teams into the Exams were lazily chatting about while they waited. Kurenai, Asuma, and Kakashi were sitting in a triangle formation on the seats and talking to each other about things that pertained to the Exams.

"Man, I wish the test wouldn't take so long every time we hold the Chunin Exams... It's so boring just sitting here." Asuma said after taking a drag from his cancer stick. Kakashi nodded his head before flipping a page in his smutty book.

"True... But at least our students have it worse than us." The silver-haired jounin replied. This gained Asuma and Kurenai's interest.

"What do you mean by that, Kakashi?" Asuma asked him. Kakashi flipped another page before he responded.

"You both know how the first test is about taking on the responsibilities of a chunin, right?" Kurenai and Asuma both nodded.

"I heard that originally, Morino Ibiki was going to be the proctor for the first exam, but he stepped down to let someone else do his job. I didn't get to hear who that person was, though." Asuma told them. Kurenai gave them both a look of confusion.

"Who is Morino Ibiki?" The Genjutsu Mistress asked. Asuma took another drag.

"You're a new jounin, Kurenai, so I wouldn't really expect you to know... Morino Ibiki is the head of Konoha's Torture and Interrogation Unit, and a major sadist, too. He's known for being able to break even an ANBU in less than an hour." Kurenai's eyes widened.

"So if he was the original choice for the proctor, then why would he let someone else do it?" She asked. Kakashi looked at Kurenai with a serious expression.

"Ibiki used to be the scariest person to ever exist in Konoha... But believe it or not, there is one person here in the village that would make Ibiki seem like he was afraid of his own shadow..." Asuma and Kurenai both looked shocked.

"Who could be better than Ibiki when it comes to torture?" Asuma questioned. Kakashi flipped a page and then responded,

"You both know my student, Uzumaki Naruto, correct?" The two nodded.

"Ibiki stepped down from the offer to proctor the first exam so Naruto's older brother could do so." Kakashi told them. Asuma's cigarette fell straight out of his fingers and into the ashtray beside him.

"His older brother? But why would he get picked over Ibiki?" Asuma asked the cycloptic jounin. Kakashi closed his porn book and looked them both straight in the eye.

"Remember how Asuma said that Ibiki could break a member of the ANBU in less than an hour? Naruto's older brother broke one in less than _five minutes_." Somehow, everyone in the room heard what he said, which resulted in a silence so thick you could hear an ant whisper.

"F-F-F-FIVE MINUTES?! That shouldn't be possible!" Someone shouted.

"Oh, it's possible, alright." A voice said from the doorway. Everyone looked to see Ibiki himself standing there with a smirk on his face.

"Ibiki-san, are you sure he actually did it in five minutes?! Maybe the clock you were using had something wrong with it!" A female jounin suggested. Ibiki's smirk grew wider.

"He did it in exactly five minutes; not a yoctosecond later or before. I had Anko use an automatic stopwatch to time him, so there's no way it was incorrect." Ibiki folded his arms across his chest and gained a proud look in his eyes.

"That kid's pretty much the best when it comes to mercilessly fucking people up. Hell, he even knows things that I had to take notes on!" The scarred interrogator said to all present. Right then, all of their separate minds had to reboot for a few moments.

"Y-You're not joking, are you? I mean, that seems very unlikely...right?" Someone questioned in a somewhat fearful voice. Ibiki chuckled as he shook his head from side to side.

"I'm as serious as Anko's love of dango is..." Ibiki replied to that person. Letting out a nostalgic sigh, Ibiki continued his train of thought.

"I remember this one time... He was interrogating someone who got caught in drug trafficking... The guy was pretty tough on the outside, but that all up and hauled ass when the poor bastard insulted his little brother. We already got the information out of him, but he wanted to get in the last word. Jei opened the door and asked me to call a janitor. When I asked him why, he told me that he was about to repaint that specific cell crimson. Almost right after Jei closed the door, we heard screams of _pure fucking terror_ from that cell, and they didn't stop for an hour. The one-way glass ended up getting covered with blood, so we didn't know if the moron in there was still alive. When Jei came out of there, and he was covered in blood, mind you, he nearly got jumped by Anko because apparently, she has fetishes for sadists, chocolate, and people with blue-green eyes, among other ones." Ibiki grinned.

"I don't think I've EVER seen that girl any hornier than she was right then, by the way. She damn near tore up the facility trying to get his clothes off of him, though, I don't think Jei would've minded her doing that." Ibiki shrugged before continuing.

"Anyways, I checked on the guy who had been tortured, and what I found even disturbed me a bit." Ibiki took out a cig and a lighter and lit the cancer stick before leaning against the wall.

"What did you find, Ibiki-san?" The female jounin from earlier questioned. Ibiki chuckled.

"If you want to know, I'll tell you... But just remember that it's not my fault if you end up being hemophobic." The scarred interrogator took a drag before speaking.

"What I saw could only be described as...a _living corpse_. A lot of that poor schmuck's flesh had been either peeled off or carved out of his body, along with parts of his muscles. The man was missing one eye, which I found lying in a pool of blood on the ground, and all of his teeth. Half of his tongue had been cut off with heated metal, as suggested by the burn marks on what was left, each of his fingernails and toenails had been pried off slowly and painfully, and he was missing some of his fingers and toes.

His hair had been reduced to several patches with the rest having been pulled out or burned off, and his eyebrows had been shaved off in a sloppy manner on purpose so they kept dripping blood. His ears had been plugged up by ashes from two separate blunts which were then stuck in the crooks of his elbows. The fool had been castrated with a diseased and splintery wooden table leg which was barely sharp, and the kanji for 'God's Wrath' was burned into his forehead. Lastly, the phrase '_Damnatio Specto_' was spelled out on his chest with his lost teeth, which had been stuck in there forcibly. When I asked Jei what 'Damnatio Specto' meant, he told me it was Latin—which is a language that was used a long time ago—for 'damnation awaits'." Ibiki explained, causing many to turn green in the face.

"Was the person still alive?" Kakashi asked. Ibiki took a drag and looked up before speaking.

"Just barely. The poor bastard was hanging on to the last few threads of his life. I almost feel sorry for him." The head of the T&I unit smirked.

"_Almost._"

"Man... I knew that Naruto's older brother could mess people up, but..." Kakashi couldn't even finish his sentence due to the shock. Ibiki nodded in sympathy.

"The kid is like an unwinnable slot machine when it comes to dishing out pain; even if you push all the right buttons on him, you'll still lose. He's got very few of 'em, but the one you never want to push is insulting his little brother. Do that...and you'll _wish_ he had killed you..."

**END OF CHAPTER!**

**I have little challenge for you all; whoever can guess what the Latin words on Jinso's handguns mean in English AND who the motto belongs to first will get their own cameo in the next chapter!**

**Here's a hint; the people who use this motto are 'gray'.**

**Until next time...**

**JA NE!**

***throws down flash bomb***

**- Jinso Kitsune-kun**


	9. End of the First Exam!

**Omake #1 **

Jinso Plays Halo Reach

Everyone's favorite choconette put on a mic and started up his Xbox. Jinso, the god of Chaos, who was named Shōgai (Disorder), Ryu, Jashin, Amaterasu, Kami, Yami, Lady Luck, and Satan had all formed a team so they could play Reach together. Shōgai was someone Jinso had met about a week before he went down to Earth to help Naruto, and the choconette had to admit; the guy was a lot like him in terms of personality! Shōgai looked almost exactly like Cloud Strife, except his hair was brown, he wore a long, tan trench coat like Anko, and he wore a ski cap on his head that had spikes of his already spiky hair poking out of it.

Everyone on the team loved playing the game and showing up all the noobs. If there was one thing they could all put their differences aside for, it was kicking ass in online games. He immediately joined said team, and they were about to start...when a noob messaged him and his team, asking to join.

"What do you think guys? Should we let this fucker join?" Jashin asked. Jinso rolled his eyes and replied,

"Fuck that! Can we go kick ass now?"

"Come on, Jin. Give the kid a chance." Ryu said in a gentle tone.

"For once, I agree with Jin. I don't want a noob on my team!" Satan answered. Shōgai nodded in real life.

"Same here! That's a load of bull fucking shit and you guys know that!" They were about to start bickering when Amaterasu stepped in with a solution.

"Then how about we take a team vote?" She said. They all agreed to vote on it, and then began.

"I say no." –Satan

"No fucking way." –Jinso

"Yes." –Ryu

"Why not?" –Amaterasu

"Hell no." –Jashin

"Sure." –Kami

"Okay." –Yami

"Fuck no!" - Shōgai

The score was 4 votes for no, and 4 votes for yes. That meant the final decision would be made by Lady Luck.

"Alright, L-chan, you're the tiebreaker." Amaterasu said. Everyone waited in anticipation before Lady Luck finally said,

"Let him join." Jinso, Satan, Shōgai, and Jashin all groaned in anger.

"Fine, he can join, but only for this match!" Jinso said, getting an agreement from the others.

The person immediately joined their team, and they went into a match. Jinso's character of choice was Inheritor rank. The moment he entered, the noob was right beside him and Shōgai. Shōgai saw a sniper rifle and immediately headed for it, managing to take the weapon before the noob could.

"Aw, but I wanted the sniper rifle!" They said in an annoying voice, letting them know that the noob was the generic 11 year-old noob that NOBODY wanted to have on their team. Jinso and Shōgai didn't even bother turning their characters around to talk to him.

"So what? It's a frigging gun. Just wait for another rifle to spawn and then grab it." Jinso said before he and Shōgai left to get in position. The noob kept muttering to their self in anger.

"But I wanted the sniper rifle! He's probably not even gonna kill anyone with it! Probably sucks ass at using it..." The noob said to no one in particular. Jinso and Shōgai lined themselves high up on a building and managed to locate someone from the other team. Jinso was watching Shōgai's back while the God of Chaos lined up his shot.

"Alright, just gotta aim and..."

"Hey!" Shōgai was stopped from his planning by the same noob from earlier. He turned his character around and asked,

"What is it?" The noob used their character to gesture to his rifle.

"I want the sniper rifle. Give it." In real life, Jinso and Shōgai's eyebrows twitched.

"Why do you want it so badly? It's a fucking item that spawns every few minutes or so! Just go find one yourself!" Shōgai replied before aiming once more. The noob then tried to teamkill him, but ended up only damaging Shōgai's character.

"Hey man, what the fuck?!"

"Gimme the sniper!" They were both now officially pissed.

"Here, you want the damn rifle?!" Shōgai aimed the sniper at the noob's head.

"Then have it!" Shōgai's character fired a round and then teamkilled the noob, who said,

"Hey, that's not fair! Stop hacking!" Unfortunately for the noob, Jinso was a moderator for Bungie, and Shōgai was the God of Chaos, which meant that you should NEVER piss him off.

"You're a fucking noob. Just because someone kills you in Halo, it doesn't mean they're hacking." The choconette told him. Luckily for Jinso, a hammer spawned right next to him, and then the noob spawned three seconds later.

"Now then... Because you've royally pissed off a moderator, A.K.A me... I have no choice but to BRING DOWN THE BANHAMMER!" Jinso grabbed the hammer and instantly teamkilled the noob before banning him right after.

**Minutes Later, at the End of the Match**

Jinso, Shōgai, and his teammates were in the pregame lobby.

"So, what happened to the kid we let join the match?" Ryu questioned. Shōgai smirked before responding,

"Well... Let's just say that the banhammer is a powerful weapon and leave it at that."

**End Omake**

**Hey there, peoples of the world! My name is Jinso Kitsune-kun, and I'm high! *smokes a blunt***

**Here's a secret: Shōgai was actually a cameo of JLWafflezBrony, who won my little challenge for the words on Jinso's handguns! Congratulations, fellow noob-slayer!**

**So, a quick rant on the latest manga chapters...**

***sigh* What the fuck, Kishi? What the ****_fuck_****?**

**If you haven't read the latest manga chapter, then this will be a huge-ass ****_SPOILER_**** for you!**

****SPOILER ALERT!****

****SPOILER ALERT!****

****SPOILER ALERT!****

**_Apparently_****, Kishi-teme decided it would the greatest idea ever to make the TOBITO (Tobi=Obito) theory ACTUALLY HAPPEN!**

**THAT'S RIGHT; MASASHI MOTHERFUCKING KISHIMOTO MADE TOBI BE REVEALED AS ****OBITO****!**

**Even with the laws of anime physics being in place, I gotta ask; is it possible for Obito to still live after having ****_half_**** of his ENTIRE body crushed by a boulder?**

**To quote joshscorcher (A.K.A: The Fiery Joker) of Youtube...**

**Well, what the hell do ****_you_**** think?**

**Honestly, I think Kishimoto just ruined his own anime/manga...****_and_**** that he's been reading ****_WAY_**** too much fanfiction.**

****END OF SPOILER!****

****END OF SPOILER!****

****END OF SPOILER!****

**Anyways, did you liekz the omakez? If you did, then you'll also like the one I have posted at the end of the chapter! Now let's get this chapter started! **

***turns to a subordinate* WHERE THE FUCK'S THE ORGY PARTY I ASKED FOR YESTERDAY?!**

Chapter 9- End of the First Exam!

**Chunin Examination Room**

Naruto looked down at his test.

'_Let's see... What did Nii-san tell me to do when I took the first exam?_' The blonde tapped his chin in thought. Suddenly, his cerulean eyes widened in realization.

'_I remember now! Nii-san said don't worry and to focus on only the tenth question!_' Naruto gained a smirk on his face as he sat back and put his hands behind his head. Hinata, who had been sitting right beside him, gave her boyfriend a confused look.

"Giving up, little bro?" Jinso asked rhetorically.

"Nah. I figure I'll put my chances in the hands of Lady Luck." Naruto replied to his surrogate older brother. Megumi shrunk herself before climbing into the blonde's lap. Naruto then took out a deck of cards.

"Anyways, wanna play a game of poker?" The blonde asked. Jinso grinned before turning to Alucard.

"Take my place for a bit." The vampire nodded in response. Before he walked over to his adopted little brother, the choconette turned and threw a kunai at an Iwa genin that was right in front of said blonde before shouting,

"You're out!" The genin then stood up and glared.

"That's bullshit! You're just doing this 'cuz I'm from Iwa!" Jinso's usual smirk turned in a snarl. His eyes immediately turned into 'Fury Mode' and he walked right over and picked the boy up by the collar of his shirt.

"Listen, gaki... I don't care what fucking village you're from. You screw up, you're out; those are the rules." He growled out. The hidden blade under his arm was dangerously close to the genin's jugular.

"So if _you_ don't like 'em, _bite my tan ass_. I'd be glad to send you back to your village via air mail so go ahead and fuck with me; I _dare_ you. The last guy who did so is still undergoing mental _reconstruction_ from the Yamanaka Clan Head after I beat him within an inch of his life. You want that to happen to you?" The scared genin quickly shook his head from side to side. Jinso grinned sadistically at him.

"Good. Now get your pathetic ass out of here!" The choconette then threw the poor kid through the wall and out of the building. Jinso turned to his teammates.

"I'd suggest leaving before the same thing happens to you, too." He advised, causing the other two genin to run out the doors. Jinso looked all around him, seeing that everyone was staring.

"Did I say you all could stop working? Get back to your tests!" Jinso then walked over to Naruto and pulled up the chair that had been occupied by the genin the choconette had thrown out of the building.

**45 Minutes Later**

Jinso glanced at the clock and saw that it was time for the tenth question. He then looked back at their poker game.

"Sorry, little bro, but it's time for the tenth question." Naruto nodded and put away his cards as Jinso walked to the front of the room.

"Everybody, listen up! We have now hit the 45-minute mark, so that means it's time for the tenth and final question!" The choconette announced, gaining the attention of all 78 genin left. He lit one of his special 'pocky blunts' before continuing.

"Here's where your answer counts the most, people, so listen well! It's time for me to introduce what I like to call the 'Chance Time', A.K.A: the tenth question. For this question, you can either choose to take it and stay or decline and leave with your entire team. If you choose not to answer, you forfeit the right to move on in these Exams and must try again next time." He received multiple outbursts at that statement.

"Then of course we're gonna answer the question!" Kiba shouted at him. Jinso gave everyone a toothy, bone-chilling grin before taking another drag. His eyes had now gone into 'Ghoul Mode', as he had labeled it, which meant that they were now a mix of violet and pitch black.

"Now here's the catch; answer correctly, and you move on... However..." Every genin saw a malicious glint in his now violet eyes.

"Should you take the question and give the wrong answer...You will never be allowed to take the Chunin Exams again, and will be stuck as a genin for the rest of your life..." The choconette took a drag from his blunt as everyone started shouting.

"But there're other genin that have taken this multiple times!" Temari shouted. Jinso merely gave her a sadistic grin in response.

"Tough shit. You all just had bad enough luck to have me as the proctor this time."

"Therefore, you have two options laid out before you: Either you decline the question so as not to risk your career on this question and leave...or you take the question and risk the entirety of your career on a single answer."

"Everyone who doesn't want to take the question, please leave the room." About a quarter of the genin had gotten up, forcing their teammates to leave as well. There were now 13 teams left.

"So you guys all wanna take the tenth question, huh? Even though your entire shinobi careers depend on it?" Jinso asked as he now merely took out a stick of pocky and stuck it between his teeth. Giving one last glance at everyone who remained, the choconette nodded his head and took out the pocky from between his jaws.

"...You all pass." Everyone was floored, causing Jinso to chuckle at them.

"Let me explain. The first nine questions of the test were all about information gathering, which is an important aspect of being a chunin. Some of your missions will require you to spy on foreign shinobi. The reason only two points were deducted every time you got caught instead of immediately getting the boot was that those deductions were a reminder to not fuck up. On an espionage mission, you won't get a second chance to spy on your enemies if you're caught, so you have to act like a true ninja; invisible like the wind and quiet as the shadows in which we thrive." The choconette took a bite of his pocky before continuing.

"The tenth question, however, was about the most important aspect of being above the rank of genin: knowing when to risk it on a mission. Taking the wrong chance on a mission could easily lead to the death of not only your teammates, but also yourself, AND the enemy could search your bloody corpse for any important documents or information pertaining to your village.

If you were given a mission to venture into enemy territory, with documents that you were ordered not to look at, and an unknown number of foreign shinobi waiting for you, should you risk it? Sometimes, you should. But other times, it's best to decline the mission if you're given bad information." Jinso held the pocky stick between two fingers before looking around.

"Who was it that asked about my bandages again?" Spying the redhead from before he nodded.

"Ah, yes. It was you who asked about them. As I said, I will tell you how what lies under them." Jinso took off his shirt and then slowly unwrapped the bandages, revealing a scar that went the entire length of his left pectoral diagonally. The scar had already healed the most it could, but some parts of it had a sickly green tint to them.

"This scar right here; it's the result of bad information. Bad information will get you captured and interrogated for all you know, and praying to Kami, Yami, Jashin, or whoever the fuck you worship won't help in the slightest.

At the age of 10, I was accepted to be the apprentice of one of the greatest warriors in the world. Most of you may think that's a load of bull, but that's only because he was never documented by your Academy textbooks. To most of the world, he never even _existed_. During my time with him, I worked as a freelance assassin, taking the highest paying jobs and forging my existence in blood. I was called...The Dead Man's Shadow..."

_Flashback_

_A figure dressed in all black moved silently down the streets of ancient Venice. As his dark clothing lightly brushed the stone road, all passersby moved out of his way. It may have seemed strange to any outsiders, but every single person in Venice had a good reason for it; that lone figure was 'The Dead Man's Shadow'. Parents used tales of him to get their children to go to sleep at night, and the parents themselves were afraid. The figure may have been the size of a teenager, but everyone knew of his abilities._

_The Dead Man's Shadow went after only one target at a time, but no one knew who, how, or when he was going to strike. A dark cowl hid his face from the rest of the world, so the only people in Venice besides himself and his teacher who knew what he really looked like were all dead. Not that anyone in the city would learn of who The Shadow really was. After all...dead men tell no tales..._

_As he walked through the city, a single cry rang out, accompanied by the ring of a funeral bell._

_"Morto che cammina!"_

_Dead man walking..._

_ Under his hood, The Shadow smirked. Due to the fact that someone died after every time he was seen walking down the streets of Venice, and the fact that he seemed to disappear afterwards, they decided to call him 'The Dead Man's Shadow'._

_You know the phrase 'dead man walking'? Do you know what it means?_

_The old phrase 'dead man walking' is used to describe the scenario of a man who had been to sentenced to hanging as he walked towards the gallows. As the man who was sentenced walked along the road, various people would cry out 'Dead man walking!' either in pity for him or in anticipation of justice being done. They would continue saying that phrase until he arrived at the noose which would end his life._

_Another ring echoed throughout the city._

_"Morto che cammina!" The Shadow was almost at his target. The man he had been assigned to kill was hiding in an alleyway under a box. It had become a sort of tradition among the people of Venice for all but one person to remain utterly silent whenever The Shadow walked among the streets. The one person who was not forced to stay quiet would ring a funerary bell for the soon deceased, shouting 'dead man walking' in the native language. The Shadow turned into the alleyway and stopped in front of the box. He reached a hand into his black cloak and pulled out a Spanish revolver before pointing it directly at the box._

**_Gong_**

_"Morto che cammina!"_

_In a smooth accent, the Shadow whispered,_

_"In the next life...may you find peace." With those words, a solemn gunshot echoed all throughout Venice. A final tone of the funerary bell let everyone know..._

_It let them know...that The Dead Man's Shadow had finished his job._

_End Flashback_

"There was one particular mission I was hired for, and I had been given false information. This scar was given to me by a man with a large zanbato that was coated in a highly fatal poison. Luckily for me, my training had built up an immunity to poison, so that shit was about the same as scalding hot coffee, and I didn't die. But the poison had cauterized the scar, preventing it from fully healing. That is why taking a risk is the biggest part of being a chunin. So you don't want to—" Suddenly, a purple blur and a white blur crashed into the room through a window. The white blur ended up hitting Jinso and knocking him (and itself) into the wall, while the purple blur landed on the desk, turning out to be one Mitarashi Anko.

"Goddammit, Anko! Next time you crash in through the window, AIM! You just ruined my badass story about how I was a merciless assassin!" Jinso shouted with a shaking fist as he held Amaterasu bridal style. The choconette then picked his lover up and set her on two feet.

"Hey, maggots! I'm Mitarashi Anko, proctor for the second exam!" Anko exclaimed. Amaterasu mock scowled.

"_Co_-proctor, Ms. Fishnets and Stockings!" The white-haired beauty then waved at the genin before jabbing a thumb in her ample chest.

"I'm the other co-proctor, Okami Amaterasu!" Several male genin had spurting nosebleeds at the sight of the two women.

"Oi, you perverted little shits! Stop undressing my girlfriend and the hot sadist with your eyes!" Jinso shouted, pointing to Amaterasu so as to indicate who he meant by 'his girlfriend'. The choconette then pointed to a hole in the wall.

"Now march through that hole and go straight to Training Ground 44 for the start of the kill-off round!" As all the genin got up, Jinso whispered something into Naruto's ear before speaking up once more.

"By the way, my little brother and my girlfriend are gonna be telling me about this round! If they catch you looking at my girl the wrong way, and you don't die in that round, you're going into the third one with a gender change!" As most of the male genin winced and protectively held their crotches, Jinso lit a pocky blunt and laughed while holding it in his mouth. He then took it out from between his teeth and said,

"Life is good..." The choconette took a good look at the clock.

"Eh, might as well go see the other jounin." With that, Jinso disappeared in a flicker.

**Omake #2 **

Jinso's P.S.A

Two boys were pointing and laughing at something.

"Man, that is SO gay!" One of them said. Both of them kept laughing until something caught their attention. A flash of light appeared right next to one of them, turning out to be Jinso.

"Whoa!" The two boys exclaimed. Jinso smirked as he looked at the camera.

"Yeah, it's me; Jinso. I'm here to talk about a serious matter; specifically, using words like 'gay' as an insult." The choconette turned to the boys.

"Using the word 'gay' to insult something may seem like a simple joke to you guys, but it can actually cause someone deep emotional pain if they actually are a homosexual." Jinso scolded with a raised index finger. The two boys listened intently as he spoke.

"What are you names?" asked the Elder God.

"My name is Johnny." The boy nearest to him replied.

"And I'm Phil." Said the other. Jinso nodded.

"So, Phil. Let's say that you were trying to pull off something important, and you failed horribly at it. How would you like it if someone shouted, 'That's so _Phil_'?" Phil frowned.

"I wouldn't like it at all." Jinso smiled.

"If you don't like someone using your name as an insult, don't you think that a gay person wouldn't like it if you used their sexuality as an insult?" Johnny replied to him this time.

"I guess. No one ever told me that it could hurt someone's feelings." The young boy said. Jinso gave him a warm smile as he got on one knee and ruffled the boy's hair.

"It's alright if you didn't know that it was bad beforehand. But now that you know, you have to make sure you don't do it again. Can you promise me that you won't?" Johnny and Phil both smiled back.

"We promise!" They said in unison. Jinso nodded and stood up. Phil then gained a confused look on his face as he glanced back at what they were pointing at.

"But isn't that actually gay?" Jinso raised an eyebrow before looking at what the boy meant. Apparently, they had been pointing at a man sucking another man's dick. Jinso sweatdropped.

"...Yeahhh, that's definitely gay..."

**End Omake**

**Jinso Kitsune-kun: Chuggaa, if you would...**

**Chuggaaconroy: EEEEEND OF CHEEEEE-APTEEER!**

**Jinso: Thank you very much! Now, before I end the chapter, I want to talk about reviews. This hasn't happened much with this story, but it still has.**

**Most, if not ALL, of the authors here on Fanfiction work VERY hard to type these chapters. Authors like me, VFSNAKE, chrisdz, Reign A.G.E, Psuedocode Samurai, Aragon Potter, crossoverpairinglover, and MANY, ****MANY**** others take hours upon hours out of each day to work long and hard on these stories, and to get a two word review saying something like 'good chapter'... It kinds crushes our spirits. Many authors sometimes just completely quit making stories because people don't say what they liked or disliked, or even that they don't get very many reviews. It makes them think questions like,**

'_Does anyone even LIKE my stories?_'

'_I must be terrible at writing... No one ever reviews my chapters..._'

'_Should I quit making stories? Will anyone even care if I do?_'

**These thoughts plague many writers' minds and cause them to quit writing stories with the idea that no one likes their stories AT ALL.**

**From now on, reviews for my story are going to have a guideline. Here it is:**

**1. Tell me what you liked or hated about the chapter.**

**2. (OPTIONAL) If you have an idea, tell me it. There are NO wrong answers.**

**3. If you hated the chapter, tell me why you hated it and what I can do to fix it. If you hated the chapter or this story because of pairings, then kindly fuck off. If you hated the chapter due to any errors in the plot or typing that I may have missed, PLEASE tell me in a review THE MOMENT you notice it!**

**4. If you liked the chapter, tell me why you liked it and what your favorite part was. I love receiving reviews that tell me my work is great, and it really helps me retain the drive to keep working on not only this story, but any others I may produce in the future!**

**Thanks for reading, and I'll see all of you next time!**

**-Jinso Kitsune-kun**


	10. Second Exam and aTimeskip?

**JKK: Hey, everybody! I'm Jinso Kitsune-kun, but you probably already knew that, so welcome to Chapter 10! If you DIDN'T know that...then read my GODDAMN ****_pen name_****! Before we start, I'd like to make an announcement! As of this post, I am going to start writing scenes at the beginning of every chapter. No, they're not omakes, they're just special scenes involving characters in the story, myself, and possibly a few other authors!**

**On the topic of those scenes, I am opening a karaoke and contest bar called 'The Kitsune's Den'! Seeing as how I have ownership of both the name and the idea, I am positioned as manager of the club, and have decided to allow other authors to apply for a job.**

**And on THAT topic, I have already employed a special friend of mine as the head chef of The Kitsune's Den! Please welcome Dutchy Puppy!**

**Dutchy: HEY THERE, SUGAR TITS! Or...whatever I should call you guys!**

**JKK:...First of all, *deadpans* I don't HAVE tits... And second, I would make a comment...but I don't have much room for speaking in the insanity department, now do I? But anyways, I have also employed Naruto, Rika, Jinso, Amaterasu, Sasuke, Hinata, and Kami as waiters and waitresses at my bar!**

**Without further ado, Dutchy, would you please do the disclaimers?**

**Dutchy: Sure thing! Jinso Kitsune-kun does not own the Naruto anime and manga, or any of the original characters from it! If he did, Tobi (JKK REFUSES to call the man behind the mask by his "real" name) would've died by now, Sasuke would've gotten his ass kicked six ways to Sunday, Sakura would have NEVER existed, and Naruto would have a harem!**

"Yo!" –Normal Speech

'_What's up?_' –Thoughts

'**Nothing much.**' –Rika, Demonic Thoughts, or any Inner Persona

"**I'm fucking pissed!**" –Snarling/Furious Speech

"**Why is that?**" –Summoned Creature/Demonic Speech

"**_Kishimoto-baka is fucking up the Naruto anime and manga once more, so he's annoyed by it._**" –Boss Summon

"**_I know! He already fucked it up by overpowering Sasuke and making Naruto keep spouting crap about 'just knowing that he can save Sasuke' and 'fulfilling his promise to Sakura', but now he confirmed the Tobito theory! What the hell?!_**" –Author Speaking

***Insert BGM: Kishimoto is an idiot*** —The part where you go to Youtube, plug in your earbuds/headphones, and listen to some awesome freakin' music while reading this story

Chapter 10- Second Exam and a...Timeskip?

**Jounin Meeting Room**

"The first exam should be done by now. I wonder where Jei-san is?" Asuma asked, taking a drag. On cue, Jinso flickered into existence right next to him.

"Speak of the devil, monkey man." Asuma let out a girly shriek and hopped into Kakashi's arms before the porn-loving jounin dropped him on the ground. That caused even Jinso to stare awkwardly before giving him a sadistic grin.

"Hand over your man card, Sarutobi." Asuma grumbled and took out his wallet before giving Jinso a yellow card with his picture on it. The choconette took out a hole-puncher and put a hole in the third of three circles at the bottom.

"Uh-oh, you got your third strike!" Jinso said, still grinning evilly. He took out a washable Sharpie and crossed out half of a part that said 'Status: Man'. Jinso then scribbled in above the crossed out part, making it now say 'Status: Manbitch'.

"Sorry, _Manbitch_, but it's the rules..." Jinso told the scowling chain smoker. Ibiki gave Asuma a pitiful pat on the back as he walked over to Jinso.

"Alright, Jei, don't ridicule the manbitch just yet. How did the first exam go?" Jinso took a drag of his blunt.

"I effectively got half of the little shits to leave within 30 minutes, and then half of that on the tenth question." Ibiki nodded in appreciation before giving the blunt a questionable look.

"That weed?" Jinso nodded before counting off parts of his answer on his fingers.

"Yeah, it's weed. Don't worry, it's perfectly legal; I grew it myself, and there's crushed pocky mixed in, so it's not 100%." Everyone sweatdropped. Only _he_ would mix weed with pocky. Jinso took out his Ninsung Galaxy S™ (pun on Samsung Galaxy) and looked at the home screen.

"Oh, would you look at the time? I got to go collect a bet from Rasu-chan!" Jinso formed the necessary hand seals for a Hikari Shunshin (Light Body Flicker), but was stopped by Ibiki.

"Aren't you gonna tell us anything else about the first exam?" The scarred jounin asked. Jinso looked at Ibiki like the man had grown two heads.

"Are you mentally deficient?!" Jinso yelled. Everyone was startled by the god's sudden outburst.

"Why in the name of Kami's lucky fuzzy fucking pink dice would I do _that_?!" Ibiki shrugged.

**At Ichiraku Ramen**

"Achoo!"

"Are you okay, Kannouteki-chan?"

"I'm fine, Ayame-nee. Thanks for asking."

**Back in the Teacher's Sanctua-I mean, LOUNGE**

"Thought you might have something interesting to say. What's this bet, anyways?" The choconette let a perverted grin appear on his face.

"I made a bet with my girlfriend that if I could get at least half of the participants out before the 30-minute mark, we would do whatever I wanted tonight." Seeing the look he was getting from some of the women, Jinso held up his hands.

"Hey, it's mutual, alright? I'm not _that_ kind of guy!" Kakashi, being the pervert he was, asked,

"What were you planning, then?" Instead of answering, the choconette's eyes drifted upward and he got a far-off look in his eyes. Jinso then began humming the lyrics to "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" by Journey. Of course, most of the people there recognized the song due to the fact that Jinso hummed it every morning.

The first time they saw the god doing that was one morning when he was seen walking around with his girlfriend who had a limp. When asked about it, the white-haired goddess would blush heavily, get a nosebleed, and then giggle at her boyfriend like she was drunk. Kakashi grinned underneath his mask, and then gave Jinso a questioning look.

"Are you _sure_ you don't want to tell us anything about the first exam?" Jinso broke out of his thoughts before pimp-slapping Kakashi.

"Fuck that shit! I'm getting laid tonight!" The choconette then disappeared via a flash bomb to the ground.

**Training Ground 44**

The moment all the genin arrived at the Forest of Death, Amaterasu's happy demeanor turned into a serious one.

"Everybody, listen up! This is Training Ground 44, also known as The Forest of Death! This is where the kill-off round begins!" Many of the genin went pale at the word 'kill-off'.

"Each of you need to sign these waivers stating that neither Konoha nor the proctors themselves are responsible for your gruesome death should you die during the next 5 days! If you refuse to sign them, you will be sent out with a shoe up your ass!" Anko shouted as she began to pass them around. Naruto smirked as he immediately signed the waiver.

"Forest of Death, eh? This'll be easy as fuck!" The blonde exclaimed. Suddenly, Naruto's acute senses warned him of an incoming kunai. With a grin, the blonde decided to let it cut him. A quick streak of red made itself known on his cheek, accompanied by the tongue of one Mitarashi Anko.

"Mmm...Your blood tastes good, gaki. Too bad hotheads like you usually die within the first day..." Anko joked. Naruto smirked back at the special jounin.

"I remember you saying that I had something much tastier than dango or blood when we were in my room last night, Anko-chan. Was that a lie?" Most of the people there, especially the blonde's teammates, gawked at him. Amaterasu covered her mouth and let out a small giggle. A blush lit up Anko's face like lights on a Christmas tree as Naruto's grin grew bigger. Most of the male genin there all had simultaneous nosebleeds.

Anko then composed herself and said,

"That's enough of that, smartass." Amaterasu suddenly perked up.

'_My Jin-koi senses are tingling! Somewhere in Konoha, my boyfriend is looking extremely sexy! _'

At the Hot Springs, a certain chocolate haired god let out a sneeze.

The white-haired beauty turned to Anko with wide eyes.

"Sorry, Anko-chan, but I gotta go! Something important just came up!" Amaterasu then dashed towards the hot springs, leaving behind a cloud of dust. Anko blinked owlishly before composing herself.

"All right, you shithead little maggots! On your marks...Get set..." Everyone tensed at their gates, ready to head into the Forest of Death. Anko then shrugged, and gave them a shooing motion while saying,

"Meh...get your asses in there..." Most of the genin faceplanted before running inside. Anko then tapped her chin in thought.

"Hmm... Should I stay here and listen to the screams of terror? Or should I go to the Hot Springs?" The purplenette continued tapping her chin for a few more minutes before grinning.

"Hot Springs it is!"

**Hot Springs**

Jinso was suddenly tackled by a white-haired, female ball of energy.

"Rasu-chan, what are you doing in the Men's side?" Jinso asked bewilderedly. Amaterasu had put on a white, two-piece bikini with crimson flame patterns on the bikini top. On the back of the bottom part, the words 'Property of Jei-kun' were written in crimson block letters. The sun goddess giggled before kissing him on the cheek.

"I came to see you, silly!" She replied. Jinso suddenly frowned.

"Although I wish you could stay on this side, it's not Mixed Bathing Day, and I don't want any perverts to see your body. Please go over to the women's side for now..." The choconette said in a down voice. Amaterasu pouted at her lover, as she hated to see the god so put off.

"Fine... I'll see you later, Jin-koi." The white-haired goddess wrapped herself up in a towel before going to the Women's Side.

**10 Minutes Later**

Jinso was startled by someone giggling perversely near him.

"Ehehehe...Such beautiful women..." A certain white-haired Super Pervert intended to say to himself, but ended up speaking it loud enough for Jinso to hear him. Jinso's eyebrow twitched before he walked over to Jiraiya with a fake perverted grin.

"Mind if I take a look?" The choconette asked. Jiraiya gave him a serious face and held it for a moment or two before grinning perversely and nodding. Jinso put his eye up to the peeping hole and looked through. On the other side of the wall, there was Inuzuka Hana, Anko, Amaterasu, two female Chunin, and Yuhi Kurenai.

The god's eyebrow twitched before he looked back at Jiraiya.

"You can have the hole back." Jinso then stepped and the Gama Sennin focused on his "research". When the Sannin thought Jinso wasn't listening, he giggled once more and said to himself,

"That white-haired babe has a great rack! And those red tattoos look exotic, too!" Jiraiya had _intended_ to only speak loud enough for himself to hear it..._buuuut_ he accidentally caused Jinso to hear it as well.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Jinso sucker-punched Jiraiya, forcing the Sannin onto the ground. All the women on the Female's Side covered themselves with towels and came over to see what was happening. What they saw when they got there was a bloody and nearly toothless Jiraiya with two black eyes being repeatedly punched by Jinso, who was sitting on the man's chest.

"What makes you think you can peep on not only my GIRLFRIEND, but SEVERAL other women and GET AWAY with it?! HUH?! ANSWER ME!" Jinso shouted furiously as he kept smacking Jiraiya. The Sannin tried to reply, and was punched before he could answer.

Amaterasu had hearts in her eyes as she watched Jiraiya get a reverse suplex-pile driver combo to the balls that would make all his male great-grandkids feel it in the future.

**In a Distant Period of Time**

"**FUCK!**"

**Back at the Hot Springs**

Jinso grabbed the back of Jiraiya's head and began slamming it repeatedly into the concrete.

"People like you make me sick; using other people to get some kind of sick fucking pleasure or happiness!" The choconette shouted as he broke more and more of Jiraiya's teeth. Jinso then held Jiraiya up above him before slamming him face-first into the ground and running through hand seals and slapping his hand on the ground.

"**KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!**" A dragon as tall as the divider appeared in a puff of smoke. It was covered in glistening chrome scales that looked rainbow in the light.

"**Hey, why'd you summon me ****_here_****, Jei?**" The dragon asked. Jinso pointed to Jiraiya, and said,

"Houkama (Pyromaniac), if you chase this guy around town and maybe burn _part_ of his nutsack off, and I'll get you free chocolate for the next three MONTHS." The dragon's pupils were replaced with chocolate bars before it shouted,

"**BURN, MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!**" A stream of fire hit the Toad Sannin's ass, branding the word 'Pervert' into his ass flesh for all eternity, and sent him flying into the air with a cry of pain, after which, Jiraiya promptly fled the scene and ran all around town. The women and one god all heard shouts of,

"**GET BACK HERE, SHITHEAD! I'M GETTING PAID IN CHOCOLATE FOR THIS!**"

They also heard cries of,

"NO! I WANT TO STAY A MAN, DAMMIT!" Jiraiya then appeared back at the hot springs and hid behind Jinso, shouting,

"SAVE ME!" Houkama then appeared with angry chocolate bars in his eyes. (WTF was I thinking when I typed that?!)

"Houkama, stop for a second." The chrome-scaled dragon scowled at Jinso before lying down on the ground. Jinso held Jiraiya up by the scruff of his collar and glared directly into the Gama Sannin's eyes. The choconette's normally calm seawater-colored eyes had gone directly into **Fury Mode**.

"Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't cut off your dick, bronze it, and hang it on my mantle for peeping on my girlfriend and these other women?" said Jinso to the perverted Sannin. All the women who had been on the other side (yes, even KURENAI) started cheering for him to castrate the Super Pervert. Jiraiya held up a Limited-Edition Gold Cover Icha Icha Tactics that was autographed.

"I-I'll give you some of my b-books..." Jiraiya pleaded as sweat rolled down his neck and face. Jinso looked at the book filled with smut and seemed to be contemplating it, which made Jiraiya become hopeful. But that hope was shot to hell when the choconette's eyes focused back on the Sannin with a harsher glare than before.

"Houkama, burn the book." Jinso said coldly. The chrome-scaled dragon raised his snout and blew out a stream of fire that completely obliterated the smutty piece of fiction. A sadistic grin crossed Jinso's face.

"Sorry, Ero-sennin... But that answer was incorrect!" Jinso threw Jiraiya high into the air and readied a leg as the white-haired Sannin fell downwards.

***insert homerun sound effect from Super Smash Bros***

Jiraiya went flying across the sky of Konoha with a kick to the balls via Air Chocolate Nutcracker. All around the village, and even in the Forest of Death (where the 2nd round had just started), every single person, animal, living being/object heard a high-pitched squeal of,

"**FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUU**—"

Jinso covered his eyes from the sun with one hand and looked before stating,

"Looks like Team Rocket's got some competition..." The choconette turned around to see 3 white scorecards being held up (in their respective order) by Amaterasu, who gave a perfect **10**, Anko, who also gave a **10**, and Houkama, who gave a **01**. Jinso then scowled at Houkama, who, realizing his mistake, flipped the scorecard around, and made it now say **10**.

**Forest of Death**

"What the hell was wrong with that team from Ame?! You don't attack a man when he's taking a piss—it's strict man law!" exclaimed Naruto, throwing his hands up in the air out of exasperation. Hinata put a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"It's alright, Naruto-kun. At least you got your revenge on them." The Hyuuga Heiress told him. Naruto grinned evilly.

"Yeah...I think Megumi enjoyed taking a bite of their flesh..."

Team 7 continued walking through the Forest for a couple more minutes until a large gust of wind sent Naruto and Megumi flying.

"SONOVABIIIIIIIIITCH!" Naruto cried out as he flew through the air. As the blonde crashed down to Earth about a mile away, one of the genin from Kusa appeared before them.

"Hello, Sasuke-kun... Would you like to play a game?" The genin was suddenly sucker-punched by a furious Naruto, who shouted,

"THAT'S JIGSAW'S LINE, NOT YOUR'S, OROCHI-PEDO!" Sasuke and Hinata both sweatdropped at the blonde.

'_Note to self: Never copy anyone from a movie while in front of Naruto._' Thought Sasuke. Naruto's teammates then blanched.

"OROCHIMARU?!"

**Hot Springs**

Jinso suddenly snapped his head up.

"I sense a disturbance in the Anti-Pedo Force! Rasu-chan, Naruto's being attacked by a pale-faced, little boy molester!" The choconette and his white-haired lover changed their clothing in the span of 2 yoctoseconds before making their way to the Forest of Death.

**Forest of Death**

Orochimaru's flying form was suddenly stabbed through the heart by a golden katana.

"DIE, PEDOPHILE!" Jinso shouted as he chopped off Orochimaru's head. Once the choconette wiped his blade clean, he noticed the looks Team 7 was giving him.

"If you're wondering, I noticed that that fucker was gonna be a huge pain in the arse later on, so I decided to get rid of him right away." Jinso explained nonchalantly. Suddenly, the three genin saw him looking at the sky absentmindedly while pressing two fingers to his ear. Jinso nodded, and said,

"Uhuh...Got it; I'll be there right away." He took his fingers away from his ear and reached into the pocket of Orochimaru's corpse before pulling out a scroll. The choconette tossed it to Hinata.

"Little bro, I've gotta go away for a while. Something came up and it requires my full attention, so I wish you good luck." Said Jinso with a sad smile. Naruto nodded and replied,

"Got it, Nii-san! I'll make you proud!" Jinso then gave his surrogate little brother a quick hug before taking Amaterasu's hand and teleporting away.

**Heaven; Threat Detection and Prevention Center**

Jinso and Amaterasu appeared before a group of angels who bowed to them.

"What's up?" The angel at the front of the group raised her head.

"My Lord, we've been detecting a strong amount of dark energy on the planet Earth for the past week or so, and have been sending teams of angels to deal with it. However, none of the teams have reported back, and sending more will weaken our forces. What should we do?" She asked. Jinso closed his eyes in deep thought. A silence filled the room for the next few minutes before he opened them and grinned.

"Lady Amaterasu and I will deal with this ourselves. She and I are easily capable of dealing with whatever comes our way." The leader nodded her head.

"We are very grateful, Lord Jinso. We have discovered that the dark energy is being produced by multiple beings, but they all are in the same area; a town known as Karakura." Jinso grinned at her.

"Thanks for the information. Lady Amaterasu and I will head there now." After giving a bow to the group of angels, the couple warped to Earth.

**Near Karakura High**

Jinso and Amaterasu walked towards Karakura High, dressed in outfits that fit the school's dress code. Jinso groaned and held his head as they neared the building.

"Not this shit again... I already went through high school before, and I hated the experience!" The choconette muttered under his breath. Amaterasu giggled at her lover's antics.

"Well, at least we're in the same classes together. That makes it all better." Replied the white-haired beauty. Jinso sighed in response.

"Let's just get this over with."

**G-1 Homeroom**

The homeroom period had just begun when a voice came from the...window?

"This G-1's classroom?" All the students present looked to see a brown-haired teen crouching on the windowsill with a beautiful, white-haired girl riding on his back. The male teacher shakily replied,

"Y-Yes." The boy seemed to grin as he stepped inside the classroom and the white-haired girl stepped off of his back.

"Jei, you didn't have to climb in through the window. You could've just knocked on the door and entered." The girl scolded. Jei (Jinso) raised an eyebrow as he folded his arms.

"I could've, Rasu...but it wouldn't have looked as cool." Said the brown-haired teen. Jei and Rasu (Amaterasu) then noticed everyone in the classroom looking at the two of them with wide eyes. They then moved to choose their seats. The couple sat two seats away from each other near the back of the room. Jinso then folded his arms on the desk and placed his head down with a groan.

"You hate it too, huh?" A male voice asked from the choconette's right. Jinso lifted his head up and saw that the owner of the voice was a teenage boy with spiky orange hair.

"Yeah. It's too boring to just sit here all day and do nothing but writing papers and reading textbooks. The only good part is that I can just go home and search this shit on the Web, so I don't have to listen to the teacher drone on and on every fucking minute." Jinso replied with a smirk. The orange-haired boy smirked back before extending his hand.

"Name's Kurosaki Ichigo. What's yours?" Jinso shook the now identified Ichigo's hand before replying,

"Uzumaki Jei. Just transferred here this morning, and I'm already bored out of my fucking skull." Meanwhile, Amaterasu was being greeted by someone else to Ichigo's right and her left.

"I'm Kuchiki Rukia; How do you do?" A girl with short black hair said to Amaterasu. The white-haired girl smiled and replied,

"I'm Okami Rasu. I'm doing fine, thank you for asking." Jinso and Ichigo were practically mirror images of each other; with the both of them having laid their heads down on their desks.

**Timeskip: Lunch Period**

Jinso and Amaterasu decided to join Rukia and Ichigo for lunch outside. The orange-haired shinigami had been packed a PB & J sandwich by his little sister, who Jinso learned was named Yuzu, plus an apple and a Coke. Jinso reached into his brown paper bag and pulled out two large boxes of pocky, and Amaterasu took out a giant leg of meat from a cow. This caused Rukia and Ichigo to both stare at her like she had turned back into her wolf form. The beauty shrugged before replying,

"My parents always joked about how I act like a wolf when I'm hungry or with Jei-kun, and the fact that my surname means either 'wolf' or 'great goddess' really makes it fit." Jinso nodded with a short hum.

"It's true. She does get like a wolf when she's hungry." The choconette replied. The four of them continued eating their lunch until Rukia suddenly pulled out her cell phone and dragged Ichigo away, shouting,

"Sorry, but we have to go!" The choconette and his lover spared a nod at each other before running to catch up with the pair.

When they found the two, Ichigo was dressed in a black kimono with a white hakama and was fighting a massive and ugly creature—that looked like the love child of a crack-junkie bird and a meth-smoking lizard that was shit on at birth and beaten every day with the ugly stick—with a B.F.S. (for those of you who don't know what B.F.S. means, it stands for '**B**ig **F**reaking **S**word'.) The beast kept using one of its hands to try and break Ichigo's guard. Suddenly, the beast's head came up and flew down towards Rukia.

"Rasu-chan, I'll save Rukia! You go help Ichigo!" His white lover nodded as they leapt out and prepared to land into the fray.

'_Shit! I won't be able to block the hit with my katana in time!_'

**With Ichigo and Rukia**

'_I didn't think the Hollow would be this difficult to kill! It's like every Hollow I face is stronger than the ones before it!_' Ichigo shouted in his mind as he struggled to push the massive Hollow's arms back with his sword. The Hollow raised its head and roared, preparing to snack on Rukia.

"RUKIA!"

**Squelch!**

"ARGHH!"

A female scream echoed throughout the area.

The Hollow's mouth was being blocked by a single human body which was dripping with blood.

"*pant* Heh...Can't let you do that, bird shit...(1)*pant*" Jinso calmly stated as he looked up at the massive hollow, his blood dotting the ground. Rukia was so shocked that she had fallen backwards on the ground.

"JEI!" Ichigo shouted at him. Jinso gave the orange-haired boy a heavy smirk as he let out another pant.

"I'm fine, Strawberry. There's no way I'll let this walking, talking pile of bird shit bump me off...*pant*" The Hollow attempted to close its mouth further on the god.

"AGHH! FUCK!" Jinso was forced to his knees as pain racked through his body. The choconette may have been un-killable...but that didn't mean he couldn't feel pain.

"Jei, get out of here! That monster is too tough; attempting to fight it is SUICIDE!" Ichigo yelled back. Jinso grinned.

"*pant* Maybe I have a death wish, then. Besides, *pant* I'd never pass up the chance to kick *pant* to kick some ass!" The choconette replied to him. Jinso kicked it away before he turned and faced the Hollow.

"*pant* You ready to fight, shithead?" He asked. The Hollow seemed to grin.

"**Such high reiryoku...You will taste delicious!**" It screeched.

"*pant* Sorry, pal...but I don't swing that way...*pant* Why don't you go find some of your Hollow fuck buddies down in Hueco Mundo and see if they'll give you anal!" Jinso retorted with a bloodthirsty grin. Rukia stared at the seemingly 16 year-old's ecstatic grin which caused a shiver to go down her spine.

'_That grin... It's just like Kenpachi-taichou's... Who is this boy? And how does he know about Hollows?!_' Rukia asked herself. The Hollow roared in anger.

"**FOOL! I WILL ENJOY DRINKING YOUR LIFEBLOOD AS IT SPRAYS FROM YOUR CORPSE LIKE A FOUNTAIN!**" It screamed, heading straight for Jinso. A large black claw stretched forward and pierced through Jinso's chest. The choconette let out a gasp of pain as the claw went straight through his heart and his neck went limp.

"JEI!"

Ichigo's cry of shock echoed louder than Rukia's had.

"**I told your friend that it was pointless to fight me, and now he's dead! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!**" The Hollow laughed menacingly, shaking with an evil sense of victory. A feeling of dread swept through 2/3 of the people there.

But what came next...surprised everyone.

"Oi, bird shit! *pant* Next time you try to kill something...*pant*...ya might wanna make sure it's dead! Assuming stuff like that could get YOU killed someday!"

The Hollow quickly spun around to see Jinso using his sword as a crutch to get up, blood dripping down its handle and onto the earth.

"**HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?! NO HUMAN COULD'VE EVER SURVIVED THAT ATTACK!**" The choconette grinned and slowly held his katana at his side as it began to glow a bright cyan.

"*pant* I stopped being human a long time ago... Besides...*pant*...I will NEVER die as long as I can protect those I love!" Jinso shouted at the Hollow.

"**THEN THEY WILL SOON FOLLOW YOU TO THE GRAVE!**" Jinso bent his knees slightly and tensed.

"**Houfuku!** (Retribution)" Time seemed to slow as Jinso crossed past the Hollow with a blue streak following him. On the ground, a blue pattern formed, making a ¾ complete circle around the Hollow with two full circles equal length apart on each side of it. The choconette shifted his grip on the katana to his right hand and with a single kickflip off of the brick wall, began bombarding the Hollow with streak after streak of divine energy.

"**AGHHHhhhhHHHHhhHHHH!**" The other three watched in amazement as the Hollow spasmed in pain while blue streaks crossed over its entire body. Discreetly, Amaterasu used **Veil of Mist** at ¼ of its regular power to see what Jinso looked like while doing the attack, but not enough to hamper his fighting.

The choconette was gritting his teeth in rage as he unleashed slash after slash on the Hollow. Its impure blood coated his blade from tip to hilt.

With a final skyward streak (Not a _Skyward Sword_), the Hollow had blood spraying from multiple cuts all over its body as its mask broke in half, causing the Hollow to let out a screech as it was purified and sent to Soul Society. Jinso touched down the moment the Hollow disappeared, landing with one hand on the ground to steady himself.

Covered in his own blood, the choconette shakily stood up.

"*pant* And _stay_ down, you pile of shit..." Suddenly, Jinso was knocked back down by a flying glomp.

"JIN-KUN!" Amaterasu screamed happily as she held onto her lover, kissing his face repeatedly. The sun goddess helped Jinso to his feet and then put his arm around her shoulder. Jinso and Amaterasu then walked over to the only other people in that alleyway. The choconette smirked at Ichigo.

"Told you I could handle it, Strawberry." Said Jinso, grinning all the while. The grin then turned to owlish blinking as Ichigo zoomed around his personal space, inspecting every wound.

"Uh... What the hell are you doing?" Jinso asked the teen. Ichigo stopped his inspection right before he suddenly got in Jinso's face.

"Why are you giving me that look?" Ichigo looked as though he had seen his dead mother come back to life and fuck the choconette.

"HOW THE HELL ARE YOU ALIVE?!" roared the orange-haired shinigami. Jinso blinked twice before gaining a serious expression.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, the entirety of what I am about to impart upon you does NOT leave the sanctity of this alley...This is not a request; it is an ORDER." The choconette said in an ice-cold voice.

'_And I thought nii-sama was cold..._' said Rukia in her mind. Jinso continued his explanation.

"As to your question about how I am alive after taking a strike through the heart and most of my torso...I have been alive since the creation of this world, and the creation of all worlds, as I was one of the first humans to ever breathe the air that surrounds us even now. My true age has been lost to the winds of time itself, as I have not aged a day beyond the 16th year of my life..." said the choconette with soul-piercing eyes.

"You...stopped aging?" asked Ichigo dumbfoundedly. Jinso nodded.

"Indeed; upon the sixteenth year of my life, I was both blessed and cursed at the same time with the ability to never grow old; to never die...for the _rest_ of _eternity_. Time has no hold upon my body, nor does Illness, nor War, nor Rage... Not even the darkest depths of Hell itself can take my soul. No mortal wound, no incurable disease, no suicidal attempt can take my life; even the most lethal of toxins will merely keep me down for about 3 hours." Ichigo was so shocked by this news that he couldn't even form any words.

"The cause of my immortality goes back a long time ago, about 10 years after the beginning of Life herself and the first humans."

"Life _herself_?" interrupted Ichigo confusedly. Jinso let out a small growl.

"If you would let me continue, I will explain everything. As I was saying, the cause of my immortality goes back to ten years after the beginning of Life herself and the first humans. The first humans, known to many different religions by many different names, were always said to have two children. Every tale varies with each religion, but there is only one living being who fully knows the true story..." said the choconette, staring into the sky before he continued.

"With the creation of my mother and father came the birth of Life herself unto the world. Life's very first breath created the ever-blowing winds which roam the planet, and her first cry gave life to the roaring storms. Life eventually breathed a single unborn soul into the womb of the first woman to exist on this planet, and thus, I was born of the gods themselves. This being said, I had divine blood flowing through the veins of my body, but it was locked away until I was trained to free it, which was at the age of sixteen, when my training with the man who previously held my title was near its end.

The story of my apprenticeship is for another time, but nevertheless, what I am about to tell you is important, so listen well... My true name is Jinso, and I am the ruler of Heaven, Earth, and Hell, known as the Elder God. I was informed by some of my elite soldiers that a STRONG presence of dark energy has been detected around this town and the Soul Society. In fact, I was told that this source of dark energy is so powerful that it completely wiped out 6 teams of my top soldiers. As such, I took it upon myself and my lover, Okami Amaterasu, goddess of the sun, to find this source of energy and OBLITERATE it.

Now that you know my mission, I am required to tell you this: you are to speak of my abilities or my immortality to NO-ONE; _not even_ your _closest friends_ or your _family_. As far as anyone but you, myself, my lover, the shinigami beside you, and everyone in Soul Society should be concerned; I am but a sixteen year-old boy who just transferred to Karakura High. If you fail to comply with this order, I WILL wipe you from any form of existence; be it life, the afterlife, reincarnation, memories, etc. GOT IT?" Jinso finished, shooting a blaring amount of KI directly at the boy in front of him so as to make it clear that if Kurosaki Ichigo fucked up even ONCE...there wouldn't be a single memory of him left in existence. The teenage Kurosaki nodded fearfully with sweat beads zooming down his forehead. Jinso's demeanor instantly cheered up.

"Good. I would actually hate have to bump off someone with the amount of potential that you do. Now then, I'm going to bandage my wounds, and we're going to go back to class. That sound okay?" Ichigo now nodded calmly, having composed himself once Jinso relaxed. The choconette grinned and turned around to grab his bloody and sliced-up shirt...and was met with Rukia holding out a piece of paper.

"Eh...What's that?" Jinso looked from the paper to Rukia's face, but instantly regretted doing so.

Why, you ask?

The girl had hearts in her eyes, giving off a sign that was so obvious to Jinso that the only thing that could top it was a big neon sign glued on her forehead saying 'I'm part of the Jinso-sama fanclub!'

"Ehm...Could you...could you please autograph this, Jinso-sama? Do you think you could also autograph one for Shinigami-sama?" Jinso blinked owlishly before giving her a laid-back smile.

"Sure. But how about instead of signing a piece of paper for you, why don't I sign...oh, I don't know...a giant Chappy the Bunny?" Rukia instantly let out an uncharacteristic squeal before pulling out a Chappy the Bunny plushy the size of herself. The other two people (Ichigo and Amaterasu) sweatdropped at the sheer size of the stuffed bunny. The choconette gently took the bunny out of Rukia's hands before pulling out a Sharpie.

"Where should I sign?" asked Jinso. Rukia pointed directly at the bunny's stomach, where a circle had been drawn with the words 'Reserved for Jinso-sama's autograph' written near the top of it. Jinso grinned before writing down a message there and handing the bunny back. Rukia instantly snatched it like a feral wolf would (ironically) catch a bunny in its jaws and read the message out loud.

"'_To Rukia: Keep practicing your kido and remember to respect your zanpakuto! –Jinso_

_P.S: If you want to achieve Bankai, learn what your zanpakuto likes to see in people and make sure to do that when speaking to it!_'" The girl let out another fangirl squeal before fainting with a blush stuck on her cheeks. Jinso sighed before taking the piece of paper reserved for the Shinigami out of her hands and giving it an once-over. He then smirked before letting his hand rest flat and levitating the paper. The thin sheet began spinning before it broke up into little dots and then reformed, somehow making a giant scythe with the sickle blade coming out of a dragon's mouth at the top. Jinso took out a gold Sharpie and wrote on the black staff of the scythe. Turning it back into the paper and having written an extra note for the Shinigami, Jinso got the orange-haired teen beside him to wake Rukia up.

**Timeskip: Next Period (5****th****)**

Ichigo and Rukia walked into the class supporting a limping Jinso, whose bandages were slightly tinted red. Most of the girls in the room blushed at his bare (excluding the bloody bandages) chest.

"Wow, Jei-san, did you get your ass kicked or something?" A brown-haired boy asked. Jinso smirked at him.

"Keigo...right?" Receiving a nod, the choconette continued.

"There isn't a person in town that could kick my ass without landing in the ICU. I had just finished eating my lunch, and this gang of thugs comes out of nowhere and tries to fight King Stoic over here. So I just got up, tried to get 'em to leave, and when they wouldn't, I sent 'em running with black eyes and bloody asses. The fuckers got a couple of cuts on me, but it still ended the same." Replied the choconette, who wasn't fully lying. A group of thugs actually did try to fight Ichigo, and he did actually end up kicking their asses six ways to Sunday.

"Wow... That's pretty impressive." Keigo remarked. The choconette nodded.

"Eh, it's pretty much routine for me; kick ass, take names, then go to sleep and do the same tomorrow. What really bothers me, though, is the goddamn construction. Why can't they do that after school ends?" Jinso asked rhetorically. Shrugging in reply to himself, he continued.

"But I digress. Every day is just about the same." Jinso would've continued, but part of the classroom ceiling suddenly broke and an I-Beam fell down from above Orihime's desk. Jinso unhooked his arms from around Rukia and Ichigo's shoulders and immediately leapt into action. Stopping right on top of the girl's desk, Jinso bent his knees and let the I-Beam fall onto his back. Jinso-san even caught it with one hand, might this author add.

**One Dimension Away**

"Achoo! Somebody must be talking about Tobi!"

**Back in the Classroom**

Everyone had been shocked into silence at Jinso's act of bravery and strength. As far as everyone knew, only someone like Sado could lift an I-Beam, and the gentle giant was always forced to use two hands. With a primal shout, Jinso tossed the support beam back up to the construction workers and then collapsed onto one knee.

"Fuck...*pant*...that always takes a bit out of me...*pant*when I'm not at my best..." Looking at Orihime with a concerned frown, he asked,

"You alright? No broken bones or anything?" Unable to form any words, the girl nodded her head in reply. Jinso's frown turned into a happy grin as his eyes seemed to light up.

"Good." Shakily getting off of the desk, Jinso attempted to walk back to Amaterasu. However, both his injuries and his exhaustion proved to be too much, and he fell to the floor.

"Looks like it's gonna be one of _those_ days..." The choconette mumbled as he fell to the floor, slowly passing out.

**Back in Konoha**

The Prelims were about to start, and Kabuto had already left.

"Does anyone else wish to leave?" Gekko Hayate called out, and, seeing no other responses, nodded to the Hokage. Hiruzen got up and proceeded to explain the reason for the Chunin Exams and how that since there were too many genin left over from the second round, they would need preliminaries to even the numbers out.

"Well, _this_ is gonna be fun." Naruto said with a grin.

**Timeskip: Start of the Invasion (Don't worry, I will cover the Prelims, the Finals matches, and Jinso's side of the story later on. Instead of covering the events right now, I thought I'd do something...****_unorthodox_****...and put them in a flashback chapter instead.)**

Konoha was in chaos. Oto and Suna shinobi were attacking the Leaf defenders, the Kage's box was being wrecked by Hiruzen, Orochimaru, and the somehow undead Shodaime and Nidaime Hokages, the Sound Four had been knocked out and captured, and the ENTIRE Chunin Exams stadium was filled with corpses and fights.

**With Amaterasu**

Amaterasu stood beside two very..._interesting_ characters, to say the least. One was what looked like Tony the Tiger's Asian cousin on steroids, with the same crimson markings she had covering it, a large bow on its back, and a quiver full of lightning bolts. And the other was a HUGE, white dragon with four arms that each held an orb of a different color than the rest, and was literally attached at the hip to an unraveled scroll.

"Mother Amaterasu, why have you called us to this place? It seems as if my powers have completely diminished here, which is most unsettling." The dragon asked her. Amaterasu smiled at them both.

"Yomigami, Gekigami, I called you both here because I need you to help me push the enemies of this village back. The reason your powers seem to be non-existant is because these people do not worship more than one god. While you may not have your full powers, what you can do is what these people seem to hold in equivalent to a natural disaster." Yomigami (the dragon) raised an eyebrow.

"How will we know which ones are the enemies and which ones are the allies?" He asked. Amaterasu tapped her own forehead before saying,

"The enemies will be wearing these metal plates that either have the symbol of a gourd or the symbol of a music note. All the allies are the ones that have symbols of leaves on their own metal plates." Yomigami nodded, but Gekigami (the white tiger on 'roids) raised his own eyebrow.

"What do I get out of this? I'm all for wasting bad guys with lightning, but if it's gonna be a chore, then that's no fun." Gekigami asked Amaterasu. The sun goddess merely sauntered over to the overgrown tiger and planted a kiss on his cheek, causing a bright red blush to light up the lightning god's face. Yomigami, who was usually stoic and reserved, had to force laughter back down his throat.

"Is that enough to make you help me out?" She asked rhetorically. Gekigami suddenly snarled and let out a fierce roar that sounded like thunder.

"LET'S DO THIS SHIT!" He roared, swearing for probably the first time in his immortality. Amaterasu giggled and then added something to her previous speech.

"Also, if you see a young boy with spiky blonde hair and whisker marks or a man with hair the color of chocolate and eyes the color of seawater, they are VERY important to me, and you need to make sure they don't get hurt." Gekigami and Yomigami both nodded at Amaterasu, after which the white-haired sun goddess stepped back and began to walk in the opposite direction that they were going. Yomigami leaned down to whisper in Gekigami's ear.

"So...how was the kiss?" The rejuvenation god joked, causing Gekigami to snarl at him.

"You didn't see anything, you damn overgrown gecko." The lightning god retorted before running off and into the fray. Yomigami let out a rumbling laugh as he took to the skies. Right after the pair left, Amaterasu turned around and smiled.

"It's good to know that the Celestial Plain isn't in chaos after my leave." As Amaterasu was about to head out to fight, a small voice stopped her.

"A-Ammy?!" Wheeling around, Amaterasu spotted a _slightly_ aged Issun standing before her on the ground.

"Issun! It's you!" Letting the small Poncle climb onto her hand, Amaterasu smiled at him.

"How has everything been since I left for this world?" Issun scratched the back of his head a short while before answering.

"It's been pretty much the same. Yomigami took up the position of leader after you left, and he's kept everything in order." The Wandering artist replied. Amaterasu nodded.

"Good." Issun then looked up at her questioningly.

"How's life been for you, Ammy?" Amaterasu's eyes trailed upwards and a small blush crossed her face. Issun, being close to her of course, stared with sly eyes.

"So who's the lucky dog who managed to get you?" Issun asked. Amaterasu smiled at him.

"I believe you already know who he is. Remember the boy we met with the brown hair who looked around 16 years of age?" Issun cocked his head to the side.

"Yeah? So?" Sighing at her old partner's obliviousness, Amaterasu set him down on the ground, leaned down, and used her two hands to make a certain _motion_ that told all he needed to know.

"Holy crap! You mean—you—you had—with—and the stretching—and—and the bouncing—and the complete package?!" Issun could barely that one sentence alone. Amaterasu didn't vocally answer. Instead, her eyes glazed over at ALL of the memories. 128 of them, to be exact.

**Kage's Box**

Hiruzen and Kushina were struggling against the resurrected Shodaime and Nidaime Hokages, as the duo's flawless teamwork kept them on edge every second.

'_This is NOT good! I'd need a miracle to make it out of this with my life!_'

***insert BGM: Super Smash Bros Brawl OST- Tabuu Battle Theme***

A dark blur fell from the sky and landed in the middle of the roof, forcing many shinobi onto their asses and creating a spider-web-cracked crater. As the dust settled, a lone figure rose, something golden shimmering on their back.

***End BGM***

"Who said the party could start without me? It's pretty rude not to invite someone who enjoys these kinds of things." The person said, slowly drawing the golden item off of their back, revealing it to be a katana. The figure's seawater-colored eyes glinted with mirth behind his chocolate bangs. Orochimaru scowled.

"YOU! You were the one who nearly killed me in the Forest of Death!" The Snake Sannin _hissed_. (*rimshot*) Jinso grinned at the pedophile.

"Oh, good. You're still alive. I was hoping that you could provide SOME form of a challenge instead of dying in one hit like a weakling." The choconette replied in a casual tone, as though he was talking about the weather. And Jinso was also checking his nails while doing so, making it known that he didn't view Orochimaru as a real threat. And then...they all heard the sound of a flute, but as far as they could tell...no one was playing any instruments.

The eyes of every fighter on top of the Kage's Box turned to a single pole near them, where a lone figure stood, a cherrywood flute(1) held to their mouth. A white set of what looked like wings with red-edged tips atop their head swayed back and forth in the breeze.

A gentle yet firm voice broke out from the figure's lips.

"Hark! The call of the heavens, the earth, the sea...They summon me forth to defeat evil..."

(A/N: Okami players..._this_ line should look _VERY_ familiar...Muhahahaha...)

The sun poked its head out from behind a set of dark, stormy clouds, revealing the figure to be a blonde-haired man with fair skin and two circular birthmarks on his forehead. The man stood on two high-platformed wooden sandals, and had a sheathed sword at his waist. Striking a...shall we say..._fruity_...pose, the man finished his introduction.

"Waka, the gods' gift to man is here! Bonjour!"

**Wherever the Hell Gai is**

Gai suddenly felt a tingling sensation in the back of his head.

"Lee-kun, someone most youthful has just made themselves known! We must make our flames of Youth burn brighter than ever to not be outdone!" The spandex-wearing jonin shouted. Lee gave his sensei a thumbs-up.

"Hai, Gai-sensei! If I cannot make my Flames of Youth burn brighter than ever, then I will carry 5 boulders up the Hokage Mountain on my back!" Gai would've cried youthful (I think I just puked in my own mouth) tears, but this author had to stop typing before he suffered a brain aneurysm and died of extreme Youth poisoning.

**Back on top of the Kage's Box**

Jinso grinned.

"So, Ushiwaka, you finally decided to make your appearance. What prompted you to suddenly guest-star in this little fight?" The choconette asked. Waka smiled as he began tapping the cherrywood flute lightly against his palm.

"Well, it was getting awfully repetitive on the Celestial Plain, and the days just seemed _so_ lack-luster, mon ami." The Tao Master replied in the same casual tone as Jinso. (Mon ami is French for 'my friend'.)

"Oh, look, a nice reunion! I can't _wait_ to break it up!" Orochimaru yelled, having gotten irritated by the complete disregard to his existence. Jinso and Waka both turned their eyes to the pedophile.

"Excuse me, but I believe I was in the _middle_ of a _conversation_. If you want an ass-kicking, please take a numbered ticket, sit your ass down, and wait until your fucking _number_ is called!" said the choconette back with narrowed eyes. Waka seemed to be looking up in thought.

"You remind of a certain eight-headed demon I used to know who was named Orochi—a particularly dreadful character, he was. He always demanded a sacrifice from a single small village every year in order to keep said village out of destruction's reach, which would be caused by his own hands—or rather, I should say his own _claws_." Giving a shrug, Waka continued.

"Orochi even killed his own loving subjects if they messed up any command he gave them—quite like you, if what I have heard is correct." Orochimaru scowled at him and pulled out the Kusanagi.

"Well then, tell him I said hello after I send you to Hell!" The Snake Sannin charged like a rabid animal at Waka, who shook his head.

"So pitiful. You fight like a rabid animal, and think like one too. *sigh* Why is it that I am always tasked with defeating the more moronic villains?" Waka asked himself. Just _slightly_ grinning, Waka spun his flute in hand and brought it up to his face. The flute itself halved in length, and Waka then placed two fingers on the tip, drawing out a katana that was surrounded by mint-green energy.

"Now you shall get an earful of my beloved sword—Pillow Talk!"

**CLIFFHANGER! MUAHAHAHA!**

**(1): I do not know EXACTLY what kind of wood Waka's flute is made from, but if anything I learned in woodshop was true, it's most likely cherrywood. Also, seeing as how Okami is filled TO THE BRIM with CHERRY BLOSSOMS and CHERRY TREES, that adds on to the possibility of his flute being made from cherrywood.**

**JKK: Hey, Dutchy-chan, mind getting me a glass of Pepsi! All this story-writing has made me REALLY thirsty!**

**Dutchy: Kay, Jinso-kun!**

**JKK: Well, everyone, while Dutchy goes and gets me some Pepsi, I think I'll say this: See you all next time!**

**-Jinso Kitsune-kun**


	11. New Worlds and Eventful Memories

**JKK: Hello, everyone, and welcome to Chapter 11 of DOEG! Now, I know it's been an EXTREMELY long time since I last updated, and I am sorry for that. For a while now, I've had the biggest fucking case of writer's block that I have ever experienced , and it's prevented me from getting ideas out. However, I recently read a Naruto/Pokegirl crossover fic (and yes, I read those, so SHUT THE FUCK UP!), and it seems to have disabled part of my writer's block. As such, I finally got an idea for a chapter! But there is some bad news... Unfortunately, I cannot type up the next part of the main storyline of DOEG, as that part is still blocked. But there is also some good news in that bad news: I can, however, type up a set of backstory chapters for Jinso, to elaborate upon his character. If you guys remember there was that one line of text in a chapter that stated that Jinso couldn't remember the last time he felt real love. Remember that? WELL, luckily for you guys, this whole chapter is going to elaborate upon that! So have fun, kids!**

DOEG Chapter 11- A Portal to New Worlds and..._Eventful_ Memories

**Just After Jinso and Amaterasu Did the Mattress Dance**

"Wow...*pant*...That was _amazing_..." Amaterasu said, giving Jinso a kiss. Jinso smiled back lovingly.

"You weren't too shabby yourself. I wish we could've gone on longer, but I guess with my experience, it would be hard to." He replied. Amaterasu gained a curious look.

"Experience? I thought you were a virgin?" Jinso shook his head from side to side as he chuckled.

"Haven't been for a looooong time." Amaterasu smirked.

"Care to tell me when you became such a _stallion_?" she asked. Jinso nodded.

"Well, it all started back when I was learning about my power as the newly initiated Elder God..."

_FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!_

A young Jinso was focusing power into his fingertips, trying to learn how to open wormholes in midair.

"Come on! How hard is it to open a fucking wormhole?!" In all his rage, Jinso hadn't noticed that he sent more power than was needed to his fingertips and snapped his fingers. A shining portal opened up at his feet, and he looked down after noticing the absence of dirt.

"...Fuck..." Jinso fell right through, falling unconscious from the temporal battering he received.

**Unknown Laboratory**

A man in a white lab coat watched in bewilderment as a chocolate-haired teen fell right out of the sky and into his lab. Going over to the teen and studying him, the man gained a mischievous smirk on his face.

"Interesting..."

**Hours later**

Jinso awoke with a startle, and found that he was naked, covered in wires, and floating in a chamber filled with green liquid. Outside the glass, he saw a man, who was wearing a lab coat, grin like a maniac.

"You're finally awake. That's a relief." He said. Jinso focused his power and detached all the wires before ejecting the glass window, causing the liquid to flow forth. Snapping his fingers, a set of clothes appeared on his body.

"Who are you? And how long have you been keeping me in there?" Jinso asked. The man smiled.

"My name is Jim Sukotto, otherwise known as Sukebe. You've been unconscious for a few hours, and I was only keeping you in there to monitor your body." Jinso's eyes narrowed.

"You aren't one of those mad scientists who hopes to harness life energy for their plots, are you?" Sukebe shook his head nervously.

"No! I swear! My research is in the field of genetics! I'm creating a race creatures who can fight, defend, and in any case, provide sexual relief for people. I call them pokegirls." Jinso raised an eyebrow.

"Why were you monitoring my body, then?"

"You see, I've been unable to find a base set of DNA with which to construct the pokegirls' own genetic makeup. When you fell from the sky, you had an aura of unbelievable power surrounding you, and I thought I had found what I was looking for!" Jinso's eyes widened.

"You wish to use my DNA for these...pokegirls of yours?" Sukebe nodded excitedly.

"Please let me. I can see that you are a god of unimaginable power, and that is exactly what I am in need of. If you will, I will do any task you ask of me." Jinso scratched his chin in thought.

"I suppose I am in need of help. Alright, Sukebe. I will let you use my DNA for your creations."

"Thank you! You won't regret it! It will only take a few minutes, and once they are made, we can see how well they integrate and mix with society over the years!" Sukebe pricked Jinso with a syringe, drawing a full vial of blood and then putting the vial in a slot on his keyboard. The computer screen lit up, and strange tubes attached to it began sending glowing entities towards the various capsules around the room. After a few minutes, Jinso asked.

"Years?" Jinso asked. "I have no intention of waiting years to see the results of your experiments, Sukebe." Sukebe smiled like he knew a secret.

"That's the best part. The laboratory we are currently in is special. It was given to me by the gods of old, and has the ability to freeze itself in time while the rest of the world continues moving. A single minute of frozen time here makes for a year in the real world. And considering I came in here about 2 hours ago, which was two minutes before you arrived..." Jinso's eyes widened.

"It's been 118 years since I arrived." He finished. Sukebe was grinning like a fat kid at a free chocolate cake buffet.

"Exactly. Now, I've taken the liberty of placing data about every pokegirl in existence in a small, handy tool called a Pokedex. However, seeing as they were created with your DNA, and you are a God, I would like to ask you... Do you want to be labeled the world's first pokeboy?" Jinso looked confused.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well, basically, you would be in a similar condition to the pokegirls, and could, in theory, be caught by a trainer. The "Legendary" pokegirls that I've created cannot have any children except in one situation—getting pregnant by you. You would have your own set of data entered into the Pokedex, and would basically be the Legendary to end all Legendaries. Though you might end up having to knock some skulls together in your Titan Forme." Jinso narrowed his eyes.

'"How do you know about that?!" He asked. Sukebe waited for Jinso to calm down before responding.

"When I placed you in that capsule and attached the wires, I was able to use my computer to look into your memory, as I wanted to see why you ended up here. Upon doing so, I discovered many interesting things. But the best part of all...I did a little something extra as a way of saying 'thank you'. Please look at the capsule to your right." Jinso warily looked to his right, and saw something that made his mind shut down for a bit before he ran up to the glass. Inside was what appeared to be a 21 year old girl. Her skin was a soft tan and she had ice blue hair. A flowing light blue and turquoise dress was wrapped snugly around her body, enhancing the goddess-like feautures she possessed even more so. A set of D-cup breasts were bound firmly by the "cold-colored" dress, and fit well with the lithe form that floated in the liquid.

"Mikya..." Jinso gasped, a small tear escaping his eye. The pokegirl inside was the spitting image of his past love. Sukebe nodded.

"I take it you enjoy the gift? When I accessed your memory, I fused her looks and personality with a pokegirl I intended to create named Shiva. Also, my machines detected a piece of a separate soul inside your body. Who's soul is it?" Jinso closed his eyes.

"It's Mikya's. When she died, I let out a massive amount of rage and sadness. However, I also ended up absorbing the last bits of her soul when she died; enough that, if I had a replacement body for her, I could bring her back to life." Sukebe nodded and raised an eyebrow.

"By the way, how did Mikya die? I tried to see, but your mental blocks forced my computer to crash." Jinso swallowed heavily and let out a sigh.

"Mikya...she died sacrificing herself to get her family out of their burning house. I tried to reach out and grab her, desperately trying to save her life, but she just smiled and shook her head."

Memory

"My time's up, Jinso. I wish I could do more, say more, just embrace you one last time...but that's not what I'm meant to do." Mikya withdrew her thin hand and let the flames cover her body as darkness took her.

"MIKYA!" The young Jinso shouted, trying to run inside to save her, but was stopped by his father's hand being placed upon his shoulder as the burning house's roof collapsed.

End Memory

"When I let out all my rage and sorrow, the very flames that killed her were drawn to me and covered my body, creating my Titan Form. It is the incarnation of the very fury and sorrow I felt at Mikya's death." Sukebe frowned, but then smiled.

"I'm sorry for your loss, but I think I've found some way to make it a whole lot better." Jinso sighed and forced a smile.

"How?" Sukebe grinned.

"Well, when my machines found her soul inside of your body, I extracted it and placed in Shiva's body. So essentially, I've resurrected Mikya, and she'll recognize you upon seeing you." Jinso smiled a wide smile, one that could make a fissure look tiny, and a small tear dripped from his eye.

"Sukebe, you may not know this, but the gods aren't really supposed to show random humans their inner emotions, but you've filled me with a sense of happiness like no other. I will see to it that when you die, a special place in heaven is reserved for you." Sukebe grinned.

"Just doing what I can with what I got. So do you accept my offer?" Jinso nodded.

"Yes, but I do have a question; will I be allowed to roam the world if I so choose?"

"Definitely." Sukebe replied. Jinso let a shit-eating grin cross his face.

"Cool. But won't I need some kind of name for when I go into Titan forme?" Sukebe nodded back.

"What would you like to be called?" Jinso thought for a moment.

"Well, how about I go into Titan Forme and you decide on something based upon what you see. I think that's for the best." Sukebe nodded and stepped back, allowing Jinso the room necessary to transform.

Reaching deep inside himself, Jinso drew from his well of infinite power and let it out with a primal roar. His entire body burned with a bright light and flames burst from the ground underneath him. They enveloped his full being and cloaked him in their burning fury. Jinso's eyes absorbed some of the flames and began letting them out of his very eyeballs themselves, the white-hot tongues flitting dangerously. Spouts of fire grew from his forearms and extended to about 2 ½ feet long. A set of flaming wings grew from his back and lifted Jinso right into the air, sending strong gusts out from beneath them. His skin turned a fierce combination of red, yellow, and orange, became scaly, and his canines grew to animalistic lengths, and his chocolate brown hair fused with a passionate red, gaining the essence of a burning piece of mahogany. A large white clock appeared from within the middle of his chest, and his toenails turned into talons. Three flaming bird tails grew from his tailbone, and two black horns grew from the top of his head. Sukebe's eyes gleamed with endless possibilities.

"How about...Ignitio?" (a portmanteau of "initio", from the Latin "initium", meaning beginning and "ignis", meaning fire) Sukebe said with a grin. Jinso nodded.

"**Perfect**." Jinso turned back to normal, and Sukebe said,

"You know, with all of the brownie points you're earning for how epic that was, I just might have to put the chances of catching you into your pokedex entry." Jinso smirked.

"A 1/1000 chance?" He asked. Sukebe laughed and said,

"Now that would be cruel, lying to them like that. I was thinking more along the lines of, 'You'd have a better chance of Whore-oh begging you to fuck her doggy style while wearing a naughty maid costume and screaming for you to shower her slutty body with your sperm.' Now, the pokegirls are going to be released out into the world in about 10 seconds. You might want to meditate or take a nap in order to see the full effect after several years in the real world. I'll send Mikya over to crawl in with you when she is ready." Jinso nodded, went over to a cot, and then proceeded to sleep peacefully.

**5 Hours Later**

Jinso awoke to soft, yet somewhat heavy object on his chest. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he looked and saw that it was Mikya, sleeping peacefully with a cute snore. As he tried to get up, Jinso noticed something in his hand. It was a pokedex with a note on it. The note read:

_Having fun yet? Here's a pokedex in case you want to become a Tamer. I've set it on the page with your info, so go ahead and have a look (trust me; it's worth looking at ;) ). Mikya is probably on top of you already (and possibly fucking your dick right now), so have fun kids! Don't do anything I wouldn't do! I'll probably be in some far of corner of the world when you read this, doing some random shit (probably fapping my ass off), but if you need me, I've put a commlink in your right ear, and a special watch on your left arm that has video chat, audio chat, wireless updates, new channels, Cartoon Network, Angry Birds (the original), PornHub (for when you're alone on the crapper with some bunched-up TP), a shitload of metal music ('specially Dragonforce), it's got Fanfiction bookmarked already, along with the newest versions of Mozilla Firechrome, and Adobe Shockwave Flash. Have fun!_

_-Sukebe_

Jinso sweatdropped at the perverted scientist's letter. Drawing away from the note, Jinso opened up the Pokedex and viewed his page.

_**IGNITIO, The Origin Pokeboy**_

**Type:** Near Human

**Element:** Magic/Fire/Dark

**Frequency:** Extremely Rare (Unique)

**Diet:** Unknown (Is assumed to be cosmic energy)

**Role:** Creator, Life-Giver, Origin of all Pokegirls

**Libido:** Average

**Strong Vs:** All (See Legendary Salient Qualities)

**Weak Vs:** None (See Legendary Salient Qualities)

**Attacks:** Ignitio can learn quite literally any move in existence, but the main ones he has showcased (reportedly only to Sukebe himself) are Omega Beam, Eternity's Judgement, Hell's Wrath, Imperial Rage, Ultra-Hypnosis, Battle Meditation, Heavenly Medic, Aura of Badass, Aura of Fury, Torment of the Lost Lover, and Lust of the Incubus.

**Enhancements:** Legendary Qualities, Legendary Salient Qualities, Improved Respiration, Endurance, Ultra-Senses, Foresight, Temporal Reach, Spatial Dominence, Teleportation, Shapeshifting, Telekinetic Prowess, and Passive Bodily Control

**Evolves:** N/A

**Evolves From:** N/A

**Rate of Capture:** This is a first for any poke-creature, as most can still be caught with some ease. However, due to Ignitio's "uber-legendary" status, this has been requited in his case. As one high-class member of the Ignitian religion (a religion solely worshipping the greatness of Ignitio (despite his claims of not needing one) and his eternal mate, Mikya.) put it, "you'd have a better chance of Whore-oh appearing out of nowhere and begging you to fuck her up the ass doggy-style, all while she wears a naughty maid costume and screams for you to shower her slutty, pokegirl body with your cum". As such, the rate of capture for Ignitio has been estimated to be 1/1,000,000,000 in his favor.

The story of Ignitio is a surprising one for the unwitting tamer who happens to stumble upon his Pokedex entry. Ignitio was not created by Sukebe in his mad efforts, despite what many think, but rather had been asked by Sukebe to use his DNA as the genetic basis for all of the pokegirls. When asked by Ignitio why he should even think of doing this for Sukebe and not blast him into oblivion, Sukebe replied that he had looked into Ignitio's memories via a fantastic form of neuroscientific technology and could recreate Ignitio's lost mate, Mikya in the form of a pokegirl.

The tale of Mikya is a sad one, however. It has been said by Ignitio himself to Sukebe that Mikya was his first love, a woman after his own heart, who died in a fire during Ignitio's transcendence to godhood. He had apparently tried to save his love, but she withdrew and accepted death despite having the chance to still live. The rage inside Ignitio had reached levels hotter than the sun's fire, and the fire that had killed his beloved supposedly enveloped his body and gave birth to the form we see him in now.

**CAUTION!**

It is known by many that very few things will set Ignitio off on a rage-fueled tangent. And as such, most tamers know that should they ever run into Ignitio, doing one of said things will result in complete annihilation, so most never do this around him. However, should you be enough of a fucking dumbass to do such a thing (may the gods have mercy on your soul, you piece of shit), here are the five things that, if done around Ignitio, will result in painful obliteration:

Insult his mate.

Try to steal his mate for your own.

Try to capture his mate without first capturing him. (Technically, this is part of #1, as he views attempts to capture his mate as the ultimate insult unless you can best him first)

Insulting Anubust, Moan, MoanTwo, Sexebi, Macavity, Bastit, Sexmet, Articunt, Zapdass, Moltits, ANY Angel pokegirls (he believes they are too pure for hate), and/or ANY vulpine pokegirls (he has a strange affinity to Vulpine pokegirls which naturally draws them to him and makes them horny just by being around him (it is not known why)). The Legendary pokegirls listed are precious to him due to being surrogate daughters and he will fight for them as if they were the same as his mate.

This is the worst offense of all to him...And you're SO going to Hell if you do this, but...god forbid you injure any young child or any female that does not deserve said injury around him. Children are purity in human form to him, and females are high on his 'respect meter', so to speak. You WILL get your ass annihilated if you do this.

Ignitio stands at about 5'11 ½, with spouts of fire growing from his forearms and extending to about 2 ½ feet long. A set of flaming wings grows from his back and keeps him aloft, sending strong gusts out from beneath them. His skin is a fierce combination of red, yellow, and orange, his canines are at animalistic lengths, and his hair has the essence of a burning piece of mahogany. A large white clock stands proud on the middle of his chest, and his talons are about 5 inches thick and 7 inches long. Three flaming bird tails extend from his tailbone, and two black horns grow from the top of his head. His voice is rumored to sound like that of Satan mixed with the pre-Sukebe Christian religion God's voice, and it is suspected that the deep bass tones emitted from his voice are what draw vulpine pokegirls to him.

Ignitio wanders the world, even today, scoping out society and seeing what needs attention, what needs to be fixed, what needs to die, what needs to be created, etc. Sometimes, Ignitio appears in front of trainers that he deems worthy and basically marks them to say that they are able to help humanity. What exactly draws Ignitio to a trainer is unknown, but you will know that you've met Ignitio when you wake with what appears to be a tattoo of the pre-Sukebe Japanese kanji for 'fire' on either your right shoulder (for males) or your right buttcheek (for females).

Because he can shapeshift, Ignitio never appears the same way to any one trainer. However, the accounts of multiple witnesses state that he always appears with hair the color of milk chocolate, and eyes the color of seawater. You are either very lucky or just a naturally kind and pure person if he appears to you AND specifically states that he came to meet you.

_**LEGENDARY QUALITIES:**__ All Legendary Poke-kind have these special attributes, making them above and beyond other Poke-kind:_

_Truly Unique: _All Legendary Pokégirls cannot be copied. Attempts to clone them always fail, and morphing other beings into copies of them always produces sub-standard versions. Titto, for example, can take Ignitio's shape and even copy his powers to some degree, but not any of his Legendary Qualities or Legendary Salient Qualities (see below).

_Deathlessness:_ Despite having been around since Sukebe's Revenge, all the Legendary Pokégirls are still around and going strong. This superior version of longevity makes them immune to death from natural causes. They will never die unless they are killed. However, poison, disease, or any unnatural cause still has a normal chance to kill them, barring their special immunities and strengths.

_**LEGENDARY SALIENT QUALITIES**__: Some Legendary Pokégirls have special qualities others don't have. Here is Ignitio's lexicon of special attributes:_

_Ultimate Armor:_ If you looked in the above section, you probably noticed that Ignitio didn't have the "No Weakness" Quality. You may be thinking, "does that mean he's actually weak to something?!" Oh, you're not even close. In place of the above-mentioned Quality, Ignitio has _Ultimate Armor_, "No Weakness"'s father on steroids. NO move is super-effective on him, nor can any move do normal damage either. His tough, scaly skin prevents any attack from hurting him too much. Have fun!

_Father of All:_ A Salient Quality similar to Hild's _Mother of Magic_, _Father of All_ allows Ignitio to utilize ANY move he wants, due to existing since long before the pokegirls were created. If you want to capture him, you'd better be ready to face Armageddon.

_Matter is My Bitch:_ As you can probably tell from the name, this Salient Quality allots Ignitio full control over all matter, in every form and entity. He cannot control the matter inside humans (or rather, he won't due to his beliefs), but he can transmute any given object into whatever he wants.

_Necromancy? Bitch, please! (Otherwise known as "We don't say the N-word in my house"):_ Being a literal god himself, Ignitio has control over the heavenly and angelic beauty known as Life, and her ethereal, lustrous maiden of a cousin known as Death. Though this ability is entirely useful, being able to resurrect anyone and anything from the dead, he mainly saves it for times of great need. One such time, though it has been omitted from any publicly available texts and manuscripts, was at the beginning of Sukebe's Revenge. When Sukebe released the Bloody Flu into the world, MANY more women died than was actually reported. An estimated 85% of the entire female populous died horrible deaths at the hands of the Bloody Flu. But then, as was reported, a miracle happened. The clouds above the world parted in a radiant glow as Ignitio himself descended from the skies. With a wave of his hand, all females who had died due to the Bloody Flu were instantly revived. Due to this wonderful miracle, Ignitio developed a religion, which proclaimed him as "the true God of the world", who would one day reward all who followed the Ignitian faith with high positions of control over the heathens of the world. Don't mention the religion around him if you follow it, however. It's total BS, and there's no way in hell he's giving random mortals control over the world.

_Down the Rabbithole:_ A Salient Quality that can break the space-time continuum, _Down the Rabbithole_ allows Ignitio to open wormholes in the fabric of space and time at will to move quickly about. ...Not much else can be said here.

Jinso closed his pokedex with both a grin and a confused look.

"What the fuck did I do when I was sleeping?" he asked no one in particular. As if by magic, a Sticky Note™ with an image at the bottom of Sukebe giving a peace sign with his fingers (seemingly drawn in crayon) appeared. Jinso sweatdropped once more and read the note.

_To Jinso_

_If you're wondering just what the hell happened while you slept, then look at all the accomplishments you've read in the pokedex entry. THAT is what you have done while you slept. Apparently, you did all that by instinct and pure muscle memory, which fucking amazes me. But, yeah...go out into the world, have fun, get laid with tons of hot girls, and just enjoy yourself. You've got the watch and commlink if you need me, and I've laid out a pack with everything you'll need for the beginning of your journey and set up a teleporter pod leading right to what I believe is the best place for you to start your journey in—the Kanto League. You'll start in Pallet Town, where Professor Oak has his lab. Don't fuck people up too much!_

_-Sukebe, The World's Greatest Perverted Magiscientist_

Once again, Jinso sweatdropped.

"Well, this is going to be fun." He tried to get up, but a soft yet firm hand held him down. Jinso looked right up and into the eyes of his lost love, her limpid pools being filled with nothing but passion and love for him.

"Stay here with me for a while, my beloved... Stay with me...Jinso..." Jinso nodded, gave Mikya a passionate kiss on the lips, and laid his head back down. As he hugged her closer, he thought to himself,

'_I could get used to this._'

**JKK: And that's the end of that chapter! I'm finally back, bitches! And I've got a brand new set of ideas to really get things going.**

**Jinso: That's nice and all, JKK—really, it is—, but you might want to run first.**

**JKK: ? Why's that?**

**Jinso: *points* There's a shitload of anti-pervert, dominatrix, hardcore feminists carrying torches, pitchforks, garden shears, knives, and rusty sporks over there who look ready to emasculate you.**

**JKK: *looks* Oh, fuck me up the ass! See ya next time! *dashes off***

**Feminist Mob: GET HIM!**

**JKK: *appears back and grabs a Pepsi, a katana, and some pocky* Almost forgot these! Vivir peligrosamente, mis amigos! Hasta luego! *zooms off again***

**Jinso: That's Spanish for: "Live dangerously, my friends! See ya later!"**


End file.
